Jube - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I have discovered my new hate, Uma Thurman!! shes not human, she is a robot with skin streached over it! i dont understand how people think shes hot! In my opinion i think she should fall on a spike! uma Therman's agent doesn't even have a telephone number for her, he just stands in a pentagram, spins round 6 times counter-clockwise and chants her name untill she is summoned up from wherever the fuck she comes from(either hell or crawley) where she probably spends her day writing letters to the BBC requesting old re-runs of tellyaddictics to be put back on to the network because THATS THE KIND OF SICK EVIL BITCH SHE IS!!!!....ahem ...Anyway .... i have a good sense of humour ..... i find chavs falling down large flights of stairs very funny indeed and it fills me with a warm feeling of well being and happyness. Pictures of small monkeys seem to have a calming effect on me, but pictures of Noal Edmonds and Geremy Beadle blinds me with rage. pictures of other people worry and confuse me, esspecially if i am drunk as it means im in the wrong house.
Gingers:
Hmmmmm .... well lets start by talking about "Gingers" also known as "red heads", "Carrot tops", "fire crotch" , "demons" or simply "errgh what the fuck is that!!". Every day more and more ginger babies are being born causing pain, suffering and distress to the parants, familly and even passers by! For example look at this picture, TAKE A GOOD LONG LOOK!!!! .....Shes all wrong! Is she evil? Is she poisonous? Is she the devil? The answer is, we don't know ....... but she probably is! Just two pounds a month could help fund the research to stop this terrible condition .... or .... buy enough guns to do it the old fashoned way. If you are going to hunt a ginger, please remember that these creatures have a servere allergy to sunlight!!! As shown below.Be aware that garlic, silver and crosses HAVE NO EFFECT, although it is apparant that wooden stakes in the heart are still quite effective. Remember, unlike dogs, llamas or slugs, gingers have no soul and may not show you any mercy. Also, many gingers are riddled with acne, so if cornered, give them a generous splashing of malt vinegar.

My Interests

Hmmm! anything that .... explodes, catches fire, looks pretty, tastes good, has titties, catapults flaming shoes, hovers 2 feet off the ground, vanishes in to a puff of smoke, can blend perfectly with its surroundings, makes me giggle like a mirecat or maybe jus a nice cuppa tea will do. Now that interests me. not all at once you understand, because that would just be silly. A fine arse also interests me enormously. the myth of the perfect posteria is REAL! i hav seen it in person and i no who has it ...hehe.... yes.... and i wont tell!!! HA!!
Boobs the fantastic things that are positioned on the chest of most women ......... and unfortunatly on some men too. roundish in shape and fun to play with, boobs have both facinated and entertained the human race since the dawn of time ........ with some help from a fellow scientist by the name of matt, we discoverd that shape of the breast/ tit/ boob/ tatty/ mammory or brestical as it sometimes called, should be referred to as "bubiod" pronounced "byooboyed" ........... that is all.

I'd like to meet:

Any1!! I love meetin people! even ginger people! they don't bother me, their almost like normal people after all! i met a chicken called gerald once, the plan was to feed him cuscus till he was nice and fat, then feast apon his flesh but wen he looked at us with his beady lil chuk chuk eyes we didn't hav the heart to chow down on his breasts.the morral of the story is ..... don't fill up a friends stomach jus to get a nibble on their breasts....IGNOR THE MORRAL!!! nibblin on their breasts is an awsome idea!!MAGGIE IS A FUCKIN BEAR!! shes made of iron, and can swallow a prime time tv hosts whole .......... thats right noal edmunds ....... fuckin watch it!!!! YOU TOO BEADLE!! i havn't forgotten you. IM NOT GONNA TAKE ANY SHIT FROM YOU! ...... ok ....... i'm done. fuck u beadle

Music:

i've got to start by sayin I HOPE LEMAR SWALLOWS HIS TOUNG IN HIS SLEEP, CHOKES AND SLIPS SILENTLY OFF THE MORTAL COIL!!incubus, RATM, Extreme, Aphx Twin, ACDC, Radiohead, Jimi Hendrix, Motograter, against me!,billy bragg, Bob Marley, The Prodigy, Extreme, QOTSA, System, Dramagods,Nine Inch Nails, Freak kitchen, Foo Fighters, the pixies, smashing pumpkins, steve vai, joe satriani, FaithlessAudioslave, the Chili's and all washed down with a heavy dose 80's cheesey pop! A NEW 1!! MATTIAS rocks the fukkin kazbar thank u kindly matty for introducin me 2 this 1!!

Movies:

zombie movies fukkin kick ass!! DAWN OF THE DEAD, SHAWN OF THE DEAD, 28 DAYS LATER, LAND OF THE DEAD, RESIDENT eEVIL.... all good. ok... films that make me piss myself, KUNG FOO HUSTLE, FREDDY GOT FINGERED,THE FAMILY GUY MOVIE, NAPOLION DYNAMITE.Myspace .. Now Icons

Television:

Anything that makes me piss myself laughing like little brittain, bo selecter, family guy, futurama, green wing, black books, scrubs ect;

Books:

books? READING? ... OH god no! i saw a book in my room once ... so i put a glass over it then slipped a piece paper under the glass and gently let it go in the garden! i think books are more afraid of me than i am of them!!! I do like to read the ingredients of stuff, ever noticed, everything contains whey powder?

Heroes:

These r my heroes