Gabriel

....didn’t think the suits would have me back perhaps, thought they’d have my derriere replaced by one of those cookie cutter store mannequins. Well maybe I’m not “the norm,” I’m not “camera friendly,” I don’t “wear clothes that fit me,” I’m not a “heartbreaker,” I haven’t “had sex with a woman,” I don’t know “how that works,” I guess I don’t “fall in line.” I’m not “hygienic,” I don’t “wipe properly,” I lack “style,” I have no “charisma” or “self-esteem,” I don’t “own a toothbrush” or “let my scabs heal.” I can’t “reach all the parts of my body.” When I sleep I “sweat profusely,” but I guess the powers that be will keep signing my paycheck at least until John and Jane Q viewer start to go for the remote so they can get back to watching commentators that don’t frighten children, eat their own dandruff, and don’t pop their whiteheads with a compass they used in high school.(Bennet Brauer/Chris Farley) I'm a cool person, as far as I know (lol), looking to meet some other cool people and the people they know, and their friends. I am a strength and conditioning specialist, sports nutritionist and occasional instructor of kinesiology. I was born in Upstate NY, out in the boonies, but I live in AZ now and love it here! I am philosophical and witty, but can be dumbed down for a price. I like a mix in life, from the one extreme to another, be it food, experiences or people (maybe even people as food.) I like to remain even-keeled, and I firmly believe in inner peace when it's at all possible.///////////The details of my life are quite inconsequential. My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really.At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it. -- Dr. EvilProfile Edited by MPS MySpace Editor 2.0