I am a very good person. I always stop at stop signs, even if there's no one around; I return all my library books on time and at 7-11 I've taken far less pennies than I've left. I also never make fun of retards or midgets.
I was born on Cinco de Mayo (5/5) at 5:55...creepy, but true.
Growing up, I wanted to be a pirate...but apparently it's a hard field to break into...cause it's all about who you know and how big your peg-leg is.
I treat my girlfriends and dates really well because I have two older sisters who taught me how to respect women (actually they beat me until I respected women. Then they called me stinky)
I have not thrown-up since June of 1992. An 18 year non-vomit streak that I am very proud of.
I think it's sexy when girls wear guys boxers as shorts.
I believe having to pay for parking is the most fascist concept in America.
I believe you're never too old to enjoy sliding across a freshly washed floor in your socks.
I've fallen for the wrong girl so many times, I'm scared I won't recognize the right girl when I finally meet her.
The ellipsis...is my favorite punctuation mark...and I tend to...overuse...it.
I hate women that play games. I hate games...except for Football and occasionally Hungry Hungry Hippos.
I always buy food or give money to homeless people when I see them. I don't care if they use my money to buy alcohol, because I'd have a drinking problem too if I realized my country spent billions rebuilding other countries while letting me starve on the streets.
I hate unreliable people. Flakeyness is not a good quality...unless you're a croissant.
I believe laughter really is the best medicine...and its covered by all major health plans....except Blue Shield.
I believe chocolate and nuts should not be mixed together...it's like putting rocks in a pie.
I hate people who use directions to give directions. For example: "go north on Franklin and then west on sunset" I don't have a friggin compass! North to me is up. How bout just telling me if I go right or left...cause I don't have a north/south blinker on my car
I believe "happy birthday" is the greatest song ever because it is always followed by me getting cake.
I've been in love once...and it is way better than romantic comedies make it seem...I've also had my heart broken once and it's way worse than those emo songs make it seem.
I don't drink alcohol, making me perhaps the world's first Sober Irishman. I also have the only parents in the world who staged an intervention to get me to drink MORE. I was ambushed at home by all my friends. They taunted me with Guinness and Jack and cokes. But I stood my ground.
LIKES: puppy dogs, ice cream, puppy dog flavored ice cream, writing, the Minnesota Vikings, the burgers at 25 Below in Hollywood, magic tricks, afternoon naps, Sarah Michelle Gellar, edamame from Katana, the Downtown L.A. skyline at night, the smell of vanilla, cuddling, Keats(before he died), Elvis (after he died), The Simpsons, Mitch Hedberg(RIP), poker, the 1987 and 1991 World Series champion Minnesota Twins, making people laugh, hammocks, girls with six pack abs, Panda Express orange chicken, monkeys, diet coke with splenda, Matt Leinart Reggie Bush and the rest of the 2003-04 National Champion USC football team, warm socks on cold feet and of course Banana Laffy Taffy.
DISLIKES: traffic, Ann Coulter, rainy days, country music, the Green Bay Packers, brownies with walnuts, people who don't take into account other people's feelings, speed-traps, most Germans, pseudo-intellectuals, Dick Cheney, spiders, people who park in a compact spot with their Escalades, celebrity news, Gary Anderson's missed fg in the 1999 NFC championship game that cost the Vikings a trip to the Super Bowl, unfulfilled dreams, short haircuts on girls, reality TV, the DMV, people who use cell phones at the gym, the Oil Industry, vato pants, seafood, London's Heathrow airport and the state of Arkansas.
This is one of my all time favorite movie scenes...and it is so true.From Swingers (1996) Written By Jon Favreau
