Kristina

I was born in the mountains of Iowa, a poor child with no food for my belly and no blankets to keep me warm through the cold nights. Legend has it that I singlehandledly trapped and killed a mountain lion at age 2, which enabled my family to eat for a week. By age 9 I had started my own business, called "Iowa Mountain Girl," where tourists could buy textiles and trinkets sporting a silhouette of Iowa's highest mountain, Koombachomba Peak, or of the skyline of the hopping metropolis Des Moines (altitude 6,423 feet). By age 17 I had been identified as a genius and was sent off to a higher learning institution called a university, where other individuals like myself were matriculating for the honor of a title called "bachelor of arts." With hard work and perseverance, I earned this title within four years (breaking all sorts of records for speed and stamina) and went on to achieve many heroic things.