About Me
The Guy Code1. Thou shall not see the movie Brokeback Mountain.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
4. When you are queried by a buddys girlfriend/wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call B*LLSH$T. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%)
7. If you have known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever unless a deal is made.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who is running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the seadonk, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party, especially if everyone knows her.
12. Before dating a buddy ex girlfriend, you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.(*optional)
13. Women who claim they love to watch sports or "love of drinking games" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game(s) and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
14. If a mans zipper is down, thats his problem - you didn't see nothin.
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriends cat, dogs of whatever size or kind are acceptable.(poodles are not a dog)
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whos playing.
18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood or military.
19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you are sunning on a tropical beach and its delivered by a topless supermodel and its free, or you are purchasing a girlie shot and in doing so have to consume one yourself.
20. Unless you are in prison, never fight naked.(*women do not apply)
21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin, then you may sit back and enjoy.
23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: Yeah, baby, push it! comon, give me one more! Harder!, Another set and we can hit the showers. Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?
24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That just plain mean.
25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, even if she's withholding sex pending your response, in that situation ditch the bitch.
27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
28. Unlocking a car door for another man is polite. Opening it is gay.29. Locking your keys in your car is somthing women do, if it happens you may call upon a buddy for help but he has full rights unless stated otherwise to make it known to all.30. It is acceptable for buddys to bail on friends for sex unless it involves your girlfriend/wife in which case prior approvale is required.31. No man is allowed to spend more then 50 dollars on a random girl unless he A. intends to get some ass B. its his girlfriend/wife or B. bartab32. Bros before ho's ( no explination is required)33. Men who wear pink better be colorblind, no exceptions.34. No man is allowed to ask directions unless he's in a foreign country, however if he is desperate he may force a girl in the car to do so.35. Men do not sleep in P.J's period.(*boxer's are the only exception.)36. In any situation it is the duty of the man to embellish the facts up to 50%.37. Unless it's womens gymnastics, soccer, volleyball or ice skating men are forbidden to whatch such atrocities.(*exception, Manchester United)38. If a man if forced to go clothes shopping with his girlfriend/wife he must do so under duress.39. If a girfriend asks about a buddy's past love history, it is your soul duty to deny everything.(*exceptions include entrapment by the girlfriend/wife or heavydrinking)40. If you think your buddy's girlfriend is hot, keep it to yourself, unless asked by him.41. Your first loyaltie is to your buddy, not his girlfriend/wife.42. Drinking Gin and tonics is stricly forbidden unless your 350 lbs or it's free.
43. A man with a cool small dog is acceptable. A man with a shitty small dog is gay.(*i.e. poodles)44. If you or your friend has a cat, drown it now.45. Free booze is a gift from god, never turn it down.46. If a buddy turns on you for a women, it is your soul duty to help him in anyway possible. If nothing works view him as a women and move on.47. Men play baseball, women play softball PERIOD!48. If a woman loves sports as much as you or more, she is not a woman.49. If a woman is running late for more then a period of one hour, the man may move on to somthing else.50. If a buddy is drunk and is about to get on a seadonk, it is your duty to enform him of this intent.51. Men and women are opposites, this is how it is so don't ever try to figure them out... width="425" height="350" .... width="425" height="350" .... width="425" height="350" .... width="425" height="350" ..
