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I am here for Friends

About Me

..I am the Gustav Mahler of the 21st century. I know ALL the guys say that, but that's really what I am. I have some piddly job at the University of Kentucky shoveling manure (not literally, but talk to any UK employee and you'll hear a similar description) so I can continue my training in classical music composition. I want to spend my life holed up in a crappy apartment writing symphonies. I can't think of a better way to stay out of the joint, can you? Oh yeah, and I don't claim the Earth as my mother. I prefer to call her Court-Appointed-Foster-Mother Earth. Gaia, while being a very nice chick, I'm sure, only reluctantly adopted me. Pretty sure it was something she did to get her P.O. off her back. (She got into a lot of trouble from the Galactic Council for setting up the whole predator/prey relationship thing.)

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

The ghost of Bertrand Russell. I expect we'd have lots of great shit to talk about.
ABOUT MOI
Name: Baenfqoor-en-Mu'areet
Birthplace: City: Gaarviin
Province: Jermophus
Planet: Beophar
Star Sytem: Eleaz
Galaxy: Milky Way - Oh, like I'd be from a different damn galaxy. What are you, insane?

Height: 5' 11"
Eye Color: blue/green
Have any piercings? No
Have any tattoos? No
Have any warts? Yes, a little one.
YOUR FAVORITE...
Color: Black
McDonalds, Burger King or Nobu? Why is White Castle not an option?
Wine: Never touch the stuff.
Existential philosopher: Heidegger (Sartre never moved out of his mother's basement)
Teletubby: Poe
Bauhaus artist: Son, I didn't understand a word you just said.
Poet: Nipsey Russell
Album (oops, I mean CD): Mario Klemens conducting Brahms' 1st Symphony. I spin the hell out of that motherfucker.
Backstreet Boy: What's the difference? They're all in my deep freeze.
Mathematician: Blaise Pascal. Just kidding. I don't admire that sectarian, preachy little bed-wetter, are you out of your damn mind? Seriously, it's Georg Riemann. Like... duh!
Sushi: Never tried it.
HAVE YOU EVER...
...given a homeless person money? Yes.
...had a colonoscopy? In a space ship, yes.
...turned down a date? I'm afraid so. Even I have standards.
...stayed up and partied all night? Sure.
...petted a monkey? Yes, and the little bastard tried to bite me.
...played a gig with Mel Torme? Yes, and the little bastard tried to bite me.
...been in prison overseas? Well, not overSEAS, but we did have to cross the Great Lakes.
...had your heart broken? Sure, but looking back, they were all my fault.
...been diagnosed with variant Creutzfeld-Jacob Disease (vCJD), paid another person for sex, injected yourself with a needle, stuck naturally occuring objects in your ass, or traveled to West Africa in the past five years? No, yes, no, yes, no.

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My Blog

Footprints in the Sand

I had a dream that I was talking to God and He was showing me my life as a series of footprints in the sand. At some places I saw two sets of prints in the sand and I asked God what that meant. God sa...
Posted by on Wed, 16 Aug 2006 18:32:00 GMT

My use of Monkey Boy draws fire.

Henn Peck (not her real name) of Earth writes to me: The son of the man and woman that own oak factory outlet has a diabetic condition that has disfigured him. His father refuses to shut his son up in...
Posted by on Mon, 17 Jul 2006 19:49:00 GMT

I made up a joke

There was a bit of a stir in the mid-1960s when Austrian conductor Herbert von Karajan collaborated with Italian film director Franco Zeffirelli on a film version of La Boheme. The two were invit...
Posted by on Wed, 29 Mar 2006 15:06:00 GMT

Scene from "S**tbirds"

My step-son Jason and I have had this pipe dream for several years now to make a movie called "Shitbirds" about some average, or maybe slightly below-average guys hanging out and being stupid. Product...
Posted by on Mon, 27 Mar 2006 14:25:00 GMT

Free will vs. determinism

So I wake up this morning and the first words out of my mouth are "FUCK YOU, HEAD & SHOULDERS!" (a nod to Tourettes Guy), just like every morning. I hear my son in the next room (he's 28 now and w...
Posted by on Thu, 23 Mar 2006 16:13:00 GMT