Well I'm happily married to Alicia (see it does say it now :P)
And Ive got ma boma's that I might add in later on but I love you's all anyway, except David Cran ...the man we love to hate....
lol and the funniest joke of all time ...A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."omg thats soooo funny!! i love.
EVERYONE LEAVE A MESSAGE,EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME!!
[email protected] ...add me if you dare...mwhahahah
Here I'd like to list some of Stuart Fenwick's acheivements
- Stuart Fenwick can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
-Stuart Fenwick once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
-When you open a can of whoop ass,
Stuart Fenwick jumps out.
-People with amnesia remember Stuart Fenwick.
-1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Stuart Fenwick. Sounds like a fair fight.
-When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Stuart Fenwick.
-Superman wears Stuart Fenwick pyjamas!
-Stuart Fenwick thought this was funny and stole this from someone else. Cos he can.
- Stuart Fenwick can prove it's not butter.
- Stuart Fenwick can return things without a receipt.
- Stuart Fenwick gets a good radio recption, even under a tunnel.
- Stuart Fenwick was the best thing before sliced bread.
- The flu bug is scared of catching Stuart Fenwick
- Prostitutes pay Stuart Fenwick for the honour.
- Georgio Armani asks Stuart Fenwick for fashion tips.
- MC Hammer can't touch Stuart Fenwick.
Stuart Fenwick once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Stuart Fenwick can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
Stuart Fenwicks calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Stuart Fenwick can piss his name into concrete.
Stuart Fenwicks tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Stuart Fenwick can speak braille.
Stuart Fenwick died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Stuart Fenwick was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Stuart Fenwicks sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Stuart Fenwick puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Stuart Fenwick does not sleep. He waits.
Stuart Fenwick owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Stuart Fenwick can slam revolving doors.
Stuart Fenwick was once on Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Stuart Fenwick does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Stuart Fenwick doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Once a cobra bit Stuart Fenwicks leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Stuart Fenwick is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Stuart Fenwick
When Stuart Fenwick gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Stuart Fenwick doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
Giraffes were created when Stuart Fenwick uppercutted a horse.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Stuart Fenwick says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
Stuart Fenwicks dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Stuart Fenwick will not take shit from anyone.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Stuart Fenwicks PC will crash.
Stuart Fenwick is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Stuart Fenwick is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
Stuart Fenwick has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
Stuart Fenwick sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Stuart Fenwick roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
When Stuart Fenwick looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Stuart Fenwick and Stuart Fenwick.
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Stuart Fenwick can build a snowman out of rain.
Ghosts are actually caused by Stuart Fenwick killing people faster than Death can process them.
Stuart Fenwick doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Stuart Fenwicks roundhouse kick.
Stuart Fenwick plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Stuart Fenwick once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
Stuart Fenwick can kill two stones with one bird.
Stuart Fenwick once punched a man in the soul.
Stuart Fenwick is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Stuart Fenwick to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.
If you can see Stuart Fenwick, he can see you. If you can't see Stuart Fenwick you may be only seconds away from death.
The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Stuart Fenwick didn't kill you in your sleep.
Stuart Fenwick once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.
The chief export of Stuart Fenwick is pain.
Stuart Fenwick can tie his shoes with his feet.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Stuart Fenwicks fist.
The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Stuart Fenwick. This amuses Stuart Fenwick because he is bulletproof.
Stuart Fenwick can drown a fish.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Stuart Fenwick is.
Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Stuart Fenwick donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Stuart Fenwick still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Stuart Fenwick and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Stuart Fenwick doesn't believe in magic.
Stuart Fenwick can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Stuart Fenwick is.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Stuart Fenwick.
Stuart Fenwick is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Stuart Fenwick has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
When Stuart Fenwick enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Stuart Fenwick can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Stuart Fenwick once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression "Shitting bricks" wasn't just a figure of speech.
Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Stuart Fenwick.
Stuart Fenwick once finished "The Song that Never Ends".
Stuart Fenwick does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
When Superman squeezes a lump of coal, he creates a diamond. When Stuart Fenwick squeezes a lump of coal, he creates an African child to work in his diamond mines.
Stuart Fenwick used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
When God said, "Let there be light", Stuart Fenwick said, "say please."
Touching Stuart Fenwicks beard will increase you life expectancy by 6 years. Unfortunately, the following roundhouse kick will reduce your life expectancy by 300. You do the math.
The only time Stuart Fenwick was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Mr. T once defeated Stuart Fenwick in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Stuart Fenwick invented racism.
The last digit of pi is Stuart Fenwick. He is the end of all things.
A unicorn once kicked Stuart Fenwick. That is why they no longer exist.
When Stuart Fenwick breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.
ADD is not a disease. It's just impossible to focus when you know that Stuart Fenwick could strike at any moment.
Stuart Fenwick doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Bullets dodge Stuart Fenwick.
When Stuart Fenwick answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.
Vin Diesel can be re-arranged to say, "I end lives". Screw that; Stuart Fenwick can be re-arranged to say "Stuart Fenwick", Which means the same thing.
Stuart Fenwick cannot predict the future; the future just better fucking do what Stuart Fenwick says.
Someone once tried to tell Stuart Fenwick that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
If Stuart Fenwick makes a woman ride on top during sex, she instantly qualifies for the "mile high" club.
Stuart Fenwick has only one hand: the upper hand.
Stuart Fenwick doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.
Stuart Fenwick once broke a mirror on a black cat under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. That was the day he won the lottery.
Stuart Fenwick is the fastest sky diver in the world because not even air dares to resist him.I edited my profile at Freeweblayouts.net , check out these Myspace Layouts!
