Here Go Tha Stank Shit

hello ladies an gentlemens, welcome aboawd.this is section 8 flight fo shi'thead airways. please check yo ticket at this time ta make sure you on boawd tha right aircraff. as you is takin yo seat today, we would like you ta pay attention up here ta tha front fo a minute. i am yo head hostess, shi'thead baker...what it do? also assitances me in tha cabin taday is shameekuh, daneeda, laquida, vaneeda and miss rhonda. an we don't know what sexual urrientation miss rhond is or what her gendah is, but you can aks her when she be seated. today flight is on a macdonald burring, MD20/20 aircraff. it is a double-deck whispah jet, people. if we runs into any kinda problem on tha aircraff taday, our captain is rev. cleotis jefferson, who is also pastor of Tha Fruit of Tha Spurit of Macadamia Jubilation Congregation & Show Choir. an he is assistances taday by deccan earl clovis, an we want ta welcome him into tha spurit of tha Lawd. ladies an gentlemens, it have come to our attention that we have a celebity on today flight. let's give it up, an put ya hands tagetha, fo tha comeplex multi-talents of miss latoya jackson, who is flyin firss class wit us taday. i would like ta poiwnt out that regalations do require that all firearms do be securely stowed fo tha duration of tha flight taday ta macdonald's.ladies an gentlemens, we, as yo cabin crew, is pleased ta serve you. do not hesitate ta aks fo assistances. howevah, tha stewardess do not appreciate if people is feelin up on they leeeeeggggsss...in tha event of a change in altitoove, oxigen maks will drop in front of yo face. please aks yo child ta remain seated at all times, an apply they maks aftah you have applied yo own maks. we aks, at this time, that you do not spill things on our carpet, as it is not yet paid fo. ladies an gentlemens, if you look ta tha back of tha aircraft, you will notice it is a ressroom there fo yo convenience, located in tha back an one up here in tha front. but tha one in tha front is fo FIRSS CLASS OWNLY, THANK YOU...please note that tha blue water will not dissolve a hair weave....but if you are a oldah individual, an i notice we gots some old people up in here today...how y'all doin...? we aks that you, please, use discretion an do not attempt ta flush a disposable undahgawrmenkt. on shi'thead airways, if you choose ta smoke that is, of course, yo bidness an tha airline do not be responsible if tha white folks on tha ground finds out about it. tha smoke detectahs in tha ressroom has been disconnected fo yo convenience, but we still aks, please do not smoke clove up in here. our flight time taday is whenevah we get theah, we get theah. at this time we aks that you, please, be seated...an scuse me to this lady down here in 13B, ok...i'ma have ta aks you ta remove yo hat, as it violate FBFA regalations, ok? one final remindah taday: our aircraff is not a church; tha combination of liquor an altitoove is not tha same as "getting happy" an i want ta announce that, also, we do not allow any LOUD TAWLKIN UP IN HEAH! we appreciate you flyin wit us taday, an we aks you ta sit back an fasten yo seat belt. an you know how ta do that, so i ain't gonna tell ya. if you that damn ignant, you need ta get off tha plane. we hope ya enjoy ya flight taday. now, sit down an shut up an heah we go...