I blow-dry my hair in the shower. Dust my house with a leaf blower. Bumper ski in the summertime. Pour water on a grease fire. Hard boil eggs in a microwave. Drive cars with no oil. Cross streets without looking. Shovel snow with a flamethrower. Play lawn darts blind folded. Wear all black to weddings. Break mirrors on purpose. Hand feed wild bears. Drink moonshine through a crazy-straw. Use cell-phones on airplanes. And I run with handfuls of scissors.
Ok, Someone told me that this statement sums me up.
You're not supposed to arrive at the end of your life sedately, nicely coiffed, body in perfect condition - going quietly up to the pearly gates. Rather - you're supposed to skid in sideways, completely worn out, grinning from ear to ear with a bottle of champagne in one hand yelling "WOW! What a ride!"
About my friends:
Good friends will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough... Best friends will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "bitch drink the rest of that...!" You know we don't waste that shit!
About Women:
Good girls are just smart bad girls that don't get caught.
About life:
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!
May you...work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, dance like no-one is watching and have sex like it's being filmed!
You can't be old and wise if you were never young and crazy!
If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and partying your ass off, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer
When I die, I want to die in my sleep, like my Grandfather did. Not Yelling and Screaming like his passengers were!
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.