Rob Baker profile picture

Rob Baker

Do it.

About Me

Hi there, Rob B here, live from my lighthouse which is set in the hauntingly beautiful surroundings of Wigan.I work hard driving fast cars & shouting on television, and writing crap for the newspapers, but then it's back home for a big meaty shit in my solid gold toilet.I can usually be found pottering around town, picking up my monthly supply of hammers from the builders merchants, or helping the local kids with their bonfire night preparations. I can't stand the namby-pamby health and safety brigade, and under my strict supervision I even let the kids use my Turbo charged JCB to build the bonfire. You should have seen the pile of tyres they had blazing last year! As long as they bring the keys back, I can't see the harm!?!After dinner I like to take a stroll around the headland here; it's lovely on a clear summers evening when I can get a good clean shot at the grey seals.Ok, don't add me to your friends then, you bunch of cunts! :-)Update - 29th March 2006Oh well, I've figured out how to do my top eight. This is good news for those of you who have been welcomed under my evil cloak thing, you know, one of them frocks what preists wear.Of course every silver lining has a cloud, and some of you will have woken up to find yourselves relegated to obscurity.A couple of words of consolation: Tough Shit!

My Interests

Burning petrol, breaking things and shouting. Sports-wise, it's gotta be rugby union, also golf, F1, Fzero, polo, horse racing, killing wildlife and gladiatorial games.

I'd like to meet:

How do I know until I've met them?

Music:

Bit of anything really, Phil Collins perhaps?

Movies:

Anything with shouting and guns in.

Television:

Anything with things getting broken or shouting in.

Books:

Kurt Vonnegut and George Orwell for sure! The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists should be left in hotel rooms instead of bibles. Bick Hicks, yeah fuck off, I know he's not a book. Nor is Doug Stanhope. Or Richard Feynman.

Heroes:

Defo my sister, and my mates.

My Blog

The crappest blog ever...

If there's one thing that I can't stand, it's people offering me money, or taking money for themselves.   Don't get me wrong, I need a bit of lube like everyone else. It's when people offer it t...
Posted by Rob Baker on Sun, 09 Sep 2007 12:53:00 PST

Bum Chutney

Pleasant morning locked in a state that only lunatics can dream of, thinking that my children are somehow better or more deserving than other children.  More important, for example, than the litt...
Posted by Rob Baker on Fri, 07 Sep 2007 07:19:00 PST

Seething

Well I ain't never been so angry Knuckles.  That's about all I got to say.
Posted by Rob Baker on Wed, 22 Aug 2007 05:55:00 PST

Blagspot Dot Cotton

Pleasant breakfast of earwax and fish bones washed down with a tall glass of freshly squeezed bird shit.  Obviously the weather hasn't been the best recently, but whatever the forecast my plans d...
Posted by Rob Baker on Sat, 04 Aug 2007 05:35:00 PST

In This Golden Age

We Waz Ere, this Twenty Seventh day of July, Two Thousand years and Seven Anno Domini.   And from our tower, we titillate ourselves with the jovial violence of the local jack-about-towns, and set...
Posted by Rob Baker on Fri, 27 Jul 2007 02:41:00 PST

Fuck a duck!

Pleasant breakfast of boulders and telegraph poles with me old mate god, or Gary Almighty as us lot up here all call him, washed down with a few gallons of squid ink.  An army marches on its stom...
Posted by Rob Baker on Sun, 25 Feb 2007 11:52:00 PST

Oceania

  On a clear quiet night a long time ago, long before the written word, a lone figure, a human being, is standing in the shimmering moonlight of the waters edge.    She walks out and ...
Posted by Rob Baker on Sun, 11 Feb 2007 09:20:00 PST

Plastic

Of course, as a general rule, all things being equal as it were, One tries not to associate with humans.   With their two spindly legs, grinning jabbering face holes full of teeth, nazi attitude...
Posted by Rob Baker on Thu, 01 Feb 2007 02:16:00 PST

Tiger, tiger...

Tiger, tiger, burning bright, what a load of fucking shite.   Imagine you are a tiger.   Close your eyes for a moment, but continue to read this in your mind, and feel where your ferocious...
Posted by Rob Baker on Sat, 20 Jan 2007 09:13:00 PST

Microswarft Woid Knuckles

Pleasant evening in at the lighthouse purging my filthy hide of blackheads and masturbating like a Singer sewing machine on turbo overwarp factor 11.   Four for hours.   Tugging away like a ...
Posted by Rob Baker on Wed, 03 Jan 2007 04:08:00 PST