Turtle

Unleash the Fiend! Spew late-night revelations! Drink Jolt and coffee! Terrorize mall-goers! Shave your pubic hair! Invoke your Dark Side! Vandalize everything! Stand in the middle of traffic and dance! Return favors twofold and return malice fivefold! Infest computers with viruses! Play Monopoly and cheat your ass off! Make prank phone calls! Leave your fly open or your skirt hiked! Show wonders to the dead! Start a radio station! Crack incest jokes at family reunions! Warp out on video games! Shove weird pictures through late-night book and video drops! Insert tiny propaganda bombs into publications and newsstands everywhere! Defy TV! Denounce everybody! See through everything! Place disturbing classified ads in newspapers! Promote heavy drug use! Bleed on everything! Send your teacher's or boss's name in to matchmaker publications! Let it all slide off your back! Pick up stray telepathic thoughts! Piss in small, enclosed public places! Sling dead things into mailboxes! Steal neighbors' pets and covertly deposit them in huge grocery stores -- in the freezers! Toss money at people! Alert people to their inherent beauty or ugliness! Put leaks in cups! Interrupt transmissions! Disappear for a few weeks! Paint targets on cars! Copyright everything you see, say, or do! Rant! Stare hatefully at completely normal and boring people! Compete with your teacher in class! Stomp in quiet hallways! Pretend that you're invisible! Doodle anti-Christian imagery! Streak! Revere the unpopular! Place weird ads in sex magazines! Cough up blood when you laugh! Penalize people with imaginary point systems! Absorb CPU radiation! Believe in demons! Put Gutenberg to shame! Leave fingernail and hair clippings everywhere you go! Tip the service generously but fuck with the management! Suddenly realize you're halfway down the page! Feed dogs gobs of peanut butter! Send letters to Hustler about bestiality! Play devil's advocate! Defy classification! Get yourself on TV! Shoot rubber bands! Storm into bars and demand tap water! Untangle phone cords! Wear prison clothes to school or work! Make a game out of your own pain and discomfort! Talk in your sleep! Express interest in everybody! Drink blood, spray piss! Write commentary in the margins of unpurchased magazines and books! Switch labels on boxes and computer discs! Call a phone sex line from your boss's phone and leave it off the hook! Start a church! Build a steeple! Lock the doors and shit on the people! Fake illiteracy! Cross-dress! Hang out in locker rooms and lingerie bars! LIE!!! Initiate breast feedings! Stuff your bra or your pants! Write several conflicting autobiographies! Wear elevator shoes and religious beauty marks! Play with mercury! Explore India Ink! KY Jelly is your friend! Write a contract denying ALL responsibility and have everybody you meet sign it! Tell sick jokes! Be politically incorrect! Pit conservatives and liberals against each other! Talk about ki**ing the President! Start an obsessive and obscure collection! Grow natural dreadlocks! Pick your nose on public transportation! Get your hands bloody! Place various objects on train tracks! Invent more origami! Try not to notice that everyone resents you! Make love to anything! Make war on everything! Try to put every external organ in your mouth! Be sleazy! Make up parables! Memorize mass murder facts! Develop a cramped and psychotic handwriting style! Explode fruit and vegetables! Stand on bridges and throw heavy things off! Make unintelligible phone calls to talk shows! Take surveys! Release the Kraken! Become a hermaphrodite! Cultivate acne! Look normal -- BE insane! Infiltrate cliques and then destroy them! Record all conversation, save all letters, take pictures of everyone! Peep & exhibit! Leave religious propaganda in porno shops! Take a deep breath! And... JUMP!