Scoobs

I love dogs and my friends, and I especially love one beautiful and sweet girl. I play jazz trumpet, and I'm trying to teach myself how to play bass. I eat way too much and I sleep till ten. I'm a movie director! Woot!
You Know You're From Massachusetts When...
The person driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you are cursing him for going too slow.When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke...not quinine water.You actually enjoy driving around rotaries.You almost feel disappointed when someone doesn't flip you the bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space.You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester, Billerica, Haverhill, Barre and Cotuit.You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday in order to get beer.You know that there are two Bulger brothers, and that they're both crooks.You know what they sell at a packie.You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after last call.You can actually find your way around Boston.Evacuation Day is a recognized holiday.You know what First Night is.You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or Seamus.You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and Independence Day.You have never been to Cheers.When the words 'WICKED' and 'GOOD' go together.You knew that there was no chance in hell that the Pats would move to Hartford.You have gone to at least one party at UMass.The curse of the Bambino is taught in public schools.You own a "Yankees Suck" shirt or hat.You think Doug Flutie is the greatest athlete ever.You remember exactly where you were when the ball rolled through Buckner's legs.You pray for the Red Sox to win the World Series not this season, but in your lifetime.You know how to make a frappe.You know that "Big Dig" is also a kind of ice cream you can get at Brigham's.You actually know how to merge from 6 lanes of traffic down to one.You never go to "Cape Cod", you go "down the Cape".You think that Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs and Derek Jeter are more evil than Whitey Bulger.You went to Old Sturbridge Village, Plymouth Plantation, or both, on field trip in grammar school.You're aware that there is a town, somewhere in Massachusetts, named Brimfield where they have the biggest outdoor antique market in the world.You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day.You know that the Mass Pike is some sort of strange weather dividing line.You know that P-Town isn't the name of a new rap group.You know that Ludlow is 90% Portuguese and that Fall River is 90% Lebanese.You do not recognize the letter "R" as a part of the English language.You've called something "wicked pissa"You have driven to either Rhode Island, New Hampshire or Vermont for a tattoo.You see people like Steven Tyler (Aerosmith), Dicky Barret (The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones), and Evan Dando (The Lemonheads) in the local supermarket and it doesn't phase you.You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgaterKnow at least three Tony's, one Vinnie and a Frank(ie)Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkin Donuts, ATM or CVS within eyeshot at all times.You keep an ice scraper and can of de-icer on the floor of your car...year roundYou still try to order curly fries from Burger KingYou order iced coffee in JanuaryYou know what candlepin bowling isYou drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales taxYou've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left.You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree ShopYou know what a "regular" coffee isYou actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Massachusetts.

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You Know You're Jewish When....
You spent your entire childhood thinking everyone called pot roast "brisket."You grew up thinking it was normal for someone to shout "Are you okay? Are you okay?" through the bathroom door when you were in there longer than 3 minutes.Your family dog responded to commands in Yiddish.Every Saturday morning your father went to the neighborhood deli (called an "appetizing store") for whitefish salad, whitefish ("chubs"), lox (nova if you were rich!), herring, corned beef, roast beef, cole slaw, potato salad, a 1/2-dozen huge barrel pickles, a dozen assorted bagels, cream cheese and rye bread (sliced while he waited) .. all of which would be strictly off-limits until Sunday morning.Every Sunday afternoon was spent visiting your grandparents and/or other relatives.You experienced the phenomenon of 50 people fitting into a 10-foot-wide dining room hitting each other with plastic plates trying to get to a deli tray.You had at least one female relative who penciled on eyebrows which were always asymmetrical.You thought pasta was stuff used exclusively for Kugel and kasha with bowties.You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.You were as tall as your grandfather by the age seven and a half.You never knew anyone whose last name didn't end in one of 5 standard suffixes (berg, baum, man, stein and witz.)You were surprised to discover that wine doesn't always taste like cranberry sauce.You can look at gefilte fish and not turn green.Your mother smacked you really hard and continues to make you feel bad for hurting her hand.You can understand Yiddish but you can't speak it.You know how to pronounce numerous Yiddish words and use them correctly in context, yet you don't exactly know what they mean. Kinahurra.You're still angry at your parents for not speaking both Yiddish and English to you when you were a baby.You have at least one ancestor who is somehow related to your spouse's ancestor.Your grandparent's newly washed linoleum floor was covered with the NY Times, which your grandparents could not read.You thought speaking loud was normal.You considered your Bar or Bat Mitzvah a "Get Out of Hebrew School Free" card.You think eating half a jar of dill pickles is a wholesome snack.You're compelled to mention your grandmother's "steel cannonballs" upon seeing fluffy matzo balls served at restaurants.You buy 3 shopping bags worth of hot bagels on every trip to NYC and ship them home via FedEx. (Or, if you live near NYC or Philadelphia or another Jewish city hub, you drive 3 hours just to buy a dozen "real" bagels.)Your mother took personal pride when a Jew was noted for some accomplishment (showbiz, medicine, politics, etc.) and was ashamed and embarrassed when a Jew was accused of a crime .. as if they were relatives.You thought sleepaway college was only where non-Jews went ... Jews went to city schools ... unless they had scholarships or made an Ivy League school.And finally, you knew that Sunday night and the night after any Jewish holiday was designated for Chinese food.You're proud to be Jewish - and you pass these jokes on to all your Jewish friends!

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