My page is dedicated to my son Ryan.He talked me into getting a myspace, showing me how to set it up, while telling me how I would get great comfort from it one day....He already knew I would need extra prayers and support from friends near and far, for he was dying from Melanoma Cancer.......
September 1, 1981 - June 7, 2006
My Son Ryan, a fighter of Melanoma Skin Cancer has passed away after a strong-willed and persistent fight. Ryan was a very strong young man that always held his head high and kept a smile on his face in spite of his illness. I love you with all my heart Ryan and I miss you more then words can say!
THIS WAS WRITTEN BY RYAN'S LITTLE SISTER KARISSA
ONE YEAR AGO TODAY....
Always Loved, but Never Forgotten
The quiet, but continuous, purr of the little black fan sitting in the corner of the room, and faint unsteady wheezing was all there was to be heard. The room was dimly lit, so all you could see were shadows of the surrounding faces. Of them, my mother, my sister Kirstin, my brother Ryan, his girlfriend Kate, the hospice nurse, and myself, Karissa.
Ryan lied in his bed, so serene, eyes closed with no movement but the rise and fall of his chest, as he managed to breathe. The family, huddled around him but not enough to crowd. Just close enough to let him know we were there, and to be able to reach out and rub his precious hands. We all just kind of watched, waiting for something. All of us not sure what for, though. We watched with sorrow. We watched with pain. But most of all, we watched with love.
The nurse woke him gently, to check his vital signs and to give him his dreaded eight different medications. As he slowly sat up, off balance and tired, he murmured something about having to use the bathroom. When the nurse was through, we brainstormed on a way to actually get him there. It took a couple of tries, but we got him to his feet. My sister, Kirstin, leaned his weak body on her own walking him slowly towards the bathroom. As they reached the doorway to his room, he suddenly straightened his back, looked over, and gazed into my sister’s face with soft eyes, as if to tell her that everything will be okay. I have been told that look felt like a lifetime to my sister, but before she could say anything, he looked forward again, and with one step of courage, he fell to the ground. I like to think that with that step, he walked right into the hands of God.
In that same exact second that my eyes witnessed my very own brother’s sick, tired body fall to the ground, my heart felt like it exploded. That did not, although, alter my reflexes. I immediately jumped to my feet and ran up behind him, trying to help my sister stand him up. After a failed attempt, we leaned him against the wall, while my mom, in the shock of it all screamed, “I love you, Ryan†and ran out to the living room. My aunt Kam, who was in the living room while all of this was going down, sprinted to my side trying to get Ryan to react to her snapping fingers, and hold back tears at the same time. It is almost as if, we all, in some way shape or form, knew what was going on, but were just too stubborn to let our brains comprehend it.
As my heart raced, my eyes watered, my face reddened, and my mouth SCREAMED. I stared at his face, right in front of my own, as his eyes, still trying to open, rolled back. All of his body systems were shutting down right in front of me. He quickly became completely non-responsive and that is when I could take no more. I stumbled my way into the living room to find my mom, my voice at its maximum volume. Not screaming for her, or any words for that matter, just screaming.
My mind was racing, but stuck at the same time. [Where is the nurse? Is this all really happening? What happens next? I NEED somebody.] And I definitely did. I needed somebody to answer my questions. I needed somebody to hug, to hold, to make everything just go away.
My aunt yells something about me calling my other aunt, Kris. I choked out the words as best as I could, about what was going on, and she assured me she was on her way. I then dialed the person I suddenly knew was the one I needed most right then, my daddy. My dad struggled to understand my sobbing pleads for him to come to my rescue, and that’s exactly what he did.
While he was on his way, I realized that the hospice nurse still wasn’t present. I wanted to flip. As she walked in the door and quickly evaluated the scene, I started telling her off. (To say it nicely,) “Where the F%@$ were you? He needs you! Can’t you see that?†I yelled at her accusingly and angry. I guess, at the time the entire situation needed some type of scapegoat, and she was it for me. She rushed back the hall, and she and Kam began to perform CPR to try to resuscitate his already deceased body. I could not take the site of that, so I took my mom out of our apartment, and into the public hallway to try and calm her down. As I tried to comfort my heartbroken, distraught mother, our close relatives started to show up.
At last, which what felt like took a million years, my father got there. I ran up and he held me in his arms, making me never want to leave them again. I needed that human contact, that reassurance that people I love and care about were still with me. I cannot put in writing all of the words shouted that day, mostly because I do not remember them all, the day almost a blur to me now. Ryan Lynn Rohrbaugh died on June 7, 2006, may he rest in peace.Mom, please listen to me
as I take the time to write.
I see parents struggling daily,
Their pain is such a fight...All of us who've gone
And left the rest of you behind...
We're ok, Mom, I promise ...
Heaven is beautiful and God is kind.You used to tell me that one day
God would call and take you home.
You told me you'd make me strong
So I would stand tall when alone.But things happen, Mom
That does not go in our plans,
I wasn't scared, Mom,
When God held out his hand.I didn't want to leave you,
I didn't have time to say good-bye
When the angels said, "Come with us"
There wasn't time to question why.I've watched you daily, Mom.
It hurts to see you cry.
I don't want you to be unhappy,
Just because we didn't get to say good-bye.Tell others what I'm telling you,
So many parents need to know
That Earth was just a layover
We had another place to go.I know you miss me, Mom
I know your heart was broken in two.
But God really needed me
Because my earthly life was through.I’m always alongside you...
I smile and touch your hair.
I whisper "Mom, I love you"
You just can't see me there.I'm the one that gently touches you
On your shoulder when you're sad.
I'm happy now that you finally found
God again, and are no longer mad.Tell the parents, Mom, for me
That all of us kids are okay.
God had plans for our lives
When he called us home that day.I love you, Mom, I always will
And remember I'm not far away.
We're going to be together
When God calls out your name.I MISS YOU SO MUCH RYAN</MARQUEE
