4103004

Well, you didn't wake up this morning 'cause you didn't go to bed
You were watching the whites of your eyes turn red
The calendar on your wall was ticking the days off
You been reading some old letters
You smile and think how much you've changed
All the money in the world couldn't buy back those days

You pull back your curtains and the sun burns into your eyes
You watch a plane flying across the clear blue skies

This is the day your life will surely change
This is the day when things fall into place

You could've done anything if you'd wanted
And all your friends and family think that you're lucky
But the side of you they never see
Is when you're left alone with the memories
That hold your life together like glue/p>
You pull back your curtains and the sun burns into your eyes
You watch a plane flying across the clear blue skies

This is the day your life will surely change
This is the day when things fall into place

This is the Day by The The (1984).

"I've seen her light, tried to talk about it..."

'Listening to the music...tapping your thigh. Such a simple gesture...but it's making me high.'

THE QUOTE BOARD: Are you on it?

"Was that the barn? Was that the barn? I think it was too small to be a barn, it looked more like a stable. There was a cow there, does that mean... what? That it could have been a barn? There's no cows in barns. There's cows on a farm. Are there always barns on farms? There are stables in farms, right, but not necessarily barns? I don't think that was the barn." Larry, CYE (a.k.a Hilarious)

"Z, 4, Q, Another Q, A Third Q, and... the Batman symbol." (Peter Griffin is Amazing).

"92 Marshmallows...91 Marshmallows...This is making me hungry for marshmallows."

"Are you going to make fun of everything?" "No, I'm not that quick."

"You're acting like a tyrannical fascist!" "...Did he just call me a dinosaur?"

"What do you know, she is out of eggs. And, if you are watching this, then you are too."

"The question is, how much more black can this get? And, the answer is, none, none more black."

"But, these go to eleven."

"He died...in a bizarre gardening accident."

"The man up and disappeared like a fart in the wind."

"Mariposa en el cielo!"

"I hope it's not another knock-knock joke. I always ruin them by saying, 'come in!'"

"I guess it takes Juan to know Juan."

"Oh my God my fish is gone!...and he robbed me!"

"You're turning red... and you aren't even the bee!" (HAHA).

"No, that was a commercial for the new iFlea from Apple. It bites you... right in the ass! That's their new slogan, I don't much care for it."

"Actually, that's the two things it does: makes quesadillas in 8 seconds, and bites you. Not very practical, but it's well priced at $399.72. I may get it."

"Would a hug help?"

"Four, shall thou not count, neither count thou 2, accepting that thou then proceed to three."

"A 5 ounce bird cannot carry a 1 pound coconut." It could have been carried by an African Swallow." "An African Swallow, yes, but not an European Swallow." "Suppose two swallows carried it together..."

"No go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!"

"That rabbit's dynamite."

"What are you going to do, bleed on me?"

"You must find... another shrubery!"

"Professor Gordon Grigg is a zoologist in the department of zoology and entomology at the University of Queensland. He has a particular fondness for crocodiles, echidnas, kangaroos, frogs, and flying. He hopes that next time he gets a madcap idea like this one, especially if it involves concreting, someone will quietly strangle him."

"Bob Sunday."

"We put the 'us' in Anus!

"We're having Trey's sperm tested." "Is it not doing well in school?"

"They never salt anything...ever."

"I would be the red guy, and I'd be called Taylor 'The Taylor' Parks."

"Cannibalistic cantaloupe."

"Where's my mouse? My mouse!"

"I admire your skills, Mr. Peanut."

"Jerry, number one here."

"Look Marge, Maggie lost her baby legs!"

"Good 'Ol Stu."

"Remember to check your email, everyone." "Yes, three times a day kids...so, everytime you eat, check your email."

"I'm not getting a percentage of the deal here, talking about 'The Keeper.'"

"'What do you want from the future?' 'Would you run if I said, 'you?' 'Would you chase me if I did?'"

"I can't...I'm not wearing my hedge jumping pants today."

"No...these are my everyday balloons."

"Does Salad Fingers know who I am?"

"Yes... I too have an uncle..."

"Have you ever noticed how he references himself? 'According to 'Hurlbert, 1971...' He should just say, 'According to me...!'"

"See, March...March gave back. April? Take, take, take!"

"Hey look, that dog is sticking his head out the window! Yeah, and he just got groomed!"

"Margaret, prepare the emergency ham!"

"Duffman could use an eye-opener!"

"If my butler Bernard answers, just ask for Andrew."

"British people have always been kind of disturbing to me. Not to diss the British, or anything.." (Ha.. um..)

"And the 3rd eye on Kansas Melissa is horribly done."

"When everyone looks at me, they see a loser. Except for the guy with the lazy eye...he sees a loser and the snack table."

"Peter, please don't wipe your nose on the couch."

"Am I supposed to conduct with my penis?"

"You're not very credible. Oh yeah? Well you're not very incredible!"

"He's like a bad date...just makes everything uncomfortable."

"Your a CANCER!"

"...Do you have any spare change?" "Well, that just ruined it."

"Oh, it's panic time 'old head'"

"You got a real beefer on your hands, don't ya?"

(Homer, In a drunken slur): "Don't forget to bring back my car back tomorrow....just slide it under the door."

"See the wooden mailbox over there?" "Sir, I see about nine wooden mailboxes."

"Who's that one girl, that songs that one song... the one that won that one show?"

"It's the 'when I think about you I touch myself' ipod."

"Snow is good."

"What am I, your intellectual beard for the evening?"

"A motorcycle...a juicer..."

"You're a barrel of conversation."

"Why are you chewing gum... like it's going to go away?" "That hurt, Taryn. You know I have a problem with gum."

"You know what I heard about Taryn Parks? She's dim."

"Your shambles."

"Um, what the heck, I just told you I was on the pot."

"You just toad me." "No, that is not okay. Not from my sister. Someone else's sister maybe, but not mine."

"That's you...Hogwartz."

"Hottentot 2000: Jennifer Lopez and her butttt... ughhh!" (He's an Amazing Brother).

"So is everyone looking forward to graduation? I hope I can come... considering it's Easter and all."

"Why was her leg all to her side? Who was she... gumby? Maybe that's why she had reserved seats...I'd reserve seats for gumby too."

"Nobody throws away porn. They're like heirlooms--you pass them down the family tree."

"Ask me about my vow of silence."

"My karma ran over your dogma."

"At least he didn't say dickhole hands."

"So, you can say, 'over here', and then, when they turn their head, you can say, 'over here.'"

"How many people wish their head wasn't here right now?"

"I am so cheesed off."

"Yeah, but doing that would be so 'old hat'. What the fuck? Did I just say 'old hat?'"

"One day, a guy came in asking to rent a car to go to the eye doctor. He said he had bad glaucoma. Now, had it been a problem with his nose or ears, I would have been a little more flexible. But his eyes? That's slight more crucial to driving."

"Oh my God, this DUI is a She-U-I!"

"You can't make a horse who can't keep his eyes open.. do stuff." Whaaaat the?

"You've invented...sleeves."

"Holy crip, he's a crapple."

"Pens < e"

"Oh, I didn't realize I had to pound the button, stand on one leg, close both eyes, and recite the name of my first pet repeatedly in order to get it to work."

"Either he's hiding it, or not digesting properly..."

"Move your ass, donkey!"

"I went to the store to buy a candleholder, but they did not have one...so, I bought a cake."

"End of transaction... we don't need to bring ink and paper into this."

"When someone hands me a flier, it's like they are saying 'here, you throw this away.'"

"Bush, search party of three, you can eat once you find... the Dufrenes."

"I mean, it's like... why you gotta do that while I'm watching TV?"

"We could all walk in there, arms linked, wearing matching shirts!"

"Alright gents, hold on to your knickers."

"You tossers!"

"What... did you guys get a group rate or something?"

"Wow, that kid graduated college...all thanks to Nesquik."

"Out of the top ten, we were 68!"

"Hello, Benjamin."

"I drink wine to feel more romantic."

"Apartment for rent, in a great neighborhoos." "Neighborhoos huh?" "Haha, what is that plural? Neighborhooses?...Neighborheese!"

"What was tha-- riiighhht."

"It begs the question... if dogs have pheromone receptors, and whether or not these pheromones are excreted by our human legs."

"If you want to do well at a party, you use pheromones. They are very expensive...so as I remember."

"There was a lady scientist in a lab coat, worked on olfaction for 30 years... it was very convincing."

"It looks just like... THIS!"

"It's gross if you think about it."

"Go home and look at your tongue--brush it first."

"I'm a pescatarian."

"Any accent people out there? My mom used to use it... she put it on the tongue."

"This is actually pretty good chalk, last year they had a different brand of chalk...that didn't taste as good."

"I got "Mmmmm Sauce Tails!"

"If he looks over at us... we need to clap. Quick, clap!"

"The most comfortable couch? I am pretty sure the most comfortable couch is equal to the least comfortable bed."

"Maybe he uses it to attract pick up lines... 'So.. what's with your skunk spot?'"

"Dude, she just called you a butthole."

"Are we running gel electrophoresis, or baking a cake?"

"Lock and load...the gel."

"This is a (gel) loading zone only."

"There's two sides to every toothpick."

"The money melts...because it's a snowball."
"That will be six dollars." "Okay, and how much is that in pubes?"

"Strap on your ballroom breast...Ha, wait."

"Who I'd like to meet: Anyone cool and who likes to talk. Oh yeah, and I guess Jesus, because...why not? I can seriously imagine him saying something really deep... saying to me like, "Taylor, go towards the fridge, as that is where the milk is" and I'd be all like, "uhh...OK Jesus..."

"Taryn 17 "
"Turn that frown upside down!" "That's a smile, not an upside down frown."
"Pie, be your pie."

"And, here's another thing... the book... is also...a hat."

"Ah yes, the fence... a cripple's natural enemy."

"My name's not Adam We! Or.. is it? Nobody messes with Adam We."

"We've got no time...this is the most unstable vagina I have ever talked to."

"Hey guys, you know what they call a Jewish woman's boobs? .... Jewbs."

"Don't call me shoeless! You're shoeless!"

"You're a towel!"

"So, wait, you are going to have two penises then."

"Why is he suturing his own face? "...To turn me on?"

"Uh, okay, let's all puncture ourselves trying to get a guitar pick."

"Apparently, I can't catch."

"Wow, look at this place! A pond for skinny-dipping, a tire for skinny-swinging..."

"It's all ga-gooey."

"This is the flaw in the check, check plus, check minus system.."

"What's a VHS?" "Oh Jesus, dude!"

"Why don't their daddies just act in a movie?"

"Ah, and these are Puff Daddy's kids: P Diddy Mini, P Puffy Bite Size, and Puff a Didi Didi Puff Fun Size."

"Somebody smells, whoo hoo!"

"Mothersmurfer!"

"You know, the Tree Genital Cutter Frog."

"Climb out of your holes, people!"

"Were you not paying attention when I did my murder scene metaphor?"

"Methane.. methane...does it involve farting?"

"Is he a boy scout?"

"Did you draw that yourself, Stu? You're really good."

"Yo, Stu!"

"Yeah...Stu."

"Do you think the fact that everyone is failing reflects on your teaching style, Stu?"

"Why is there a little head there?"

"I never thought the term was useful, though I have done many studies on it."

"On the back of the syllabus.." "Which one?"

"Alright, who's getting out the thank you card for Geni?"

"Okay, what the shit are we doing guys?"

"Just below the Clavipeter we have..."

"This is one of the greatest boondoggles..." (Whaaaat the?)

"Yeah, but your brother is cooler because he takes his sister to shows."

"You can't rephrase it."

"You're going to be 80 saying 'I got it!'"

"I almost choked on my Squirt."

"Jebus."

"Let's make like hockey sticks and get the puck out of here."

"This thing is welded shut."

"One time, I just looked at one, and it popped open."

"I'm an eight!"

"SKULL."

"It's all about the bean dip."

"What perplexes me is the part on the bottle where it says 'now with 94% more!' Does this mean there was only 6% to begin with?"

"Awww, they have no more prid"

"You'd be willing to sacrifice your life for your music?" "They are one and the same..."

"Son of a bitch!" "I think what you meant to say was, 'no problem.'"

"Stupid flounders!"

"Nobody's gay for Mole man."

"I have standards... I don't hand out high fives like chicklets."

"You aren't married to Ray!" "Well, if I was, we'd have taller kids!"

"I'd shake your hand, but you're gross so..."

"Well, that's just a big bowl of wrong."

"Look at that business truck's slogan... it says 'not the best, but we're tryin' to be!' That's like saying, 'we get C's, but we are hopeful to get an A one day! Let us work on your house!'"

"My son says you are a manipulative bastard." "Yeah, it's a pet name."
"Here come the reinforcements!"

"Florida?! But, that's America's wang!"

"Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care. Jimmy cracked corn, and I'm not there. We built this city on rock 'n roll...something, something, day."

"Coming up on the clock channel... six o' clock."

"I don't need to study on the weekend!" "It's Wednesday night!" "Kids, kids...you're both right."

"Wow that dog has a long face." "Are you making fun of his long face? You're a...you're a...facist"

"You know what? Wandering Elk, or whatever the fuck your name is!"

"I found this saw with eyes on it." "Oh, that's my see saw."

"I'm not weird, I'm a ninja."

"Oh no, did that hit crazy stairs?"

"You're a towel!" "No... you're a tow--ha, actually, you're right, I was a towel this time."

"Oh Mike, you're breaking my balls, Mike. You're breaking my balls."

"Alright, you are in fact the worst negotiator I have ever seen." "I'll give you that... in exchange for three staples."

"The name Tang is actually not that bad. It's like China, but not... because it's a juice."

"This is the one thing I am the worst in the world at... this and drawing."

"You're a grown man baby!" "Are you calling me a man child?"

"You guys are a lot alike." "Yeah except he's not a magician."

"I thought you would be flatterred!" "Flatterred? I'm fucking nauseous!"

"I happen to have a small phobia about shaking people's hands that have snot all over them. It's a small phobia, but I have it."
"There's something about this middle-aged bald guy that is thrilling!"

"What makes you think I'm peeing on my shoe, while you are learning something?"

(Said to a man): "You pee sitting down? Do you crap standing up?"

"What's the surrogate ettiquette?"

"I would too've!"

"Dim, with a capital D...for Dim."

"Wave goodbye, shoeless!"

"Top 8 of Furby's scares me a lot."

"If I see even one piece of dark meat on there, it's your ASS buddy."

"Take back the bro-bro."

"But you have to admit John Basedow has accomplished a lot without moving his arms out of the flexing position."

"I saw a fish!"

"I can't turn!" "You're turning!" "It's not a good turn!"

"Taryn, you have a very strong hippocampus. In fact, I'd go as far as to say...freakish."

"Wow, we are awesome...we just found a cure for Alzheimers!" HAHA!

"Januscz, we have your best friend on the line..., who... is also named Januscz." Hahaha, seriously....ic.

"Boy, is there anything he hasn't done?"

"This man is crazy...or, he's brilliant."

"Unloved by Al? Nooo!"

"What day is it?" "Saturday, December 6th." "Good, there is still 4 days until Christmas to set things right!"

"Where the H-E-C-K is everybody?"

"Oh, for the love of puppies..."

"Taryn! Stop being such a couch!"

"I don't believe it! He snapped the trap, ate the olive, and left the pit just to mock us!" "I don't think he is sitting somewhere saying to himself, 'haha, I left the pit.'"

"Justin Love..."

"It has capers..." "Shut the fuck up!"

"You have a racist dog! Sheriff is the perfect name for your racist dog!"

"You don't know what's going on? You don't know what's goin on? Let me give you a clue, it starts with J and ends with I..." "...Jedi?..."

"Ay Dios Mio, Han Matado a Kenny!"

"Margaret, it was a dream... get over it.

"Why do I always get blamed for everything?

"I will in no way be an accomplice to your stealing of bakery goods."

"The old-style coke machine just totally won...twice."

"Taryn <3's Hobos."

"It's torture...she's diseased and incredibly boring."

"Oh squishee lady, you've had less than 8 kids haven't you! Haven't you!"

"This keg had dents -- Apoo"

"Taylor, do you want to take a picture with the hat?"

"No. NO. This cannot be all that the "soaker" does. This is the worst option ever! I went through rust juice for this?"
"Crap in a hat."

"Being on the verge of extinction is a bad time to be picky."

"They should just say, 'coke, coke, coke'"..
"Manny, you have a come a long way since I have known you... and I take full credit for that."

" I'll He'll swim backwards."

"I just like throwing you for a loop." "You're a loop." "Well, you're fruit loop."

"We're we looking for this random bag of sand, because if so, I found it."

"You lost me at Rocky British."

"He always wondered why I called him dirty little tonka-tonk."

"Man, if only they knew that they were about to eat a pig-snake."

"Does it work? Ha."

"So... you don't want a piece of my shoe..?"

"It's you... in the house... your contagious, like a virus."

"Tom, I'm standing in South Park, Colorado, where the band Moop has refused to play."

"Look, here is Chewbacca. This does not make sense. If Chewbacca as a defense for saving a man's life does not make sense, then you must acquit."

"If we could choose who we fall in love with, love would be a lot more simple...but far less magical."

"Who's calculator can tell me what 7 x 8 is?" "Oh! Oh! Me! Me! Is it 'low battery?'"

"How does a platypus learn a word like hodge-podge?"

"BECAUSE GREEN BLOWS!"

"Your fake mother's birthday."

"Pixie stix = the poor man's heroin."

"Mom! We are on high alert here. I almost killed you right now! You do not even realize!"

"We could do it together." "Good idea. You do it, and I'll watch."

"You know, paint by numbers? For the little kids that are slow."

"You win this round, Mel."

"Now, it's time to hook you up to the Die-pod."

"Those aren't boobs...they're lies!"

"Suppose she turns off another light... who will she have to share the news with?"

"Philosophy is all about people. I should know, because I am a person."

"That's Serbian-Jew-Double-Bluff, and it ain't gonna work on me, heh, heh, heh."

"May be used as a thyroid room."

"10741 Pig Turd Alley."

"I just don't understand how I can chew something up, have it go through my digestive system, and then reformulate itself back into its original shape when it comes out of me. It blows my mind." (Scott, on the appearance of corn...in the end.)
"It's no fun being high alone."

"This is exactly why you can't touch my markers."

"I was in Garfield, Motherfucker!"

"You may not have realized this, because I was so quiet, but... I was sleeping."

"Have you seen my bag?" "It's on the coffee table." "...Have you seen the coffee table?"

"Do you like it?" "Yes." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "Okay, good, because I wasn't sure you wanted all your shoes to point North."

"Everyone learns from science...it all depends on how you use the knowledge."

"You can really taste the goat!"

"Duff's designated driver rockin' fun zone!" "OOh! That sounds fun!"

"Mad? Mad? Of course I am mad! It's 5:30 pm and Ed Weiner hasn't had his pineapple yet!" (Made even more hilarious since it was spoken in a British accent)

"But, we are walking where the shame was!"

"Don't you know the first law of physics? Nothing that is fun costs less than $8.00."

"Poor Habib, and his body hair...not to mention being hired because of it.

"This is my favorite part. This guy is burning and in pain, and the lady is busy getting on her protective goggles."

"I'm not going to wait for my clothes to dry." "Really? I think your clothes would wait for you to dry."

"You didn't win, Teller! Great job!"

"I could totally see me as a Tony or maybe a Tommy considering our whole family is named those two names."

"I think I just got a sign...the license plate of the car next to me says 'ntrnl MD' which I think means "internal MD." This is a sign I should be a doctor... Of course, the car license plate in front of me means buffalo breath, so that 'being a doctor' sign pretty much couldn't mean a damn thing."

"Will the flood behind me...put out the fire inside me...?"

"I went to her last birthday." "It wasn't her birthday." "Yes, it was! I remember, it was definitely her birthday." "I bet you it wasn't her birthday." "I know for a fact it was her birthday that I went to, so you're on." "Okay, I know it wasn't her birthday you went to, because, Taylor, she is turning ONE."
"You don't appear to have any Chinpokomon."

"Wild Wacky Action Bike: The bike that's hard to ride!"

"Apostrophe's don't work on this site."

"Pennies smell terrible."

"What is a slam-hog, and when will I know one when I see one?"

"Is there a light that goes on somewhere whenever I have food?"

"Yeah, but we don't have contests to see who can stay awake the longest." "Oh really? Ever been to say... medical school?"

"Your taking too long Mr. Mole!"

"I was a cranker, and that was miserable because Corbin turned into super-crazy-hockey-dad."

"Ilooked over at Kathy at one point, and she was literally herding nothing."

"I knew Erik would do it, because he's 20 and has no concept of death."

"I made Michael Boatman my horizon."

"I can't believe that I am in a graveyard, with the kid from Dinotopia...digging up Harrison Ford's grave. It's weird."

"Sounds like....uh...dick."

"It was like super-veiny hockey dad goes to the beach."

"Today it's my forte...tomorrow it's my farte."

"Listen, Hookie Lau, it's not going to happen."

"COOKer as in COOK!"

"With her lack of athletic ability..."

"What do jerk sacks know about song awesomeness?"

"You're just not as sick as me."

"Taryn!! This is the best day of my entire life!!"

"I got smart food all over me."

"I blame everything on the 'effin chicken."

"I didn't realize you and Buck were so close!"

"'Taryn, I just saw a bolt of lightning...and I think it hit our tent!' -Madeline"

(Spelling intentional): "Dear Teren, you are the coolest counciler in the whole world. The camp is fantastic. I wish you were always here with me. Thank you for being nice and keeping me safe. I wish I would never go home. From Nicolas, Sign Nicolas, ** Funtastic."

"Just because I want to wear underwear made out of bras doesn't mean I am a pervert."

"I used to think a vacuum was just a vacuum."

"He's one of the most player-like players."

"The gnome was very slippy!" Hahaha.

"...Exemption face."

"Whatev, Im not going to debate you on what debate is."

"I do hope you keep your 75 vice presidents, and two tellers."

"Why are you here?" "Well, I'm here to..." "No, why are you here on Earth?"

"I like, 'rump shaker', 'gangsta booty', and 'put more ass on that lass'."

"You're scratch that baggin."

"Oh.. pssshhhh...quote board."

"If I see you add one more thing on your quote board, I'm going to go BAM over everything...everything you ever... right."

"How a kid can lose one shoe, and not realize it...I will never know."

"The sight of Chicken George mounting Howie almost made me straight." HAHAHA.

"You make my blood ANGRY!" HAHA. Seriously...so great.

"Maybe it was all the fish chum down my pants..."

"Complex Dr. to the left, Complex St. to the right." (Ha, I still can't believe that.)

"What, are you part of camp bored?"

"He's acting like a WOMAN!"

"I hope you have a cassette player, because Barbie, Christie, and Theresa are ready to ROCK!"

"HOT DAMN! That mosquito just bit my dick!" HAHAHA. Seriously, my god.

"The train... it's HERE!" "Sitting on the dock of the bay..." "Uh.."

"Even Han has gone further with a woman than I have. I am officially jealous of a 7 year old."

"Large scale light installations? What the hell is that?

"Anything else? You want a whole bunch of large canned whores available to you 24/7 too?

"You guys, Kenny's eating his own hand.

STAAAAAN DARRSSSHHHH.

"It's a compound called Riddleout"

"Wow! A free AUTO...(psy...). Ohhh..."

I heart diatoms.

"Hit the bricks!"

"How attached are you to the oxygen tank?" "I need it to breathe..." "Looks like we have a DIVA!" HAHA

"That's not being nice, that's just wearing a nice sweater." "I... don't see the difference."

"It's all the rage in Africa, they put the sheets on the mattress, and then the primate gets between them. There you go, there you go, all tucked in." Hahahahah. Man, oh man, fucking awesome.

"If that doesn't work, pretend you are an elephant!"

"Your flatter is fruised."

"Operation: Dud.

"FUN FOOD FACT!"

Jerry's words to live by... "Time is my Enema."

"Wait he lost his colored horse?"

"Now that you're back from the blow-everything-up-that-can-get-us-off-the-island tour..."

"I'll hit you so hard... I'll kill HIM!"

"You got that? We're out of the Doug-making business altogether!"

"This isn't ketchup.... it's taco sauce! And this isn't mustard... it's LEMON JUICE! Worst hot dog ever."

"Fingerspelling bee champ to the rescue!"

"They're dogs... they're dogs... I know it, they're dogs. Ohhhhh, they're boys, thank God."

"And I thought he was Amish!"

"Your grandmother and I are going to go have old people sex. Thanks JAMMITIN!"

"I was attacked, humiliated and fed misleading gum!

"Get out of my dreams, and out of my car: A guide to your restraining order."

"Meet Joe, last name Spaghetti-O."

"You're in the parking lot across from my church." "Ohh... wait, YOU go to church?"

"So, Jake, is your dad a... big guy?" "He's about 6'4"" "Oh.. great. Great to hear."

"I thought we were watching Seven." "We are..." "No, this is March of the Penguins."

"It's like you wake up... just to tune out."

"This is the tip." "He just said 'the tip', he didn't say, 'of the iceberg'...so he could be talking about anything. Maybe he meant, 'this is the tip of the penis.' Yeah, that's what he meant, 'the tip of the penis.' Way to say that on TV man."

"Uh, you're not, uh, using my dinosaur glass are you?"

"Like a collage of overwhelming beautifully jumbled thoughts."

"Okay... this can no longer be ignored...what the hell are you drinking?"

"What kind of person doesn't get scared when their flight number is 5050?"

"What lazy S.O.B invented the clapper? My dad had a clapper 30 years ago...me."

"Boo now, but you will all be telling that joke tomorrow. You people are sick!"

"But, she is a princess, and I am just a soil relocation engineer!"

"'You will bounce back, Ari Gold!' "I drove to work in an $80,000 mercedes, and I'm driving home in a prop car from the Fast and the Furious. I just don't see it.'"

"How'd it go?" "How'd the fucking bay of pigs go, Lloyd?"

"Taking his TV? Who the fuck are you, a surreal life cast member or what?"

"...with it's rotating shaft.." "...and it's rotating head..." "Haha, a rotating shaft and rotating head? Is this a trimmer, or a penis? What's next... scrotum grips?" HAHAHA.

"...I just said, 'blush you' to a dog."

"I don't need your charity titters!"

"You've been with a real knight now... you can brag." "You... smell like ham."

"She ran from you like a chicken with a bad cough!" "...What the hell does that mean?"

"You guys crossed swords during your threesome... accident?"

"Do I look like I care about fashion? This is from Target. That's all I have."

"Sausage?" "Thanks!" "Good girl."

"She smells like drunk people."

"You can't pause toast."

"You can pause toast."

"Can you pause toast?"

"A woman asking a man out? Well, well why not? And maybe I'll eat my steak with a spoon!"

"Now who might you be? A tabloid? Is that one of those curiously strong mints?"

"You're not gay?" "No way, I won't even eat vegetables over 2 inches long."

" Doctor smarty pants 101: 43?...Yes I will marry you?...Boston?..." Ha, wow.

"If I hadn't just been sitting in it, I'd say you lost your mind."

"Clev-her."

"It landed on my wanker. My wanker is the key!"

"Does he drive a breezer?"

"Betty had a way with the dead... a deadside manner if you will."

"I don't have anything else to say. In fact, I am completely flummoxed."

"You don't want to sleep in the bed with me? Worried about my night sweats? Haha, just kidding! Those ended weeks ago."

"This is where I felt it for the first time... the universe was cocking the 'fuck with me' gun."

"The polls start after dinner... at 3pm."

"I can't find it." "You can't find what?" "Blue. Red's taking it over." "Red got blue?" "Red's attacking all the colors, we have to stop it." "We do?" "Yellow's next, it doesn't stand a chance. Poor yellow..." "I'm going to call the color police... hello? I'd like to report a color crime in progress. I'm on hold."
(Overheard from two guys walking out of a public restroom):"Dude, why do you always go pee in a stall?" "Because, I'm used to it. What do you have in your house? A urinal? No."

"The dildo was widely popular in Greece and Rome. Look, she's growing her own!"

"Give me a break Taryn... my balloon just died."

"If he died, I would have known about it, since I am his sister." "Taryn, if he died, I would've known about it because I'm him."

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." - Norman MacFinan

"You were my greatest achievement and my worst defeat."

"You are really good with people." "Well... they are my species."

"I love you. I love you." "Oh Harold, that's wonderful. Now, go and love some more."

"Sup dog, I heard you like cars, so we put a car in your car so you can drive while you drive."

"You spend so much time focusing on what you're running from that you forget what you're running toward."

"It's amazing the fetishes that are out there nowadays. I mean if you're into fucking doorknobs, there are 800 people who enjoy fucking doorknobs on the Internet too. It's great."

"You know what they say about prostitutes? You really have to hand it to them. Ohhh!"

"Why would I suddenly be Jewish?"

"I'm Clive Owen! That's mental!"

"I've done it with a girl... Intercourse-wise."

"This guy hires way too many irresponsible bad guys."

"You know where the first grandpa was? It's like a grandpa passing a grandpa."

"I'm leaving too. I'll send for my ant farm."

"Nothing could be clearer to me that he didn't do the sill."

"Hey! Pull over! You're not the driver!" "Shut up pizzas, I got a delivery to make!"

"Nobody pajaminates my skin!!"

"Were you thinking of 'Jump'?!"

"Cool kids... they belong together."

"Thank you more than life."

"Hold on, let me make a balloon to show you how I feel." "Uh..."

"Oh my god, I am going to die of barfness."

"You're wheeling away from me?"

"I'm going to have to use a distinct pattern now, they got used to the figure 8."

"Abort the fetal position, it's not working!"

"I'm not having the fun you promised me!"

"I'm in over my head!" "Don't tell me that!!" "I'm in over my head!"

"You hear that? It sounds like Creed! I never thought I'd be happy to hear anything that sounds like Creed!" HAHAHA.

"These banana trees! Grrrr! Yielding their delicious bananas!"

"You are apples, and I am tangerines. Different fruit, from the same tree."

"Because gift baskets are amazing, Phyllis."

"Okay, you know what, your enthusiasm is turning people off."

"It was horrible. A giant leech got me."

"Do you ever have deja vu?" "Didn't you just ask me that?"

"Florists love flowers."

"I know how to fix this... pine cone bird feeder."

"Time is a thief... don't leave the door open." "So true. So unbelievably tru--wait, WTF?"

"His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean. And, you're the best thing that he's ever seen."

"You know, I just realized how much you like me." "Yeah, you're probably tuning into my brain waves or something." "No, I felt it on my leg.." Ha.

"What is a Jim?"

"I did so well last February that corporate gave me two plaques in lieu of a pay raise."

"Josh counted on his fingers everyone who voted James back and I wasn't on the "voted back" hand!"

"'I'm just getting a text from my husband asking if he should wear dark or light boots.' 'Tell him he's in the midst of a deep homosexual panic, and to go with his instincts.'"

"Jason, before I say something I'll regret but enjoy..."

"'Speaking of latter years...' 'Fuck off, E!'"

"'Remember me, Ari?' 'One doesn't forget their first love, E.'"

"Conversations usually end when one person calls the other person a douchebag."

"We just used so many metaphors, I forgot what we were talking about."

"Two for joy, please." "Right this way..."

"Same team, Dwight."

"He's invisible. That's what's the matter with him!

"And remember, he'll leave tracks... even if he himself is invisible."

"We just got swacked!" "What does that mean?" "I think it means we had sex but we didn't even know it."

"One of these guys just called me, 'sport.' I'm getting the fuck out of here."

"Meanwhile, I'll say goodbye and thank you for allowing us to share a few inches of your space for a little while. It's been a slice."

"Don't pour the gravy before the train is built!"