Hessian Deluxe

Does not "suffer fools gladly". Mad, bad, and dangerous to know. Not like anyone you have ever known before, and not like anyone you will ever know after or again. A romantic spirit made real, yet forever surreal. Knowing him will change you. For better? For worse? It's up to you to decide if you want to go further. I won't be held responsible for what may happen or how you react to knowing the one last true individual left in this world of brainwashed, generic idiots and morons. Physically, I'm just your average, everyday, Dutch Irish Choctaw Jew Christian. Phi Beta Kappa, summa cum laude graduate, Mensa guy, and all that I have learned for certain is how profoundly ignorant I am, yet how far I am beyond the people I encounter in my daily life. The more I study, the less I know, and the more aware I am of my own limitations. A true dilettante. A poor excuse for a writer (unless you consider hypergraphia a good thing). The last true romantic in a weary, wary world. Romance is the religion of love. Sex is overrated, real love is divine. Innocent, naive, and sensitive, but still big and mean enough when angered to do serious damage to anyone unwise enough to wake the sleeping sidewalk psychotic that lurks within. I have never been able to adequately explain how complex an individual I am. There's a look in my eyes, like black holes in the sky. I wore out my welcome with random precision. I am everything and nothing at the same time. I have form, but I'm totally empty. I may appear normal, but there's nothing real inside. I see myself reflected everywhere, but I don't exist. I am no age and every age. Time is an allusion. I have transcended time and age to an unknown frame of reference. I was born an old, wise soul, then proceeded to grow young and stupid as the years passed. Comfortable at a cotillion, in a biker bar, or anywhere between. A graduate of two colleges, and one university. I've worked as a bouncer, a musician, a professor, an engineer, a scholar, and an author, but I still haven't found anything that I'm really good at except wasting time and lounging around. I'm still trying to learn what is valid and what is not. Prone to exagerated mood swings and an almost pathological desire for tension and self-sabotage. Vulnerability and insecurity beneath a facade of impenetrability. An almost vampiric thirst for other's energies. We don't see things as they are, but we do see things as we are. Reality is an illusion that we all share, and we each interpret and see it however we please. Everyone sees what they want to see and gets what they really want to get out of their lives. Everything I have ever done, said, or written has been misunderstood and misinterpreted, especially by those I most cared about. I am now resigned to my own failure as a human being. I am too miserable and irritating an individual to be anyone's friend for long. Every friend I have ever known has eventually left me in anger and frustration, or fear and loathing, including one ex-wife and three children. I now accept that no one can ever really know anyone. Life is pain, suffering, and death. Nothing means anything, and it also means everything. I'm basically sick of it all. I have rejected home, marriage, sexuality, and responsibility in favor of a search for meaning beyond the confines of relationships or society. I don't care about anything of or in this world, I only care about that which is outside, or not obvious within, the "everyday world" that we live in. There's something more, something hidden, and I want to experience it. I reject "reality", and seek the essence of core experience, what's behind and inside what we think we see and know. I already know that's an illusion. I want to shed this fake world like a snake sheds its skin, and be swallowed by the Infinite. I want to free myself of "things". It's easier than you think.