i've been on here too long to say i'm new. My name is unimportant, what u do need to know is i was born in a small fishing village just outside omaha, there i was raised by my mother along with 3 other siblings and several fathers. I was trained in the art of carnival barking and was guessing peoples weight by the time i was 6. At the age of 7 i had out grown the midwest and "hustled" rides to the pacific northwest where i was able to land tender on a fishing boat called the "wicked sea snatch", captained and crewed by the able bodied, tre wicked and his family of "lost boys". It was alot like peter pan except alot more rough sex. After smuggling imigrants from china for a few years, life on the sea became a bit boring, so off i went to bangkok to explore the underground world of teddy bear making. I learned all there was to know about those bears, from the cheap stuffing, and rat fur to the easily removable button eyes. I Spent many a night in a sweaty factory telling tales of the high seas and still for some reason guessing peoples weight. Those bears became my only true friends, and one special bear, "mr softgut" and i, would talk about getting out of the "biz" and settling down and starting our own knockoff beenie baby ranch. Then came that fateful day when i found mr. softgut shacked up with my boss, the evil mr. hanuki. I ran as far as i could, never turning back, when , as luck would have it latched on to a band of gypsys who mended hot air ballons using silks from past robberies. It was fun for awhile, then after all the deaths, (fyi- hot air blows right through silk) and investigations i realized, my true calling, and left my clan, as a man.
i sold myself to a mariachi band and realized my love for singing, whether it was the chant happy monks in malaysia or the moaning crooners of chuacha mexico, i couldnt stop, singing was in my blood. So after noticing a readers digest i found one morning on a floor in a rest stop bathroom. I read about this wonderful, truely magical place, filled with hope and joy, the kinda place where a singer like me, could catch a break. That place, well that place my friend went by the name of scranton pennsylvania. as quick as i could i sold any body fluid that i could manifest, just for enough money to make the move. it took 6 gruelling months of plama and semen harvesting till i raised the funds. Might i add that concoction is now called "plasmen". So i moved to this "scranton" looking to catch my big break, well, it never happened, as it seems, i forgot to read the date on that readers digest, june 1st 1939. what the fuck i stayed. I met up with some guys in the summer of 95 and the band bliss was concieved of sin and money. And for the past 10 years i've been happier than ever, no offense mr. softgut. So now i live in clarks summit, have my own business, and sing and drink to my hearts content. Anything else just ask. Not the weight though, thats just a part of my life i want to forget. oh yeah i hate fake people and i love animals! not like LOVE LOVE but like love em, they're awesome. :-)
You're An Alcoholic
Time to go back to step one.
What Kind of Drunk Are You?
