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I'd like to meet:

Dear Friend,

Have you been abused by a birth-parent, sibling, or other relative, and has this abuse continued into your adulthood? Have you been controlled, manipulated, criticized, insulted, humiliated, betrayed, or abandoned by someone you loved? Have you been called names, screamed at, shouted at, or ordered around? Do you have a relative who intrudes and pries into your life and tells you what to do? Do you have a one-way relationship, with you doing all of the giving and none of the receiving? Are unreasonable demands or expectations placed upon you? Does your birth-family expect unquestioned obedience, even though you are now an adult?

Have you been threatened with being disowned, cut out of the family or out of the will? Have you been lied to, lied about, gossiped about, cheated, or even stolen from by a family member? Have you been sabotaged, undermined, disrespected, demeaned, degraded, or the target of jealousy or envy from a parent or sibling? Have you been asked or pressured to lie, cover up, keep family secrets or do anything else you are uncomfortable with? Are you always taking care of others at your expense, while your needs are constantly ignored? Have your husband, wife, or children been hurt by or witnessed abuse from your relatives?

Have you tried to set boundaries with your relative, only to have him refuse to accept responsibility, deny, blame you, or escalate his abuse? Have you felt it necessary to limit or avoid contact with this person in order to protect yourself, your wife, your husband, or your children? Were you put in the difficult position of having to confront a sick or elderly relative? When you began standing up for yourself, did your family member stop speaking to you rather than stop abusing you?

Have you been criticized, judged, betrayed, or abandoned by other family members for finally standing up for yourself? Do other relatives justify, rationalize, or even defend the abuser's behavior? Did these same people tolerate and accept the abuser's behavior, standing by silently while you were victimized, possibly for many years, and now the only disapproval they have ever voiced is aimed at you, for trying to protect yourself?

Sisters and Brothers, for those of us who have been raised in this kind of family, surrounded by abusive relatives and their enablers our whole lives, this combination circus / horror show atmosphere can seem almost normal. Yet when we read these words in black and white, we are shocked by how bad it actually sounds. Those who have normal, loving families find it difficult to understand the distress, anxiety, and heartache we have lived with.

At first I did not understand the reasons why I lived through 47 years of control, abuse, and neglect by my birth-family, only to be cut off entirely when, in an effort to protect myself from the serious stress-related health problems I was developing, I finally started to set some limits. The pain of knowing they did not care about how their behavior was affecting me, and the anger and grief of their abandonment, after all I had done for them, was very traumatic.
But in Romans 8:28, we are told, 'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.' It has taken me several years to begin to understand the depth of the meaning of that scripture in my life. At first, I only noticed how much better my life truly was without my abusive relatives. I felt relief at not having to deal with evil people all the time. I began to feel peace in my heart, and joy at my new-found freedom.

But, more importantly, my relationship with our Father grew greatly. When I was no longer in bondage to people I thought I needed to have in my life, I was able to appreciate and seek a much deeper relationship with the Lord. I have learned to tell him what is in my heart and to lean on him, and he has always gotten me through and never let me down. He has been with me every minute of my life, even when I didn't know it. His vast love for his children is beyond our ability to comprehend.

I want to assure you that you are not alone,and no matter what happens in your relationships with your birth-family members, you will never be without a family. You are a beloved sister or brother in the family of God. You have the most wonderful parent there ever was, the only parent you will ever need. 'And do not call anyone on earth 'father', for you have one Father, and he is in heaven.'(Matthew 23:9NIV) You are his child, his treasured daughter or his cherished son, and he loves you! He will cherish you, protect you, comfort you, forgive you, teach you, and care for you. He knows what you need before you ask him (Matthew 6:8). He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deut.31:6, Joshua 1:5). He will provide for your every need.

He has sent his beloved Son, Jesus, to teach you his Word, to save you by his precious blood, and to open the gates of heaven for you, so that you will spend eternity with him in glory! Jesus is our King and Lord, but he is also your brother (Mark 3:35, Matthew 12:50) and your friend (John 15:14-16). By the grace of the Lord Jesus will you stand, no matter what comes against you (Hebrews 13:5-6)! You do not even have to worry about how to defend yourself, or what to say, for the Holy Spirit will give you the words you need at the right time (Luke 12:11-12).

Our God is faithful and his grace is sufficient for all our needs! Praise his holy name! My prayer for you is that you will come to know your real Father in a deep and meaningful way, and that he will abundantly bless your life with the peace, joy, and love that only he can provide. GLORY TO GOD!