Josh

my life story Current mood: okay Category: Life First off, the names used in this are fake..Well growing up as a kid my parents were alcoholics, my father was abusive towards my mother. You know it's not nice to see someone hit your mother..especially on the weekends, he would come home from the pub or whatever and it would be on. My sister and i would always try and stay at a friends house on the weekends so we didn't have to see it. I have a brother also, he is mentally disabled, so it was hard growing up with that too..So it there was contant arguments in the household. Me being the only male other than my dad i couldn't just run into my room and to avoid it. I had to stop him, so i would be out there trying to stop him all night.13 years of age, two friends and i went to the carnival that comes to town once a year. I was looking around for stuff to buy. And i seen bongs, and i thought hmm, i'm getting one. I knew what i was going to do with it too. Then my friends are like we want one too. But they didn't have enough money, so i lent them both money and we all got one each. (7 years later they still aint payed me back LOL)So the next day we went to the skatepark and were smoking tobacco in them. (EWWW LOL) I think the next weekend James and i got our first bag of pot, we didn't even chop it up or nothing just put buds in the cone peice. Had 6 bongs each. At the bmx track on our push bikes, i went over a jump and it felt like the whole world stopped and i was frozen in the air, but it was reality and i landed, CRASH! But it was all good because i was stoned. The sad thing is i introduced about 5 of my friends to drugs now i don't take any and they are addicted, because of me. Nah they probably would have taken them eventually.. So from then on we smoked every weekend. Then it started going to some days after school, untill eventually it was daily. You know smoked daily for three years. Then it was like hmm, need something else now. So i went to George's house and he is like straight up you want some pills Joshy? I'm staring at them like wow, the first time i saw ecstacy. White mitsubishi. So i got three pills for a hundred dollars. Took one straight away. Sitting in the chair waiting, you know didn't know what it was gonna feel like. Two hours later nothing is happening. So i'm like give me the other two pills. Goerge is like nah you will die (cause i'm only small) and i'm like well nothing is happening. So i got them took another one. 30 mins later it started. It was the most incredible thing i have ever felt. The most fun i have ever had in my life. But remember i took two and i didn't drink any fluids for four hours. I was sitting on the chair shaking, my jaw was trembling flatout, Sarah said to George he don't look right is he gonna be ok? I'm like i just want a glass water. Then i was ok, but i was lucky. So the high wore off and i went to another friends house. Got a bag of pot and talked about the last four hours. Then i started taking pills every weekend for like three months. And i thought i can't keep doing this man. So i started drinking instead.(you know i was taking drugs for 3 years and to this day my parents never knew. So All you parents check your kids)At age 15 i got sick of the shit at home so i packed my shit and left, you know stayed here and there. I was actually planning to commit suicide because i wasn't happy in life. One night i messed up, got arrested, locked up overnight. The cell walls were like tiles. So i took My shoes and socks of so my feet would grip to the wall. Climbed up and tryed to rip the camera off. LOL The didn't like that, they came in stripped me naked and threw me into a more isolated cell. Left me there for like 4 hours with another camera looking at me. I was in shock for days after that. But whatever i got over it.. Around this time i met Rebbeca through her daughter. She was 17 years my senior. She took me in at that time of my life. And i loved her. I had her back, you hurt her then you hurt me. She invited me to church with her, i'm thinking anything i can do to spend time with her i am going to do it. So that is when i started going to church and started to get interested about Christ. So Rebecca got back with her husband and meanwhile i am still drinking and doing bad things. Some of the things i did to her and her family are bad. Eventually she got sick of my shit and said she don't want to talk anymore. That really hurt because she was my best friend. But i can't blame her because i done bad things to her. So yeah, Rebecca stopped going to church while i continued to go. Christ had plans for my life. Around that time i got my own apartment at 17 and i was ecstatic about that. No more of my dad's alcoholic fits. But i felt bad for my mother still living with him. So i stopped drinking and followed Christ. Got a job and was sober 5 months. Things were good. But at work one day i whom did i see but Rebecca. I had not dealt with the feelings i had her i just buried them. So i was thinking about her after that. Finished work. Next thing i know i am drinking again. And still can't stop to this day..But i will get there eventually. I know i keep sayng this but i am going to move to the city and start a new life,find a church and make some christian friends. I tried to make friends with the youth here at church, but it didn't work. So yeah right now my life is a piece of shit, i'm drinking 5 days a week, still hanging around the same friends, they still taking drugs. I still think about suicide sometimes but don't worry Christ won't let me act upon those feelings.Damn this took me so long to write...LOLSo yeah there is alot of things i did not put in i suppose, but hey i can't go into every detail..