Picture it...1976. A beautiful sunny spring day in the little town of Steubenville Ohio. The light breeze blows through the quiet town and lightly kisses the flower petals. A newborn takes his first breath and cries out for the first time for all to hear...... How breathtaking.
That was not me of course but doesn't that make a pretty picture?
I was born in the back of the Flamingo Lounge on the Sunset Strip in Los Angeles where my Father was a dish washer and my Mom was a Waitress. The smell of puke and stale cigarettes are all that remained that early morning. Ahhhh....the memories.
When I turned 8 years old I got kicked out of elementary school for playing Doctor to the principals little girl...Thats right...I was a REBEL! No one was going to tell ME it was nap time! I had AMBITIONS! I ran away from school one day on the playground and decided to walk downtown a little. Thats where I saw it!!! A 1984 Kramer Baretta in the window of the local music store. My life was over.
I worked for YEARS trying to make enough money to buy that guitar. I made the most money at the age of 15 in a factory that made the little red plastic flags for mailboxes. Once I realized my dream was to be a ROCK GOD, I decided to leave. Actually I was fired for giving the bosses wife a Gynecological check up.......but I digress.
Finally at the age of 16 I could afford that Kramer Baretta. When I went to buy it of course they were sold out....BUMMER! I settled for a really nice Kramer guitar with a set of lips painted on it. I figured that I liked lips so what the hell! Kramer guitars to this DAY are still my passion...
Within 2 weeks of picking up that guitar I started giving advanced guitar lessons during the day and checking out the bands on the strip at night. OH YEAH....THATS what I wanted to do! I gave lessons after all to Rhoads and Lynch!!! Not Randy and George...they were Bill and Steve actually... I got tired of giving lessons so I quit. Actually I got fired for giving "Checkups" in the building after hours. Apparently that is frowned upon....again...I digress.
After being the session guitar player for many songs that are well known I decided to rest on the money I made. After all I did the pick scrapes in the beginning of Talk Dirty To Me from Poison and the Whammy dive at the end of Get The Funk Out from Extreme! I had hundreds of dollars!!! I was known the world...I mean town over!
After realizing that the only thing I was good at and could do for real apparently was "give checkups" and my style of music was dwindling, I decided to get a degree in medicine and be a Gynecologist. So I did! In only 3 weeks I got a degree from Crackerjack University and practiced medicine at the Peter Draggin Wellness Center in downtown LA. My practice was HUGE and continued well into the new millennium.
Just recently I was giving an exam to a VERY famous patient (I like to keep their anonymity but lets just say her initials are MADONNA!!!!!!!) i was told about a band in the Ohio Valley that were trying to revive the music I love and LIVE for! I caught the next flight where Dino Valentino (drums)and Dixie Normous (vocals) were waiting with a stethoscope and a shot of jack. It was then that I truly realized my calling! No not making the red flags for mail boxes....ROCK!!!!!!!
Their next night at their show they called me up on stage and made me drink out of some kind of Goblet Of Rock or whatever they called it. I don't remember the rest. All I remember is waking up in the alley with a bad itch and a little bleeding from parts that shouldn't. They must have put someting GOOD in that thing!!!!
The rest is history. I have found my true calling and will for the rest of my LIFE (or as long as you want to come see me) I will be the lead guitar player for the BEST 80'S HARD ROCK BAND EVER....
TONGUE N CHEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Â
