I'd like to meet:
When it comes to believing in God, I really tried.
I really, really tried.
I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in his own image and likeness, loves us very much and keeps a close eye on things.
I really tried to believe that.
Though, I do have to tell you, the longer you live and the more you look around, the more you realize that something is fucked up!
Something is wrong here!
War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption and the ice capades!
Something is definitely wrong.
This is not good work.
If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed.
Results like these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being.
This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude.
Just between you and me, in any decently run universe, this Guy would have been out on his all powerful ass a long time ago.
By the way, I say, 'this Guy,' because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God it has to be a man.
No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this.
So, if..., IF there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit!
Which, I admire in a person and which would explain a lot of these bad results.
So, rather than just being another one of these mindless, religious robots, blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky, incompetent fatherfigure who doesn't give a shit, I decided, to look around for something else to worship.
Something I could really count on, and immediately, I thought of the Sun.
Happened like that, overnight, I became a Sun worshiper.
Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night, but first thing the next morning, I became a Sun worshiper.
Several reasons.
First of all, I can see the Sun, okay?
Ha ha ha.
Yeah, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the Sun.
I'm big on that.
If I can see something, I don't know, it kind of helps the creditability along, you know?
So, everyday I can see the Sun as it gives me everything I need; heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake and an occasional skin cancer.
But, hey, at least there are no crusifications and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us.
Sun worship is fairly simple; there's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn and we don't have a specialbuilding where we all gather once a week to compare clothing.
The best thing about the Sun is that it never tells me I'm unworthy and doesn't tell me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved.
Hasn't said an unkind word.
Treats me fine.
So... I worship the Sun, but, I don't pray to the Sun.
Know, why?
I wouldn't presume on our friendship.
It's not polite.
I often thought people treat God rather rudely, don't you?
Trillions and trillions of prayers everyday; asking and pleading and begging for favors.
Do this; give me that; I need a new car; I want a better job.
And most of this praying takes place on Sunday, His day off.
It’s not nice and it’s no way to treat a friend.
But, people do pray and they pray for a lot of different things.
You know?
Your sister needs an operation on her crotch
Your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall.
But, most of all, you’d really like to fuck that hot, little red-head down at the convience store.
You know, the one with the eye patch and the club foot?
Can you pray for that?
I think you’d have to.
And I say, fine.
Pray for anything you want.
Pray for anything, but what about the Devine Plan?
Remember that?
The Devine Plan?
A long time ago, God made a Devine Plan.
Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan and put it into practice.
And, for billions and billions of years the Devine Plan has been doing just fine.
Now, you come along and pray for something.
Well, suppose the thing you want is not in God’s Devine Plan?
What do you want Him to do?
Change His plan?
Just for you?
Doesn’t it seem a little arrogant?
It’s a Devine Plan.
What’s the use of being God if every rundown schmuck with a $2 prayer book can come along and fuck up your plan?
And, here’s something else, another problem you might have, suppose your prayers aren’t answered?
Then what do you say?
‘Well, it’s God’s will.
Thy will be done.’
Fine.
But, if it’s God’s will and He’s going to do what he wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place?
Seems like a big waste of time to me.
Couldn’t you just skip the praying part and go to His will?
It’s all very confusing.
So, to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the Sun.
