About Me
A picture really is worth a thousand words and I hope my page can paint that picture by giving you a glimpse about me. To get the full extent of it though, Tom may need to enhance the next feature of MySpace to allow a 3D picture although some of my friends would say it’s more like 3D puzzle….
Have you ever watched a humming bird? Darting so quickly from one taste to another that you question whether that brief moment that you may of missed merely by blinking was really enough to satisfy it or long enough for it to enjoy itself? You wonder where it gets the energy to constantly go while never stopping for what seems to be long enough to rest or fulfill anything. Just watching it may exhaust you, let alone imagine being it… but guess what?...I am that hummingbird. I am constantly going, driven by determination to always finish what I start. People looking in from the outside rarely understand and question how I do it or assume that I may be unhappy in the process all while missing those moments of enjoyment when I do stop and take a breath and enjoy not only what I may of just accomplished but everything around me….they must of blinked. I am often misunderstood and it is usually when my actions are in the purest form. I am spontaneous and fun, but like to have my life in order and on a schedule. Times, I have caught myself compromising this and even started questioning myself. I’ll be the first to admit, it can get hectic! Trying to schedule it all sometimes makes me question my own sanity but in the end, for me, its who I am and makes me happy. Life is about making compromises and you will make many as you go through not only for yourself but for everyone around you, it’s part of caring and being selfless but never compromise yourself ...you are all you’ve got. Not many people can say that when they are relaxing that they really are relaxing...usually there is a mini Things to Do list running through their head that never fully allows them to relax. The reward of being that hummingbird eliminates that for me and truly allows me to cherish those times and the people I share them with...my favorite of course, being my beautiful son and number one priority, D’ante.
My son is my life and being between Oregon and Tennessee now (we moved from CA) without the “sun†giving me a reason to roll out of bed each morning, my own “son†does and always with a smile...well for me anyways as he is definitely not a morning person...but as with any guy, food lures him out of his room eventually. Sometimes it is so scary watching him grow so quickly into a little man. Whether it’s homework that comes home that even stumps me or just things he says and does, it keeps me on my toes, constantly striving to be the one that will always have answers and lead him in the right direction. This year I would have to say is the most exciting so far though because we wear the same size practically!! Cracks me up…I keep teasing him that it’s a good thing pink is the new fad for men but then again on the flip side, he then expects me to strut around in a Transformers shirt. See, there’s always challenges somewhere….
I am a dedicated and loyal friend who loves adventure, especially when it involves a good workout. Call me a gym rat while my friends joke that my man, “Gym†better appreciate that he sees me more than they do...lol. My friends are not only a huge part of my life but a huge part of who I am. I am constantly learning how to let people in and that it is okay to not always be strong, not always be the warrior and okay to put up that flag and surrender every now and then. Some people that have yet to learn this may see it as giving up when really it is a matter of opening up your heart and holding hands with other heart holders. There is a reason people refer to the heart as broken or at times, resembling 2 pieces…your heart is made to share. Yes, it may break every now and then but in the end, will beat just the same. There are few that truly fall in this category but they know who they are and it is these friends, the people that really love you that will always tell you the truth, even if hurts because they know that you deserve nothing less. By no means am I perfect and lucky for me, it’s friends like mine that I can be so thankful for that will not hesitate to call me out on my mistakes and flaws that we tend to not always see in ourselves. Like everyone, I have made mistakes and I have learned from them. If you can’t say that you have learned anything, then nothing has been achieved. Believe it or not, I am also thankful when someone is able to provoke a reaction out of me and even grateful for the irritations of what they may have said that comes with it. It just means that there is more that needs understanding and healing and that is exactly what friends are for. Are the pieces coming together…are you starting to see why they call me a puzzle ??
Last but not least, what would a girls MySpace “About Me†be without her outlook on love? For me, love is not only something I feel, but something I do. Chances are you will know it before I say it as I strongly believe that actions speak louder than words. I am definitely a doer and don’t ever do for people because I want something in return. Instead, I do it because I enjoy it all while never expecting anything more than that persons happiness and the smile that follows in exchange. That in itself is the best return. When I care about something or someone....I care A LOT and tend to focus more on that person than myself sometimes. Some may see strength in that while others see it as a flaw. I strive to always make things better, sometimes trying to fix things that are not in my control to fix but always with the best of intentions. I’m slowly realizing however, that you need to just stop and remember that you can only be responsible for the decisions you make and that you do what you can and that just has to be good enough. This last year, I’ve learned that walls get you nowhere…we all tend to put them up to protect ourselves but that’s just it, they only protect ourselves… while ours are up, it could be the cause of someone else’s crumbling. I’ve learned not to be afraid to love and that giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back so rather than expect it in return, you can wait and of course hope for it to grow in their heart but if it does not, just be content that it grew in yours. I truly believe people come into our lives not only for reasons, but seasons and despite the hurt and unanswered “Why’sâ€... we experience something from all of them that in the end, is only positive. One may cause feelings to surface from a past that you really thought was just that, “the past†that you never imagined existed only to end in heartache and broken promises while the next may surpass those feelings with even stronger emotions, healing you from the last season as you re-experience what you questioned yourself of ever being capable of feeling again. I can look at these experiences through the good and bad and be thankful for each one that has only helped me see more inside myself, my capabilities and test my limits as a blessing that reminds me of who I am as I learn more about myself everyday. These self-taught lessons have opened my eyes to not only how much I deserve but how much I have to give in return. Some of it unexplainable? Yes…Taken by surprise? Yes, but in the end…absolutely no regrets. Just like we have no control over who our hearts decide to care for, we do not have the advantage of time machines to ensure that time is on our side either. I am just thankful for all the seasons that have come, passed and continue to stick with me as I continue to absorb everything I can from each one, learning more every time. I have been guilty one too many times of looking for answers where there may be none and hesitant to realize that when one door closes, another opens as I stood too long at the closed door, possibly missing the ones that may of opened. So as far as this puzzle goes…am I looking for someone to complete me? No….you have to be complete with who you are first and those who join me and want to come along for the ride…well, they are the additional pieces to the puzzle and when it all comes down to it, we all fit together pretty damn well! I have been told I am easy to fall in love with…so come on, miss that last stair, fall, trip ....something! Where is that banana peel when you need it? J/K! I could be the typical girl that swears they are looking for Mr. Perfect but really, where would that get me? Nowhere….it doesn’t take long to realize that it is time to stop looking for Mr. Perfect and that yours will be the one that brings out the best in you as they say soul mates always do. The imperfections in each of you will be exactly what make you perfect for each other. I’ve decided to stop looking for the right one and just be her...
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I AM ME... <>I am a mother, daughter, sister and a friend
I am a young woman and a grown woman
I am a leader and a follower
I am confident and scared
Terrified and excited
I am loving, caring, thoughtful and hopeful
I am sick and tired
Shy and friendly
I am careful and careless
Broken and whole
I am misunderstood, misguided and mislead
I am hardworking and determined…but a little scared on the inside
I wish on stars and dream my dreams
I pray to God and cry my tears
I smile on the outside while I am dying on the inside
I listen to others without being listened to
I walk on eggshells and I walk on fire
I believe in passion and true love
I love someone yet push them away
I want them near but not too close
I am everything and nothing all at once
I do not wish to be everything to everyone
Just something to someone…
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