mum, may you finally rest in peace. i dont really understand it, and i doubt i ever will. i miss your hugs, i miss your kisses, i miss the way you use to make vegemite sandwhiches for me from birth until now and noone could ever make them better, i miss the way you knew when something was wrong, i miss you yelling at me for having a messy room, i miss you picking me up from school, i miss you knowing when im about to do something wrong, i miss going shopping with you, i miss having lunch with you, i miss christmas shopping with you, i miss putting up the christmas tree with you, i miss organising christmas day with you, i miss the shopping trips we'd go on with lisa and annalise, i miss your smile, i miss you saying dont worry about your father his just stressed, i miss how me and adam youse to tease you and say you wore your everyday clothes every day, i miss your bad ears and how you'd always be lying on the couch with ear drops in, i miss you falling asleep as soon as you'd lie on the couch to watch a movie with dad and me on a friday night, i miss your dinners, i miss your chips, i miss your sense of humour, i miss you more then anyone could comprehend - i could honestly take losing anyone but you, i miss hearing your voice, i miss how you never let me stay home from school, i miss you telling me id wreck my nails if i kept getting acrylics, i miss days out with me you vouina and melissa, i miss your really nice birthday messages in the card, i miss you saying that ryan is a ratbag haha, i miss you sneaking through my stuff and then pretending you did nothing, i miss how you knew just what to say when i was sad to make me smile again, i miss your hugs i know ive said it already but i miss them so much what i wouldnt give for one more, i miss every second i ever spent with you, i miss your eyes, i miss your shaky hands when you were nervous, i miss how you'd laugh and say ill look okay once i have my control underware on hahaha, i miss how you'd never wear make up from day to day but still look absolutly stunning, i miss how you loved wearing lipstick, i miss how you always had pretty bags, i miss how you wanted to go to switzerland to see these pretty mountains and once we went you said oh no must have been sweeden, i miss you talking in maso about asians, i miss how you thought everything and everyone was dirty haha, i miss how you just wanted clear nail polish, i miss the random lumps you had on your head, i miss your hands with the round nails, i miss your dry feet, i miss your nail mark on your left shoulder, i miss your gay glasses you needed for reading but never wore, but most of all i miss your love - and the fact that i know ill never have it again. i hate you not being here. i hate living with out you. i hate that ive gotten use to it. i hate that your not gonna be there when i get married. i hate that my kids arent gonna get to meet baba donka. i hate what george has become without you. i hate having to grow up alone. i hate, i hate being on this planet, coz i cant really live is living is without you..