Te Amo Manny

Where Do I Start??? I used to think that life was about treating people the way you want to be treated. I used to think that you are supposed to love whole-heartedly. I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE WRONG IN MY WHOLE LIFE. Most people know me as outgoing, fun, loud, funny, care-free, and happy-go-lucky, but deep down inside i hurt very badly. See, the problem with me is that I have very strong morals and when I fall in love I fall hard. When I love someone, I tell them, and I do things for them to show them how much I care because I honestly believe that actions speak louder than words. I made a big mistake about 5 months ago and that was letting someone who hurt me before come back into my life. The mistake was not letting him back in, but rather letting myself fall back in love with him. I stopped my life for him because he made everything sound so good...I love you...I want to be with you everyday and wake up every morning looking in your eyes...I don't know what I would do without you...you know, the cliche bullshit that catches our hearts and makes us fall even deeper in love. I fucked up real bad this time. I not only took him in, but I took his kids in too. I became accustomed to having his son every weekend and playing step-mom. I became accustomed to giving baths, changing diapers, rocking him to sleep, and really accustomed to having him attatched to me. I've never been able o figure out why in most cases women are the ones with the broken hearts and the men are the ones smiling with the new girl" sitting pretty on their right arm. I guess part of it is because women tend to care more than men in the first place. I mean think about it...when a house is disorganized, who is the one to say something about it most of the time? The woman right? Or who gets more excited when a woman becomes pregnant on most occasions? The woman right? Or how about important dates, like anniversaries, birthdays, and first time dates? Women right? I don't know why you cold-hearted men do this to us but I wish you knew how bad it really hurts. I'd rather be told the truth and hurt for 5 minutes than be lied to and hurt for months to come. I'd rather be told the truth and not be lead on to believe something else so I can go my own seperate way instead of altering what I am doing to make it work for the 2 of us rather than just myself. The one thing I can say more than anything else is that one day I will love again, I'm not going to let someone elses mistakes hold my life back from being completely fulfilled, it's just going to take me some more time to gain trust and more time for me to fall in love. I refuse to let one persons stupidity be my problem.The 2 lessons I have learned through this experience is 1. not everyone is going to treat you the way you should be treated, so use caution with who you deal with, be VERY PICKY...and 2. Don't show love until love is shown, and even then stay distanced. I have a 3rd rule as well...3. PUT YOURSELF BEFORE EVERYONE!!!!