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Damn.
STRANGE BOXING MATCH TO TAKE PLACE IN LOWER EAST SIDE
Dateline September the 3rd, 1867 Anno Domino
By Sir Samuel Browning
Renowned goat pugilist Dustin “The Grazer” Vengerd participated in a grueling and bloody two-upon-one match yesterday afternoon. “Yargh” announced the young fighter, when pressed for comment following the match. The fight was a matter for a local charitable organisation for what The “Grazer” donated his fee. The Charity Help Fund for Loose and Immoral Young Women Who Have Lost Their Way, was happy to accept the help from “the Grazer”, who stated ”The Fund does important and vital work, from which I myself have often benefited,” when questioned just prior to the strange and unusual contest, which was conceived by the boxer himself. “'Tis a fine challenge,” he said was queried as to what lead him to conceive of a match between himself and two goats, fought simultaneous-like, “I have always believe a man should challenge himself and push his boundaries in every way imaginable. I have made no small name for myself battling goats in exhibition and competitive sport around this fine land, and I felt the time had come to try my hand at something a bit more challenging.”
UNEXPECTED LICENSING DIFFICULTIES
The match very nearly failed to materialize as promised. The Gaming Commission withheld permits form the unusual bout, citing a number of health concerns, regarding both the fighter and the audience. However, when it became public knowledge that The Prince of Wales would be in attendance, the Commission was happy to sign off on the necessary permits and give it's blessing to the event. “It was grand fun, just great great fun,” managed The Prince whilst gently drooling upon his epaulets and many military decorations and medals. His aides and attendants soon removed him without further comment when he began to urinate himself without a word.
THE FIGHT ITSELF
The fight itself was a sight to see. Many spectators were surprised at the speed and ferocity with which the young “Grazer” dispatched of his two hircusian opponents, though it was not without some bit of difficulty. Yelling his famous battle cry “Benigno!” he marched from his corner and had routed the first goat within a matter of seconds. However, the second proved to be more troubling, butting the fighter several times with his horns before a combination of his feared right hook and several flurrying jabs. The entire match was over in under five minutes, stunning spectators and upsetting the local gambling parlors. Many of the professional sporting journalists and oddsmakers had stated confidently that this would be the first resounding defeat for the young and previously unmatched fighter. However, he proved them wrong once more. “yargh,” he repeated when contacted by this reporter for a comment earlier today. “Yarg,” indeed.
Hello, what's your function?
Here's what I can do: Puncture your skin with metal implements which leave pigment behind for a nominal fee.
I am a professional, dammit.
I will murder your fine sensibilities, for I play the guitar and the saxophone and I yell and sing. For Satan.
My mind does not function on the same wavelength as the majority of humanity. Those that know me know this. It is the way of things.
Substantial percentage of creative output partially redirected/reverted to visual junk. Tattoos, maaan.
Quit hanging around the bar trying to get laid and go watch the band!
Goons.I'm here for the kids...
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