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About Me


For some reason or another, I hate when people take self pictures. Now, it's not personal, but too many self pictures make me think that there is nobody to take pictures with or for you. Another pet peave of mine is when people put "Gym" on their away message....well....let me expand my thought here, I hate when I read "Gym" on people's away message for about 8 months, but then you see them and they're still a fat ass. Just be honest, say something original like "as you can tell by my obtruse gut, I am as far away from the gym as possible"....or...."kitchen" if you want to be short about it. I used to be a cocksman, and ride with other cocksmen alike. Now, i'm just some 27 year old superhero looking for a chick who wants to do my laundry. I'm not kidding here, I hate laundry. So if any of you want to rock out some suds and clean my shirts, please feel free to let me know. The things in life that amuses me are as follows: fat people running, special ed kids swimming (now i know what you all are thinking, and yes, it's rather mean...but until you see one in a pool with their floaties on, you can't judge), girls that get breast implants before working on their oversized nose/paying for college/supporting their child/paying bills ect; cats with socks on covering their heads, men with mustaches/mullets, men with mustaches AND mullets, women with mustaches/mullets, women with mustaches AND mullets, speedos, and French people. Secretly, i'm sleeping with your girlfriend and that guy that will tell you what you want to hear to get you in bed. I also am an undercover secret agent assigned to rid the world of ignorance and solve extensive criminal activities.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

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First and foremost I would love to meet my grandfather. I mean, i've met him before, but I was young and don't remember. Here's the list...The Bush family, The Clinton's, Tom Brady, Michael Jordan, the entire Boston Red Sox team of 2004, Mike Tyson, Ben Folds, Tony Blair, Dave Chappelle, Richard Pryor, God, Chuck Liddell, Dana White, Rob Dydrek, Big Black, Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Phil Margera, all the Jackass cast for that matter, OJ Simpson, Leonardo, Michaelangelo, and the rest of the Ninja Turtles including Krang, Shredder, the Mouse Bots, and April O'Neal, Homer Simpson, Ron Burgundy, Ricky Bobby, Willy Wonka, Babe Ruth, Aunt Jamima, Oprah, Rachael Ray, Ron Jeremy, Jenna Jameson, the Saved by the Bell cast, the cast of 90210, any Sportcenter anchor, Mike Wilbon, Tony Kornheiser, Woody Page, Michael Smith, Michael Holly, Bill Plathske, J.A. Adonde, Jackie MacMullen, Bob Ryan, Jay Marriotti, Tony Reali, Tim Cowlishaw, Bo Jackson, Richard Simmons, Michael Jackson, Chubby Checker, and your mothers. Bitches.Post script: Once again, I would like to meet that person who is going to wash my clothes and perhaps cook. Oh yeah, and have money that they want to spend on me. Sure, i'll do something in return...what it is I don't know, but it will be something AWESOME as long as I am fellated on demand.MOVE ALL HTML CODES (IMAGES/WIDGETS/SLIDESHOWS/VIDEOS) BELOW THIS CODE

My Blog

The Embarrassing Life of Andy McDonald

The Embarrassing Life of Andy McDonaldWritten October 2009Let's be real here for just a second. Life, I have realized is just a pace car on death as said by one of my favorite bands. That couldn't be ...
Posted by on Mon, 19 Oct 2009 13:28:00 GMT

Prank Wars 3: Th Story of The Party

Prank Wars 3: The Story of The Party Written October 2009 At this stage of writing, you have all gotten to know the cast of characters. This chapter is years in the making. I remember telling...
Posted by on Sat, 17 Oct 2009 19:42:00 GMT

Prank Wars 2

Prank Wars 2 Summer 2006     This is the string of adventures that has taken me a few years to put them all together in one story. On top of that it has take me a long time to muster the ne...
Posted by on Tue, 18 Nov 2008 03:32:00 GMT

A Random Day Off

A Day In The Life November 15, 2008 As somebody who works in the restaurant industry, it's a rarity to find 2 days off in a row. On top of that, it's not an easy thing to get a weekend day off eithe...
Posted by on Sat, 15 Nov 2008 20:45:00 GMT

Halloween = Hilarity

A year or so ago, I lived on William St. in Portland, ME. I lived with my then girlfriend and a buddy of mine who had, to that point had been my roomate for a few years. This was the same guy that sle...
Posted by on Wed, 03 Sep 2008 23:20:00 GMT

Boys being boys: Prank Wars Pt. 1

I've been sitting here online reading other people's shit. It got me inspired to write, but as I sit here docile, I can't think of a thing to write about. I can't even think of a story off of the top ...
Posted by on Tue, 15 Jul 2008 14:43:00 GMT

Steakhouse and my wisdom tooth

Have you ever had a wisdom tooth trying to poke his ugly head through the skin of your gum? Well, if you haven't it sucks. That's why people get them removed, so they don't have to deal with the bulls...
Posted by on Tue, 29 Apr 2008 07:33:00 GMT

In Bed Mishaps

Sexual Mishaps Part 1: Fall 1999 Just by the title, you know this is going to be one of those stories that you’ll get half way through them and turn in distain. Honestly, I wouldn’t blame ...
Posted by on Mon, 07 Apr 2008 13:58:00 GMT

The Emergence of a Third Friend

Forward I am in Scottsdale, AZ. All I have done to this point is lay by the pool and lazily been a waste of life. Through this time, I have thought of the many idiotic, yet humorous things that I have...
Posted by on Mon, 07 Apr 2008 07:45:00 GMT

The Steps

My days at Chili's were really a blur. But a lot of memorable experiences occured there. During my first day of training, I was shown the ropes. I was introduced to the entire kitchen staff as well as...
Posted by on Sat, 25 Aug 2007 08:11:00 GMT