I feel uncomfortable for the most part. I want to be "me" more often and few rarely see that. The (un)lucky few see it and they are the ones I love with all of my heart. I love music. A simple note can change my day. I love books and quotes and words. A sentence can change a life. I love Revello's pizza and how the cheese sticks all over my teeth. I love Wild Bill's Beef Jerky, Swedish Fish, Blueberry Poptarts, Guinness, Harp, Bass, Yuengling Lager, Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Combos, and Abe's Hot Dogs (the one on South Main). I enjoy movies. My favorites are Garden State, Once, and Magnolia. I love listening to music. I love feeling music. I have over 1500 cds. Everything from Barry Manilow to Fantomas. Tom Waits is a genius. Garden City, SC is one of my favorite places. Toronto is awesome. New York blows my mind. I like meeting new people. I'm as insecure as a teenage girl. I don't think I'm great at anything. The world scares the shit out of me. I say "shit" a lot. Religious people believe in hell. Spiritual people have been to hell and back. I'm very spiritual. I believe God knows all. I believe in karma. I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe in Jesus and Buddha. I believe in anyone that has something good to say and wants to change the world. I believe in love. I believe a hug can help lift any weight. I'm scared of death. I'm obsessed with death. I'm scared to death. Society is fucked up. I believe there's good people out there. Not just on Extreme Makeover. But normal people doing day to day things that help others. They do it for no reward. They do it because they love. They are out there. Somewhere. I know Cytoxan kicks in after about 8 hours. I know what Doxorubicin is and I wish I didn't. I know what real pain is. I know what panic is. I've scene faces on my parents I never thought I'd ever have to see. I've been a burden. I wish I was a better brother. I think I missed him growing up. I say terrible things to my wife. But they're funny. I throw giant pillows at my dog. They're not so giant but to him they are. He's a little Jack Russell and he's a good dog. I don't think I have any friends I can truly count on. I often feel lonely. I wish I could change someone's life for the better. I wish I wasn't so afraid. I hate guys that act tough. People say I look tough and mean. I hate people that think their shit doesn't stink. I wish I knew what joy felt like. I like to have coffee on the beach in the morning and listen to my iPod. I have allergies. I love to laugh. I never did drugs but thought about it. I'm shy. I don't care what people think. I worry about what you're gonna think about me after you read this. I'm hypocrytical. I'm paranoid. I write myself notes and to-do lists all the time because I'm forgetful. Yvonne Strahovski makes me feel funny in my pants. I got wasted shit faced piss drunk with Reel Big Fish and my brother-in-law threw up on their bus. I grab boobs probably way too much. I'm a terrible influence on people. I know for a fact there are people that never cursed until they met me. I think I'm too open sometimes. I'm a good judge of character. I can smell bullshit from a mile away. I can figure people out in minutes. I think I'm more Irish than I probably am. I don't sit up. I slouch. I watch National Geographic channel. I like to think I'm kinda smart. I'm really not. I went to a strip club once. I wear kilts. I'm afraid to fly. I like wine. I think if your gonna do it, do it as big as fuckin' possible. I put up a good fight. Sarah and I hold hands a certain way that fits. I love my nieces and nephews. I think 9-11 fucked me up. I can juggle. I play drums terribly but when I play I feel amazing. I think I'm quite lazy. I miss Rhode Island. I was head over heals for three girls. 2 broke my heart. The third I'll never let go. My mom always said I was like the boy with the weight of the world on his shoulders. My back hurts a lot. I have a limp. I get nervous. I get tension headaches. I have OCD's. I double triple check the oven, unplug things that don't need to be unplugged, flip switches off and on and off again to make sure they're off. I leave things on all the time. I'm in debt up to my eyes. I hate cats. My knees hurt a lot. Waits is one of my heroes. Mule Variations, Small Change, and Rain Dogs are brilliant. Bukowski is my favorite writer. The earth DOES swarm with them. He's right. I had a baby tooth up until I was 28. Now I have an empty space there. I never thought I'd use my iPod as much as I do. I love to camp. A bear stole our marshmellows once. Remember the movie A Christmas Story? "You'll shoot your eye out." It's true. I shot myself in my right eye once trying to shoot a bat in an attic. I swear I saw it come back at me in slow motion but yet I couldn't move because I think I was in disbelief that what Raphie's mom said was true. I'm addicted to Chinese Food. I know what a BFN means and I'm sick of hearing it. Post Office, Dharma Bums, Catcher in th Rye are my favorite books. Ace Combat 6 pwns my sorry ass. I'm trying to be a better person. I'm currenlty overworked and tired. I love to talk about life, politics, movies, and music. I wish I had someone to talk to about those things. St. Jude is around my neck. I'm fighting life with all I got.
I don't want to grow up.