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I'd like to meet:

The one who can keep up with me, laugh at my jokes, take a compliment and say thanks, and most of all, be willing to leap and watch the net appear. And also of course:Chuck Norris... Because: When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris' penis is so large that it actually warps the fabric of space-time. Indeed some physicists now theorize that the passage of time is merely a byproduct of Norris' colossal erections. This is known as the "Chuck Norris' big cock theory of space-time". Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants. Chuck Norris could have any woman he wants, but he has never had sex. He only masturbates because the only person good enough to have sex with Chuck is Chuck. Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME. You give a man a fish, he eats for a day. You teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime. If you ever try to teach Chuck Norris about fishing, he will use your testicles as bait. Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses. Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids. Chuck Norris doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs. Jeeves asks Chuck Norris. Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public. Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved. Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club. Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter." Chuck Norris never gets a brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants. Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now." Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31 to April 2; no one fools Chuck Norris. When driving in his SUV, Chuck Norris always swerves out of the way if a squirrel is in the road. Not because he finds their antics amusing, but because it gives him a chance to run over pedestrians. The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!" Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Chuck Norris is on yet. Chuck Norris can speak Braille. If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris. Objects in Chuck Norris' rear-view mirror appear at their correct distances. Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck. Chuck Norris crossed the road. Nobody has ever dared question his motives. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green 4 card from the game Uno. When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking; it is your cue to start running for your life. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken...but if Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef. The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide. When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger. They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Neither does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.Chuck Norris does not have your normal human-style, male nipples. He has a Dodge Ram hood ornament on each pec, and both rams blow smoke out of their noses each and every time he pumps Christy Brinkley. Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day. The roundhouse kick has been proven to be more deady than kryptonite. The Death of Superman? Yeah, that was from Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris, when clean-shaven, radiates the heat of three suns. Chuck Norris is the only one ever in history to stare Medusa straight in the eyes and not be turned to stone. The result was Roseanne Bar. Chuck Norris went on a jungle trek and spit into a hole. His saliva created the Fountain of Youth. At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist. Every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy boot on its jaw. Scientists are baffled, but we know damn well why. Chuck Norris is so gifted in baseball that everytime he hits a homerun everyone watching becomes pregnant. Hence the reason he doesn't play in the major leagues. Chuck Norris is the final picture on an Evolution chart. Ghandi used to be a Nazi before Chuck Norris Round House Kicked him in the face. Showing him that violence is not the answer. Chuck Norris once challenged Oprah to a grudge match after she gave his biography bad reviews. She declined so he round house kicked her face