...you know I can't smile without you...

...Tottenham til I die...

An Introduction.

MySpace is a funny funny thing.
No, actually it's not. But one must seriously ponder when having the misfortune of stumbling over this life ruining networking site, how the hell do people sum themselves up in 10 lines and a hell of a lot of HTML?! Well they don't, stupid. So get the hell off my page. Take your dog too.

Captain Catty: Who are you?

Firstly, I type in full. This was a personal choice I made at the beginning of my online profile days. I'm not sure why really.
i gues i find da idaea of typin lyke dis 2 b slitely repolsiv realli!1!!one! No, I kid, I kid...I just enjoy having an IQ. There are three main food groups in life (yes, I am a Captain and a nutritionist)...
1. Cruskits with Vegemite.
2. Mi goreng.
3. Mint choc chip icecream. Water? Don't need it. I don't wear makeup 24/7 (that's cool speak for 'all the time') I figure it's pointless. If you constantly rely on makeup then chances are you were ugly from the beginning and are merely a lost cause. Once ugly, always ugly. For those of you who this applies to, I apologise, you have no purpose in life. Lets face it kids, ugly people are like race horses that can't run - they should be put down at birth.
I am joking of course. I apologise profusely to anyone this offends - It's all in good fun. Who am I kidding?! Go have a cry. Why not eat something while you're at it? You're probably fat too.

Heritage: An important part of one's identity.

Being a "Mongrel Asian" [the politically correct term for a person who has one parent of Asian heritage] I feel I reap most of the benefits in life. This allows me to make racist comments about Asians without actually being racist. For example, if you were to call a friend "white boy", they would say, "Ha! So funny you are! I see the irony for we are both white, nigga." And no one would think twice about it. So when I make comments like, "Get out of my country and stop stealing all our jobs," I receive similar responses. We're on the same level, you see? It also allows me to get highly offended at racist Asian comments when I feel it is appropriate. This doesn't happen often. If it happens to you, then chances are I don't like you.
However, my good friends, mongrel Asianism is not always ^_^ and special fried lemon chicken. Oh no. Everybody knows that all Asians are incredibly talented at music (due to having played an instrument since the foetal stage) and incredibly intelligent (read: robots) But no, not I. Whilst being brilliant, unbelievably witty and incredibly modest, I am only half Asian. One would assume that this means I'm merely one of the two. Alas, no. I am half shite at both. It's a cruel, cruel concept and I feel this is God's way of punishing me for being partly Asian.
Although, all negatives aside, I tan easily. That's lucky for me really because orange really isn't my colour. Unfortunately, most girls don't realise it's not theirs either. Fake tan? Shoot me.

Emokidna: Every hero needs a sidekick.

This is my pet. He is ACE. He lives on MySpace with all the other emos and he just keeps on trekking on and lets me know I'm not alone in the world. We hang out and wallow in self pity every single day of the week. He likes strawberries - They're red - Just like his bleeding heart.
adopt your own virtual pet!

Top Friends: My aim in life.

I have recently discovered my sole purpose for existing in the world. It is now my aim in life to have a photo taken with each person in my Top Friends. As each photo is taken, it will be posted in a special album in my pictures. Watch this space.
Michael Dawson and me? Well tight innit.