Paul

'Three blind men were shown an elephant. They touched it with their hands to determine what the creature was. The first man felt the trunk, and claimed that an elephant was like a snake. The second man touched its leg and claimed that an elephant was like a tree. The third man touched its tail, and claimed that an elephant was like a slender rope.

I am just another blind man. I do not get the whole picture of what transpires in all places. I am blind and limited. I would be a fool to think myself wise. And so, not knowing what the universe means, I can only try to be responsible with the knowledge, the strength, and the time given to me. I must be true to my heart.'

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'Your life will follow your expectations. You have to change your thinking before you can ever change your living. That won't happen automatically. The Bible says, "Set your mind and keep it on higher things."
Expect circumstances to change in your favor.
Expect people to go out of their way to help you.
Expect to be in the right place at the right time.'

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'There comes a time in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, and who always will.
Don't worry about the people from the past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future.'

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'Relationships are work.
Communication is key.
Forgiveness is essential.
The only thing constant is change.'

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'The only way to make any relationship last is take the time to learn everything there is to know about someone, and not only get it, but value it'

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"Recently a couple we're friends with split up. Not voluntarily on the part of the woman, the guy left his wife, 4 year-old son and newborn for some hot young chick. (Since then you'll be happy to know that this hot chick has left him and there's a good solid chance he has fucked himself and his family up for the rest of their lives.) Personally it's something I could never do, you can't just walk away with any slut willing get involved with some little kid's dad, nor should you attempt to be the one lucky husband that gets away with dumping his wife's corpse in the river and blaming it on Mexican guys. It never works out. The murderer husband, unless of course he has happened to run for 2004 yards in a single season, usually gets caught. The kids are traumatized. And don't forget about the innocent Mexican guys. Being accused of a murder you didn't commit has got to seriously fuck with your daily routine.

Of course there are extreme exceptions that make up and leaving your family acceptable. But killing the mother of your children, that is never a good idea. There is one - and only one time offing your husband/wife is a perfectly fine and universally understandable course of action.

Zombies.

If your spouse gets bit by zombies, not only do you get to kill her, but you are encouraged to blast him or her in the face as many times as you like until your zombie bit former life partner stops convulsing. In fact, it's not even up to you, the rest of the people in your survival party will insist on it, especially the bald buffed out black guy. You can protest all you want, "But Ving I love her! It's just a scrape, please!" Then with out warning, Blammo! Out of nowhere the no nonsense old lady you once thought was a liability kills her for you - to the delight of movie goers everywhere.

So people stuck in bad relationships with kids try to stick it out for your children's sake and start praying for the rise of the living dead. It's really your only legit wife killing option."

-Al Madrigal

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Life Lessons:

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes, after that, you'd better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

I've learned to say "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.

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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
-- Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
-- Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand"
-- Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
-- Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
-- Lynn Lavner

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
-- Matt Barry

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
-- George Burns

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
-- George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
-- Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex -- no matter what she's reading."
-- Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
-- Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is"
-- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)

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Paul's sexual nickname:

"Heat-Seeking Moisture Missile"

Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

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"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
-- Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
-- Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
-- Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
-- Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
-- Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked".
-- Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
-- Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
-- Robin Williams

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Ross Clan tartan

Scottish Hielands

Pisek, Czech Republic

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You're a Freaky Kisser
When you kiss, you want to experience something new
A new technique, a new partner, a new piercing...
And your own personal kissing style is very unpredictable
There's no saying where your tongue or hands will go What Kind of Kisser Are You?

How You Live Your Life
You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is.
You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.
Your friends tend to be a as quirky as you are - which is saying a lot!
You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable. How Do You Live Your Life?

img src="http://www.geocities.com/sabbathhistory/FSM_200.jpg"