About Me
A lot has happened to me this past year. I lost myself . I made some friends that were not good for me or my life & I lost some friends that were good for me. Right now I'm trying to re-discover & re-create who I am. Do any of us truly know who we really are? And if you do more power to you I wish I had your insight. My main goal is to be the best mother that I can. Now & forever my 2 boys are my life. They are my # 1 priority. As lame as this might sound to others, my boys are what keeps my heart alive, & allow me to move through the pains of this world, they are my hope, they need me & I love them. They are innocent, pure, filled with joy, love, wonder, curiosity, & constant amazement & thankfulness. Things I forgot that were so simple & so wonderful. They are what define me now. My # 1 job being their mother. To those who are mothers…wow...what a honor. I got lost 4 a little while trying to live my teenage years I thought I lost, also trying to hide from a lot of pain that we know just happens in life. It doesn't make it any easier does it? To me it just seemed for a year it was one thing after another w/people I love being hurt, sick, sad, ect…and by my own bad choice I felt I needed to be little miss fix it because they called out for help & needed me & in all that forgot about myself & my priorities & then got burnt out. I have been on my own since I was 16yrs old, never had a chance to drink, party, let loose & be a teen. On my own forced to be responsible. Had to make sure I went to High School, worked two jobs, did my home work, paid my bills, & finally went to bed. Daily the same routine.. And if I fell from exhaustion, I just pulled myself up by my boots straps just like a good Marines daughter would do, & my life didn't skip a beat, feel the pain, or acknowledge the problem. I just moved forward, pressed on like it never happened. Don’t get me wrong I’m not writing all this for a pity party I hope someone gets something good from this, some insight. Learn from my mistake my wrong choices I made later in my life all because I thought I missed out on something. I wouldn't change a thing in my past. I am honestly happy in my heart of hearts that I went through every thing I did. When I need to I am able to press through a lot of hardships & gather strength because of my past. Be strong when most would give up. Most of you didn't know this year was so different from the rest. Some of you met in my this recent unfortunate state. Most of you though know me with the constant smile on my face, the responsible women that always did what needed to be done. My happy mask that covered it all. Well I'm human. I bleed I hurt, and finally got burnt out, I got lost. I don’t’ regret anything but this...that I chased after something that I thought I missed out on & all it brought is more harm then good in my life. The great thing though is it is my & I change it> I have control to change it. I am proud to be a Marines daughter because although my fathers gone now he taught me never to give up & I can always pick myself back up from the ashes and start over again. I can choose to be true to myself, love myself, love my life & be thankful for every blessing & gifts I have. There is one good thing that came from this past yr…recently I have gained more self respect. Choosing now not allow other opinions to hurt me. Not trying to be everyone’s friend & worrying about them liking me or what they thought off me. That is something I have been working on forever. No one should feel trapped in others opinions of them. I’m working on a better me so that I can be a blessing to those around me & not a burden. I’m sorry to anyone of you that I hurt.
