Sergeant Hairyhair O'Teacock

About Me

My name is not Liam, as my profile might suggest thus far, it is actually Liam. I have these nifty things called male genitals which most months I like to keep concealed in styrofoam, very occasionally bringing them out for social occasions such as funerals and suicide missions. In the past I have been described as fat, lazy, fat, boring, unfunny and fat. For the most part this doesn't faze me, since I cannot read or understand language, but life goes on, like a snail falling off a bike rack. The bike rack is made of emotion, and this is actually a metaphor which you won't understand unless you did woodwork at school. Let the good times roll, like an articulated 16 wheel truck right into your front room.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

A version of me from an alternate universe, to see how large it's genitals were. I would kidnap alternate universe me (or A-ME, as it is now called) and keep it in a cage, after various prods and pokes using a primitive 'stick'-like object, I would observe A-ME for signs of anger, distress, loneliness, musicianship or arousal. The test would only be a success if all of the above states of mind were noticed, at the same time. I would also like to meet John Myung.

My Blog

What God must have been thinking.

Here are just a couple of things you surely must have expected that God was thinking/saying during his existence bit.Feel free to add some if the mood takes you."...ah yes, strongly peach with just a ...
Posted by on Tue, 19 Jun 2007 09:20:00 GMT

Marketed for children.

Me and Will found some fucking strange products on the internet.Directions for use:1. Take a small finger-full of 'Hero-ine' and dab on the gums& Yeah, motherfucker, that feels good, doesn't it? Try a...
Posted by on Sun, 25 Mar 2007 18:00:00 GMT

Man, some people are just losers.

Dating Agencies fucking rule - click here
Posted by on Thu, 22 Mar 2007 16:33:00 GMT

Book Excerpts: Part 2

Here's some more backstory. Turns out my Uncle's book - "And When Did You Last See Your Father?" - is being made into a film, and it turns out last Saturday I went down to where it's being filmed in D...
Posted by on Thu, 16 Nov 2006 17:41:00 GMT

Book Excerpts: Part 1

Here's the backstory. Back in the heady days of 1993, my Uncle's book was published, and I was mentioned in it. Unfortunately the only time I was mentioned was because my mother was pregnant with me a...
Posted by on Sat, 04 Nov 2006 08:28:00 GMT

More Things About Me!

1. Something that you recently changed: My shoelaces. From having no shoelaces, to having shoelaces. What a difference it makes!2. Why are you so effin amazing: Misspelling and bad grammar are for the...
Posted by on Sun, 22 Oct 2006 21:14:00 GMT

Lee Yamallen's Dating Tips, 2006

So, you want to learn about dating? On my travels across this world in my various professions (guitarist, ninja, skateboarder, skateboarding-guitarist-ninja-pries...
Posted by on Thu, 28 Sep 2006 09:05:00 GMT

ITV Big Clean Up

HYPER UPDATE-A-THON 3: THE DEATHENING Here is the final bunch of information for all people volunteering for the Big Clean Up: The bus will leave Leeds Train Station at 9.30am on Sunday. Please dres...
Posted by on Wed, 06 Sep 2006 08:32:00 GMT

Shittingcockbiscuits

Well now, do I have a proposition for you? That was a rhetorical question, because I do! Or do I? That was also a rhetorical question. If you - my good man/lady friend - can answer me these ...
Posted by on Wed, 28 Jun 2006 03:46:00 GMT

Cockingfucktashes

So Im sat here just seriously ruling ass, when I come to the realization that I never shoved up the worlds arse a piece of music that is worth a squirt, you know, really worth wristing one...
Posted by on Mon, 16 Jan 2006 16:44:00 GMT