This is my “secret†MySpace. No one in my personal life has been told that I created this one. I have another one that everyone else knows about. The ONLY reason that this one is being kept to myself is because even tho normally I am an open book.....especially to my girl.....this is too personal and too painful to have my loved ones see me go thru. She knows about my demons. She’s pretty much just like me. I love that she is because she understands what’s going on inside my head so much more than anyone I’ve ever known. I hate it because when I see & hear her be cruel to herself.....FUCK if it doesn’t tear me up.
Should she ever find this....please just understand that I needed this personal struggle to be private & I didn’t want you to feel this pain by seeing me go thru it. I am ashamed of what I am.
I HATE THAT THIS IS MY ONE SECRET FROM YOU.
This is my secret MySpace. I need inspiration. I need to achieve my goal no matter what. I was sooooo damn close! I HATE myself for letting myself get back to where I SWORE I would never be!
I believe in Control, the only force mighty enough to bring order to the chaos that is my world.
I believe that I am the most vile, worthless and useless person ever to have existed on this planet, and that I am totally unworthy of anyone's time and attention.
I believe that other people who tell me differently must be idiots. If they could see how I really am, then they would hate me almost as much as I do.
I believe in oughts, musts and shoulds as unbreakable laws to determine my daily behaviour.
I believe in perfection and strive to attain it.
I believe in salvation through trying just a bit harder than I did yesterday.
I believe in calorie counters as the inspired word of god, and memorize them accordingly.
I believe in bathroom scales as an indicator of my daily successes and failures.
I believe in hell, because I sometimes think that I'm living in it.
I believe in a wholly black and white world, the losing of weight, recrimination for sins, the abnegation of the body and a life ever fasting.
..................FITDAY.COM..................
…..Minimalist Temple (A Pro EDnos Site)…..
…..Body Slave (Pro EDNOS)…..
…..Pro-Thinspo LiveJournal…..
..................Ana’s Underground Grotto..................
..................Fading Obsession..................
..................Pro Ana Mia..................
