ey yo i`m erin.
i`m seventeen & a junior @ sachem east ; drama central.
i`m a vegetarian
i`m straight edge now ; and idc what you say. it`s going good, and should`ve been for a long timeeee.
i lovee the summer ; beaccch & the ocean.
jersey shore is deff the vacay spot.
but i still love the snow & snowboarding.
i`m probabaly the most insecure person you`ll meet, but i hide it well.
i`m very outgoing & crazy at times.
although i am very mature when it`s needed.
i`m very obsessed with my weight get over it ; & deff. don`t call me fat as a "joke"i won`t laugh.
i have been dancing for fourteen years, i love it.
i still sleep with a stuffed animal ; wuzzles.
oh & a nightlight.
my cellphone & my camera = my life.
i have 14 peircings. 5 on each ear. my tracius & cartilidge, lip, & belly button.
i love tats & all peircings.
i don`t smoke or do drugs, it`s not my thing.
but i will not judge you.
if you`re worth my time, that`s all that`s needed.
i`m tired of bending over backwards for everyone & just being stabbed in the front.
i hate being lied to ; grow some balls & tell me to my fucking face.
i love drinking monsters.
every wall in my room is a different color.
i probably own more clothes & shoes then you, but i wear less then half of them.
my mom is my bestfriend.
my uncle john and my cousin ryan mean everything to me.
i would probabaly die without my dog.
no gay bashing around me. AT ALL.
i have a few friends that are "gay" & i love them more then anything. so fuck off if you have ANYTHING to say.
i hate my dad, get over it.
no stupid comments about being "emo". can you even classify what that means?
cutting & rape is in no way a joke to me.
joke about it & i`ll fucking punch you.
i have a guitar but haven`t learned bc nobody`ll fucking teach me.
i`ve been threw a lot, and i know a lot. but can`t take my own advice.
anything else you`d like to know ask.
& don`t just be my friend to have a lot of friends, talk to meee.
Poems, yes written by me:
1. I`m sitting on my bed, my eyes blood shot red. it must be from all the crying, i`m still alive although i feel like i`m slowly dying. I know something`s wrong, my emotions are like an endless song. The people who care, ask is eevrything alright? I bite my lip & i don`t hesitate i say yea, sure, without a fight. The way my life is now will forever stay, i just wish there was another way.
2. You told me you loved me, so i have yet to learn why you do what you do. Why you constantly have an urge to force tears from my eyes! Did i do something to deserve this? I`ve yet to learn, how loving you is so terribly wrong. I can end the pain and suffering in a simple heartbeat & breath. Although you can immediatley lie to me & yourself, & tell me you love me...& all that happens is i fall back into your arms like everything`s fine when it`s really is not.my starvation war. The less clothes upon my body, the more beautiful i become. Classy isn`t. To be liked you must be trashy.
4. She tells herself she`s not pretty. She says "i`m nothing special". She always hopes & prays for a better day yet to come.Everytime something that makes her happy comes her way, she erases it from her mind. All because she says "i`m not pretty, i`m nothing special".
5. She talks to him, & knows he cares. Everything he tells her, she belives. When she looks into his eyes, she knows, he loves her. As he wraps his arms around her ; hugging her, at that very moment she`s lost. Everything around her is gone. It`s only her & him standing ; holding eachother. He leans in to kiss her & their lips touch. To her it`s like a poem touching her heart. Than she slowly looks up, into his eyes again ; & she knows she`sin love
6. All day long i use what`s left of my emotional strenght to fake a smile. For i don`t want you to know that i`m hurting. The moment i step foot into my house, i know i can be free. I can finally be myself. I run up into my room filled with joy, as my eyes begin to fill with tears. I can let out all my pain & shamw. For i am not who i pretend to be ; A happy girl is not what i am. I`m not in a bright shining area. I`m in a dark dark empty hole. I cannot fullfill what i am lacking. -Happiness-
7. When you only smiled at me & pretended everything was ok ; My heart broke into ten different pieces. & as i quickly put them back together ; I remembered this was all my fault. exactly what they are. you are my entire world i love you.
17. how can someone you trust with everything that ever meant something to you ; could just leave? leave you by yourself. scared and alone.
8. People take their first glance at me and think i`m the most happiest girl with nothing to gain ; but they can`t see past my smile and laughter, that i`m the saddest girl with nothing to lose, because she lost it all once before.
19. she likes to imagine that she`s perfect.
that every boy loves her, and every girl envys her.
and her beauty is indescribable.
she`s always getting lost in her fairy taled dreams.
she knows what she imagines will never come true, but she can dream can`t she?
20. this is such a beautiful thing.
all the lies you tell me.
the way my heart shatters is simply breathe taking.
oh, and how the tears fall from my eyes ; so innocently.
i take such great pleasure in your lies.
they make me feel so good.
thankyou.
21. hold me tonight, hold me in your arms.
whisper in my ears, those three words ;
i`ve been dying to hear.
hold me.
hold me and never let go.
kiss away the pain.
kiss away the tears.
please.
please make me happy ;
just this one night.
hold me.
hold me in your arms;
make me smile.
please.
22. i`m the girl with the smile on her face.
who`s really hiding how she really feels.
biting her lip, and shrugging off ;
every bit of pain she really has.
hidden all away behind her smile.
you`ll never know the things i hide.
you`ll just know my smile.
and my smile only.
23. you look at me ;
i look away.
you kiss me ;
i pull away.
you say i love you ;
i ignore you.
and i do it all because, i love you more than you`ll ever know.
and i`m too scared of hurting ; us.
24 tonight`s the night reality settles in.
you cry because you`re really hurt.
hurt deep inside.
you have to do this alone.
it`s only you, and you alone.
take a deep breathe and count to ten.
tonight`s the night you make it threw.
fuck the fake people ;
who said they`ll be there.
you have you and always will.
now take that breathe and pull threw.
it`s all you girl.
it`s all you.
25. You had me fooled for longer than i can remember.
you`re a great liar.
pretending you were my friend ;
how could i be so blind?
you cause me more heart ache than i can even manage.
i won`t fall for it next time though.
you`re nothing but a low life.
thanks for everything ;
you did to me.
atleast you had a good laugh right?
26. i`m lost and all i want is to be found. what i wished to never happen already has. i feel as if the entire world has turned its back on me. i`m dangling at the end of my rope. my grip keeps getting more weak. i don`t know who to turn to ; or trust. not even i, can help myself this time. i`m alone, scared, and lost. all i want is to be found.
27. how have you been? are you holding up finely? i know i`m not. and i`m so lost without you. you of all people, i never could imagine you`d stab me in the back. my wound had yet to heal. is there anything you`d like to say? i can only wish, hope, and pray to have you back...i know i never will. but not a day goes by that i`m not missing you.
28. each day that slowly goes by, my sadness gradually becomes more overwhelming. i`m awlays searching for ways to hdie the pain. it gets harder each day i wake up. i know outside i`m alive ; but on the inside i feel like i`m really not even alive. i wish that this was all a nightmare and i could escape it. but not even i can escape reality...
29. i feel like i`ve let everyone down, including myself. i`m realizing now i`m just a failure to life ; a failure to any and everyone. i don`t even have the pyschical or emotional strength to try anymore. i give up more each day. in time, i`ll have already given up.
30.
she isn`t at all what people make her up to be.
everyday is just another day to be humiliated ;
by the ones she thought were there.
it`s like a reoccuring nightmare that she can`t awake from ;
and she wants out.
she wants out so badly.
she`s always trying to come up with ways to deal, and hide her pain.
but it shows.
it shows so badly.
everyone can see right threw her fake smile. like its all crystal clear.
31.
everyday she fights a war,
a war against her own will.
see, she has to please everyone ;
and be everything they want.
but she`s not at all what they want.
so she loses the war for acceptance ;
and she doesnt care anymore.
because, this time the only she wants to be is herself.
and if people don`t like the real her.
FUCK THEM.
32.
the words that leave her lips always begging for forgiveness,
even when she`s done nothing wrong ;
not even the slightest.
the tears that fall from her eyes,
are always coming from her broken heart that`s been betrayed, forgotten and lost ;
one too may times.
the scars that grace her wrist,
are always re-born when she felt so dead ;
so dead she had to remind herself she was alive ;
and just living a nightmare.
33.
it was a cold winter night,
i was sitting alone in my room ;
looking out the window, watching the snow fall.
the moon shined onto the snow, making it glisten & sparkle.
i never felt so alone that night.
my mind started running rancive with thoughts.
as tears began to fall from my eyes onto my cheeks,
i tried to scream for someone.
anyone.
not a sound was made.
nothing came out of my mouth.
i started to run to the phone,
but soon i found i could not move.
my eyes turned to fear.
why was nobody there?
why was i so alone?
i thought of just ending the pain right there.
as i grabbed the knife sweat dripped down my face.
before i knew it, i woke up.
in my bed.
was it a nightmare? or a sign.
34.
the life that i lead is full of tragedies & sympathy.
these tears`ll never stop.
they`re not turning to smiles & laughter ;
not this time.
i`m turning this never ending page in my life,
& moving on.
i can`t take the pain of waiting for change.
it`ll never happen.
if i want change, i have to make it myself.
35.
i lie awake at night,
thinking of all the ways you let me down.
your broke my heart completely,
and left me all alone.
i`m lost.
and scared.
what did i do to deserve this?
i didlove you.
not anymore.
you`re nothing to me.
nothing but a painful memory.
36.
wen i saw the tears roll down your cheek,
i felt my heart jump out of my chest.
it was a painful feeling.
i tried with all my might to hold my ground ;
but i started to slip.
i didn`t want to give up ;
i knew once i did, it`d all be over.
but we accomplished so much, i told myself.
how could it slip right threw my fingers?
i have not the slightest idea.
but i do know i`ll keep you safe in my thoughts and close in my heart.
the world finally came crashing down,
it was all over.
37.
the scars,
they tell a story.
of a time when she was alone,
with no one by her side.
oh, how she was hurt,
so scared.
she will grow,
and the scars will fade.
but the horrible memories ;
will not.
38.
hi, i want to tell you a story about a girl who was all alone.
a girl who looked to the skies for answers as to why her world was upside down.
she was at the lowest of the lows, couldn`t manage to pull herself up.
looking for a helping hand that was never there.
when she finally realized this isn`t a fairy tale ; there is no happily ever after tune ringing in her ears.
everything came to a hault.
all the beauty and love within her slowly died until there was nothing left.
her world became dark.
and she stayed in the darkness alone ; until it ended.
no more pain. it was finally over.
