www.dustinland.com - I am a professional bounty hunter / hair stylist. I can surf 100 foot waves without a board. I am a 14th level dungeon master. I have 98 kids from 103 different mothers. I can turn invisible but only in a dark room. I have the power to reduce any professional sports team to a last place disaster, simply by rooting for them. I can play the violin with my ass. I am such a great DJ, I can blend Slayer into Fiona Apple and you won't even realize the song has changed. My greatest magic trick was locking myself in a box with David Blane and punching him in the face for three days straight. I could take Mike Tyson in a fight, but he could destroy me in Stratego. I am the world champion Trivial Pursuit player because I memorized all the answer cards. I killed 58 people by pushing Blanka into a crowded pool. I know so much about music, I'm already bored of every album that will come out in 2008. I don't have a cell phone because I know every single person on Earth and if I ever need to contact someone I just tell the first person I see who I need and to "pass it on." You can't cut me, but you can back cut me. I can beat Super Mario Bros. 1 without touching the controller. I only smoked pot once but I didn't exhale. The Mars Volta fan club has issued a fatwa on me. I hate freedom.www.dustinland.com
