The Raconteuse profile picture

The Raconteuse

Prisoner of Hope. Location: The Jerz. Last Login: Probably today.

About Me


Nickname: CAJ(e). Crikey A.J.!
Birthday: I'm leonine.
Birthplace: Stratford, NOT on Avon
Current Location: 39.92|-75.07
Eye Color: Greyish, purpley blue...dull
Hair Color: Sunset...and not so dull
Height: Tall enough to work this ass.
Right Handed or Left Handed: Like I'd admit it if I were one of the damned?
Your Heritage: As Patty's Pig.
The Shoes You Wore Today: There's a fair chance they're lipstick red Betsey Johnson platforms.
Your Weakness: Historically speaking, chrome domes with arms and charm that set off my downstairs fire alarm.
Your Biggest Fear: That I haven't really just had a string of bad luck, but that's all that's really out there.
Your Perfect Pizza: Thin crust, extra cheese, light on the sauce.
Your Motto: "Step-up or step-off."
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Visit my webcam here.
Thoughts Upon First Waking Up: Which side of the bed is the wrong side?
Number of Tattoos: One, that says "chicken shit" in flesh toned ink
Your Best Physical Feature: I'm a 360 degree delight, baby.
Your Bedtime: The lioness never sleeps.
Your Most Missed Memory: If I forgot it, I can't miss it?
Pepsi or Coke: It's really hard to sniff Pepsi.
McDonalds or Burger King: McD has a Playplace. Playplace=peace.
Single or Group Dates: Stuffed dates. Rolled in coconut.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: How very anti-Snapple.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Sing this in Ani DiFranco voice, "Everyone....loves fucking neapolitan."
Cappuccino or Coffee: Neither, allergic.

My Interests


alphabetically speaking:

aphorisms. baking. beer. being me. belly butterlies. big (and small) words. bulging biceps. cheesesteaks. color. confidence. coordinating. crabbing. dancing. deep-sea fishing. denim. dive bars. espousing huge generalizations based on astrological signs. extended eye contact. fearlessness. film. flirting. getting in touch with my feminine side. good game(s). Halloween. happy accidents. high heels. integrity. intensity. Italian clothing. learning. lifting until it hurts. making out. modernism. modjeskas. momming. my blue guitar. nouveau traditionalism. old-school rap. passion. protein. rapier wits. realness. runner's highs. sarcasm. self-awareness. silliness. soldiers. spectator MMA. street smarts. taking pics of my adorable kid. teaching. texture. tomfoolery. unabashed patriotism. white tuna sashimi. working for what you want out of life. writing.

I'd like to meet:



Sorry boys, but I've necessarily removed myself from the market (or what proved to be the game). Move along.



Overheard

"When irresistible force meets immovable object, there's an indescribable collision."-anon

"You're like a Bond girl insomuch as (sic) you are beautiful, but still possess the innate ability to fuck up the day of anyone who has the audacity to think they have you figured out."--M.W.

"The surest aid in combating the male's disease of self-contempt is to be loved by a clever woman."--Nietzsche

"You should never punch a snake, right?"--Scarlett

"Out of the ash/ I rise with my red hair/ and I eat men like air."--Sylvia Plath, "Lady Lazarus"

"I would imagine I'll die young...a strange death-- like getting hit by a flatbed truck, full of trucks, carrying matchbox trucks."--me

"The mad author of anguish. My language, polluted....I'm not watered down, so I'm dying of thirst."--Onyx, Slam

"And some chicks are just too hard to wife."-- MF Doom

"Grabbing Life by its collar, staring it in its ugly face and tongue-kissing it." --me

"I'm not who you think I am. I'm not good or real. I'm evil and imaginary."--Karen, Will and Grace

"For when a boy writes off the world it's done with sloppy misspelled words, if a girl writes off the world it's done in cursive." --Sage Francis

"To get the lioness to eat from your palm, you must first be willing to put your hand in the cage."--me

Music:


Movies:


Intacto, Junebug, Ten Items or Less, City of God, Babel, The Princess and the Warrior, Lost in Translation, Amores Perros, All about my Mother, Magnolia, All the Real Girls, The Princess Bride, Little Miss Sunshine, The Squid and the Whale, Palindrome, I Heart Huckabees, Red, Blue, White, The Last Kiss, Barbarella, The English Patient, The Big Lebowski, and the ending to Broken Flowers, of course.

Television:


is pretty much never on.

Books:


make for great coasters and poster art.

Heroes:


People who want more out of life. And who aren't afraid to chase it. Even if it runs hella faster than they do.
Meh Specs
Status:
Symbol.
Here for:
Same reasons you are-- being an exhibitionist, reconnecting with friends you normally wouldn't, and the occasional smug satisfaction as karma works her steeze.
Orientation:
Missed it, but last time I checked straight as a ruler.
Hometown:
Just a small town girl. Living in a lonely world.
Body Type:
67.6" of pure, unadulterated fluffernutter despite hours in the gym.
Ethnicity:
Ever see Slim Goodbody? I suspect he cuckolded my father..
Sign:
Cosine.
Progeny:
One, but I could always use a spare.
Education:
I've got mad street cred.
Occupation:
Ninja, Libertine, Raconteuse, English Professor, Web Designer. In that order.
Income:
I'm such a Hustla, I should be published by Larry Flint.

My Blog

The true meaning of regret.

I started a myspace survey tonight after my first day back at work, and after my first great day in what feels like weeks. One of the questions was, "Biggest regret?" Normally I have a stock answer fo...
Posted by The Raconteuse on Tue, 07 Oct 2008 12:22:00 PST

Wow

I accidentally came across this personal ad on a dating website. I think I may need to meet the woman who wrote this and bow down in utter supplication. Why, it's as if she knows my life story...almos...
Posted by The Raconteuse on Mon, 06 Oct 2008 08:52:00 PST

Hollah! Ween

"The freaks come out at night."--WhodiniYes, as evidenced by my MySpace pic, it's that time of year again; however, I've decided to give in and throw my own party instead of sucking off The Drass' ama...
Posted by The Raconteuse on Wed, 24 Sep 2008 12:45:00 PST

6/7

Tonight, while revising my match.com profile, I noticed for the first time in the 3 hours since taking place, that I am now 37. Being 37 doesn't feel any different physically and didn'...
Posted by The Raconteuse on Sun, 10 Aug 2008 12:54:00 PST

Limbo

Today, my grandmother died. Not literally, of course. I went to see her at the nursing home where she now resides (lives seems grossly inaccurate) to "pay my last respects." I'm not sure where this ex...
Posted by The Raconteuse on Fri, 13 Jun 2008 12:26:00 PST

Islamorada

Trying to describe motherhood is akin to describing a mirror to the blind. The few times I have been asked proved some of the only times I've been unable to express myself, as if I had a m...
Posted by The Raconteuse on Thu, 15 May 2008 10:31:00 PST

Narcissus

Narcissus   Had I truly been your muse, perhaps my third or fourth lap. Had I been your lover, cast   a gaze to earn or inspire what you drew from yellow shorts for me today, I w...
Posted by The Raconteuse on Mon, 05 May 2008 11:08:00 PST

Intuition

Intuition-- Leslie FeistWhat gives, what helps?The intuitionI'll know, I'll knowOh, I won't have to be shownThe way homeAnd it's not about a boyAlthough, althoughThey can lead youBreak and defeat y...
Posted by The Raconteuse on Mon, 05 May 2008 05:13:00 PST

Wisteria

Some 6 years ago, in a premarital attempt to become more domesticated, I took up (in the loosest sense of the word possible) gardening. I say domesticated because I was convinced...
Posted by The Raconteuse on Tue, 15 Apr 2008 01:54:00 PST

Assvertisement

I thought the age of Assvertisement was over. I thought the era of "ABERCROMBIE" (or some non sequitur like "TATTOO") plastered on the arse of teens' sweats had disappeared from the annals (no p...
Posted by The Raconteuse on Wed, 23 Jan 2008 10:10:00 PST