First and formost, I do not like to smell other dogs ass. Though I am a dog, and do posses the utmost sensitive nose, I like to whif more pleasent aromas such as tulips, burnt toast, and the occasional French cognac. Many of you who wrote have asked about my attire. Though it is a dress suited for the ladies, the feel of the pure Egyptian cotton dress pleasently tickling my tush, brings a warm smile to my face. Besides, I feel rather debonair wearing it. I have to thank my lovely German tailor "Hans" for custom fitting the dress for me. I feel I am a simple creature. I do not like to be scratched on the tummy, nor petted behind the ears. I do not wag my tail for scraps nor lift my leg to whiz. Notice the biped mobility. This should speak for itself. However, I am a sucker for French poodle ladies and female Lithuanian body builders. I have been known to convulse at the sight of bare chiseled Lithuanian deltoids. I also happen to think the Buddha would have been a world champ wrestler.
Recently I went on a mission which lead me President Bush. Upon his suggestion, I became invovled in the mess we call terrorism and found myself in combat with the head terrorist leader. This mission led me to the remote corners of the desert world in the middle east. I learned a great deal from the locals in this region. I found the terrorist leader and brought him into custody. Though the mission was a success, and I was rewarded for it, I feel as though I should be feeling something other than what I do now. This mission caught the attention of two crazed artist who decided to write about my adventure. Though I am honored, I have to say to the both of you ''STOP DIGGING THOUGH MY GODDAM GARBAGE!!'' As for the rest, you can read about my adventure in their book "Schnook's War on Terrorism". Apperently these wackos are trying to make money off my ass. The book is avaialable for 16.89.HTML Code
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