Welcome to The Diner, a friendly place for friendly people who love meat loaf, fried chicken, meat loaf on a stick and also meat loaf. Additionally, our menu features a fine, if limited, selection of vegetables – we hope you love turnips as much as we do! Please seat yourself, and a server will be with you in 20 or 30 minutes. Wendy, your waitress, is sexy, witty and smart, with a variety of super powers and a love of Irish coffee. William, your waiter, is a lecherous, wisecracking perv with a penchant for off-color puns. Juanita the Cook is an ex-carny and wrestling school graduate; she also sports a mysterious eye patch (for reasons no one can fathom) and has no qualms about putting you in a half-nelson if you send your food back. Mark is our studly, if not terribly bright, maintenance man; he carries a gun, but he only shoots rats with it, and, all in all, he'd rather be watching "All My Children." Candi the Diner Singer – well, we don’t know who she is, no one actually hired her, but she shows up every day anyway, sits on a piano stool and sings along to whatever’s on the radio – often while wearing headphones. Candi also disposes of the occasional corpse when necessary. And, finally, we urge you to AVOID Owen the Owner, who thinks he’s a soul brotha who's smooth with the ladies. If Owen tries to speak to you, it’s probably best to pretend no one is there. Thank you, enjoy your meal and please come again! (Shut up, William. We don’t mean it like THAT.){}
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