The No Cooper Story

A jazz-folk band by nature, No Cooper have been described as "one of the most crucial electronica acts of all time". It's been a topsy turvy few years for the No Cooper boys since their conception in '94, so here's the blow by blow run down of how No Cooper became the behemoth that they are now:
Biography written by Keith Bonusstage (below), a friend of the band.
In The Beginning...
It was the summer of 1992 and Kenneth Hansen was absolutely in love with model railways. His hobby later became an obsession, and would ultimately lead to his downfall. Kenneth was imprisoned for 6 years for stealing an estimated 6 miles of Hornby 00 guage model train track. Kenneth was appalled at his harsh sentence, but the judge insisted that his jail time should be proportional to the length of the track he stole.
While serving his time in a high security prison Kenneth decided to learn bass, and after only 3 months of practising, had completely mastered tracks such as "Tribal Dance" by 2Unlimited and "Respect Yourself - Extended Dance Mix" by Bruce Willis.
In late 1993 Spagger Williams was convicted of "compound indecent exposure", and joined Kenneth in prison. They struck off a strong relationship fueled by their mutual love for WWF wrestling, and decided to start a band when Spagger remembered he was a skilled classical guitarist. Initially Kenneth would sing in an opera style, but after a tragic wrestling accident in which he severed his voice box, the band decided to go instrumental. Some critics argue that this was beneficial to the band, as most of Kenneth's lyrics were deeply racist.
While they wrote some cracking tunes, the boy always dreamed of "beefing up" their sound by adding more bass players. It wouldn't be until mid 1994, when both men were sent home early for bad behaviour, that this dream would become a reality.
Life After Prison
A short time after his release, Spagger was involved in more indecent exposure, but managed to escape jail, and did 40 hours community service instead. Spagger was appalled at this harsh sentence, but the judge insisted that his community service time should be equal to the ammount of hours for which he had his cock out in public. It was during this time that Spagger met Trabs, who was serving punishment for similar offences.
Trabs had no experience playing bass, but picked it up quickly. Initially Trabs couldn't afford a bass, so him and Kenneth would have to use the same guitar simultaneously, each playing different strings. This was somewhat inconvinient and drove Kenneth mad, but Trabs insisted it "sounded awesome". After 4 punch-ups Trabs got his own bass.
The three piece line up got some material together, and took part in some low-key gigs including kid's parties, weddings, and the opening of "Costcutter" in Eaglestone. The band were well practiced and the gigs went well, but the crowd just weren't happy. Shouts of "more bass" and "fuck off you treble merchants" haunted the boys, and decisive action had to be taken.
Bassed Over The Limits
The constant taunts and bashings in the press gave rise to some serious unrest in the band, and at one point Trabs nearly left because he was "sick of this shit, and making a packet drag racing anyway". It was all looking very grim for No Cooper, but the boys managed to keep morale high and play a gig with a new band on the scene, "Full Issue". Full Issue consisted of only Ninja (a bass player) and Hans (a synth bass player), but No Cooper were totally absolutely blown away by their sound and got on with them brilliantly. Kenneth asked them to join the band immediately and they were more than happy to. Now with 3 bass players and 1 synth bass player, No Cooper had broken free from their treble laden past, and could go on to make the beautiful music that they produce today.

Discography

Artist : Spagger
Name : Spagger's Incompleteness Theorem
Year : 2003
Info : Unreleased (Never finished)
Artist : Kenneth/No Cooper
Name : World Famous No Cooper Mixtape Vol. 1
Cover art : Spagger
Year : 2000
Info : 12 smooth cuts mixed by Kenneth on a bus using only one deck and an FM radio while travelling to Stoke for a family holiday.
Artist : No Cooper
Name : Ein Reich, Ein Volk, Ein Cooper
Cover art : Spagger
Year : 1999
Info : Banned in 40 countries
Artist : No Cooper
Name : No Cooper
Cover art : (No cover)
Year : 1997
Info : The infamous debut featuring an acid fueled 2 hour bass solo by Trabs.