Aisle Six

Aisle Six was spawned from a song about poop. The legend goes that Sam and Matt, two chums who shared a common interest in music, joined forces one day at Matt's house to record two absolutely retarded joke songs. One was called "The Ballad of Suzy", a heavy metal song about determination, science tests, and jump roping. The second was the infamous "Pooping In The Springtime", a ska song about its title. These two silly little children were so amused with their results that they decided to form a band. Matt had been playing with both Tj and Jake for awhile, so they became Aisle Six. MAtt CAIN joined the lineup as bass player in September of 2005. The group's sound has since moved on from the crap-laden lyricism and three-chord ska songs and is growing continually ambitious and determined to make music that will rock your socks off.Remember?+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Sa mthrust's tale+++++++++++++++++++++ " I sit here, glued to the screen, punchin these keys. Were amongst the first words Samthrust said when he was created. He had been born to the goddess of the mermaids and Melvin, the towns fat guy. Samthrust had just begun his studies as an aquatic mammalian acupuncturist, running around in crappy diapers, pretending to be a rock star, when he was faced with a stunning challenge. He was forced to wander through 13th century England, so he could find the magic elixir. He there, met a man named Patrick, who was on the same quest. Patrick was the son of a sheep farmist, who needed the elixir for his dying sheep. Needless to say, only one of them could have the elixir. So Samthrust and Patrick squared off. Patrick attacked samthrust with his level 4 ultra wizard card, but Samthrust countered with his bloated cephalopod, leaving 10 damage and a devastating blow to Patrick. Patrick now knew it was on, and that hed have to break out the heavy artillery. Patrick charged at samthrust with all his might screaming, DONT PLAY WITH MY SAUCE, DONT PLAY WITH MY SAUCE! which to this day nobody can define, or even give some translation of this ancient tongue. Samthrust had to act quickly and he leapt into action. He grabbed from his utility belt a small pickaxe and a bottle of silly string. He unleashed the silly string all over the ground, and from the mess raised a 60 dragon, with its green majesty towering above even the highest THATCH ROOFED COTTAGES! THATCH ROOFED COTTAGES! And Patrick saw the dragon. And the dragon saw Patrick, and they dueled until the nights grew nigh. But in the end of it all, Patrick rose victorious, and he pondered what to do next. Patrick was so happy, so very happy, when suddenly his life was maliciously ended by the piercing scream a man makes when samthrust thrusted Sams pickaxe into Patricks right temple. You must be rankin some phony pits, youre just a fat slob with hairy bologna tits! scoffed Samthrust. Samthrust, or wild-eyed frank, as the natives call him, was a peaceful child, who enjoyed the luge and practicing the ancient folk art of painting human sternums. He was an avid basketball player until that one fateful morning, when his brand new basket ball was so terribly crushed by the blinding force of an 18-wheeled dog food truck carrying unborn fetuses to the puppy kennel. By the age of 13, he had written many short epic poems, including but not limited to the Attack of the Stallions Medallions, Marcys undersides dont have a Chance, Nectar of Apes, the Waffle and the Drill Press in Love, and The Complete Idiots Guide to Algebra. His musical influences include Godsmack, Coolio, Boy George, and R.E.O. Speedwagon. Before he joined Aisle six, he was in an array of less successful, and well, good bands, including Bill and the Fuzz-Cuddlers, The Benny Goodman Bluegrass quintet, and Suzie is Funnier Now that shes Dead, with their single, Love is a Passion barely making the charts. When asked what Samthrust hoped to accomplish, he simply and boldly responded, I would really like to see myself in the field of Chinese economics, because I see china becoming even more of a global power than it already is today, and I would also like to see Judge Judy in real life. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++___________ ______________________________________________________++++++ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Matt Cain's Tale:+++++++++++++Matthew Cain was brought into this world by accident when his mother, Martha Cain, got punched in the stomach in a fistfight near his home in The Indian Ocean. He lived on a houseboat for the first 4 years of his life, eating seagulls and learning to knit sweaters out of body hair. His mother was a Kangaroo, and got into many fistfights. Everyone thought it was strange that a Kangaroo gave birth to a human but, wellyou knowOne day, a waitress confronted Matthew's mother for not leaving a tip. Martha then proceeded to give the waitress a knucky samwich. The waitress union did not take kindly to this and proceeded to give Matt's Mum a knucky Sandwich in return (with extra mayoget it? Cuz they are waitresses?) Anyways, The punch that was meant for Matt's mummy's face hit her strait in the gut. Now Matt's Mu'um was already 9 business days pregnant. So she kinda squirted him right out onto the floor. It was a big mess. There were people slipping and sliding all over the floor. The smell of unsnipped belly buttons and pacifiers filled the air. It was then, that Matt, the kangaroo fetus that he was, learned to rock harder than none other before him.Cloud (yes cloud from FF7) walked right up to Matt and said in a kickass limit break voice Show me your thumb if you're really dumb. Matthew did as he was told. Cloud then omni-slashed the bujeezus out of Matt Cain's thumb. He then grew from his thumb a giant Caulis, which he used to pound thunder through the ears of his listeners (and viewers). He learned every song ever in existence and sometimes even rocked so hard, girls would skin themselves and throw up fleshy exoskeletons at him on stage. It was gross------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++++++++++++++==//../../../../../../../../../../../.. /../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../../.. /../../../../../../../../../../../../----------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------================================================ ====================================================()()()() ()()()()()()()()()()()()(Teej's Bio)()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()== FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG G..............In the beginning, there was Rock. And without a soul to control this rock, God was unable to contain the flaming hot dog vendors and Decepticons rampaging in the highways and byways that stitch this crazy quilt of a world together. And on one, fateful night, God came to T.J., keeper of all things hardcore, and bellowed from his mighty lungs.. "T.J., with your drumming so hype, wont you save the rock tonight?" and with that, T.J., and his mighty steed, "Penelope" Facemeltingly drove their respective motorcycles off into the center of the sun, spreading glory-dust and reforming a once chaotic planet into a planet that was free to rock as it chose.. Some say T.J. still exists, dibbling and dabbling with bands such as "Aisle Six", or "Gravy Rocket Plus".. some say he's still living in the middle of the sun with "Spinal Tap".. and some even say he's gone forever.. one thing's for sure though, Rock has forever been graced by this almighty overlord of extremities, righteousness, and badassitude..P.S. Send love to Mammy and the kids!P.S.S. 54 lock LFG ZF---------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------======================= ============================================================ =================()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()(Teej's Bio)()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()== FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG G+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Jake was brought to life when George O'Leary, Daunte Culpepper, Knightro, and T-Bone decided that this world needed something new, fresh if you will. He appeared as the terminator does in those crazy movies with the lightening sphere, except instead of being naked he was in full armor. For many years, his mom and father (the Joseph and Mary of this situation) hid him from his true knight powers and overall need to groove. Jake, considering hes the project of George became the number one knight when he found the great and mighty UCF, but this was not not the only good to come from this discovery! This mighty knight saw what is now known as the Marching knights and knew he was born to rock. So now he also found his love to groove, and in fact, he was so groovy that his overal funk led to him being dubbed "The Compton Computa" by many of todays hit hip hop playas. Even though he could jazz/groove like it twas no ones buisness, he is still learning the art of drumming (mostly triplets) from his idle Tyler "T-Bone" Burleson. As far as bands go, Jake hit it big with bands such as Funk Expressway and Fall Out Boy, and with this succes the very prestiges Aisle Six offered him the job. Just recently he was fired for lying on his resume (with correct accents) such as George was with Notre Dame, and also like George he found hapiness being brought back into A6 like George finding UCF!