Dallas profile picture

Dallas

Underestimate me, I dare you.

About Me

I just folded some laundry. I want to go snowboarding. I'd write more but who actually spends time reading this stuff? Here...I'll make something up just in case there's somebody out there with nothing better to do. I saved the world once, from an evil piece of lettuce, that's right, lettuce. You see it all started back in 1852 when Thomas Edison created a machine that could travel back in time, yup, it really happened, the machine never got popular because it only traveled back about 4 and a half seconds and it took five minutes to travel back the four seconds, so, I mean you do the math... it was a piece of shit. Anyways, the machine was powered by carbon based material that was easy to break down, lettuce was ideal of course (urine worked too but that's just gross) so anyways on one of the time jumps a piece of lettuce fell out of the machine while they were in what is called "hyper diastolic ministerial mode" umm in english it's basically just while there wrapped in white light moving through time. So anyways this lettuce fell out. Well, it spent 100,000,000 years floating through this whiteness, while it floated it slowly became aware of itself and began to question it's existence, eventually remembering how it got where it was. Mr. Lettuce never wrote a memoir but scholars believe that he started to go insane with hatred blaming humans for his pathetic, wandering, lost existence and plotted a way to destroy us, once his plot was complete he spent the next 50,000 years figuring out how to escape limbo. Well, he did escape, and he ended up here in Portland, just as he had planned. He set up a network of psychotic right winged religious fanatics (most of us call them Baptist Christians but in secret they call themselves lettucinians) to do his bidding His plan was simple, The lettucinians and himself were going to stab every living person on the planet in the kidneys and the larynx then he would pee on us until we died. Well his hideout was right next door to my house and he always talked on his cell phone outside really loud so I was able to piece this all together...so what did I do, I went over, knocked on his door, and when he answered, I ate him. True story, that how I saved the world. I bet you wished you had stopped reading up at the top huh? Ahhh well, to late now.
I edited my profile with my amazing mental powers

My Interests

Watching the news until I end up screaming at the anchors about how they do their job worse than anyone in history and that they are contributing to the downfall of western society by feeding us one-sided lies. Generally it takes about 45 seconds. Then I play some super Nintendo or play guitar. If it's winter all I do is snowboard.

I'd like to meet:

Lots of Zombies because you can't shoot real people.

Music:

Yes

Movies:

I saw this movie called Liar Liar and the message was, don't lie. And that was a smart movie.

At this point, you might be asking yourself, 'why am I holding this 30lb. Cinder block in my hands? You might also ask yourself, 'why does this cinder block have a long piece of string tied to it? And finally, why is the other end of this string tied securely to my penis?

Danny, put another round in that woman over there! Look! She's a twitcher!

So cold...can't move...can't feel...can't make complete sentences.

Television:

Futurama and The Office.

Books:

The Gunslinger series. The Song of Ice and Fire, The Coldfire Trilogy, Dantes Inferno, WOT, and Harry Potter.

Heroes:

Whoever stabs Ryan Seacrest in the face first wins this title, you have to say "Seacrest out mutha fucker" while you do it.

My Blog

Things that are going to change

So as my time here in NC is counting down I'm kinda going over all of the things that have been ratteling through my head for the last 5 months. I've had alot of time to think TOO MUCH time to think r...
Posted by Dallas on Mon, 04 Aug 2008 12:26:00 PST

WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!

So today I found an add in the paper that said they needed a large group of laborers in a local hotel to work 5 ten hour days for $500 so I printed out a resume, put on my spiffy shirt and my slackies...
Posted by Dallas on Tue, 29 Jul 2008 10:13:00 PST

Sex, Politics, Murder, Music and MYSTERY!?!?

Read my other blog first, they're unrelated but I want feedback.I should say that this most likely isn't going to be about any of the things in the title I just like it when people read these so I mad...
Posted by Dallas on Thu, 05 Jun 2008 09:58:00 PST

Prayer of the Atheist

Before I start I'd like to say a few words about the things I choose not to believe I don't believe that crosses solve problems, or that people that make mistakes go to hell. I will never believe ...
Posted by Dallas on Wed, 14 May 2008 12:28:00 PST