"LB"

I am a dynamic figure. I am known as Lorenzo, Brother Bear, Dolphin, Pirate Pilot, and Black Hawk down. I get confused with being Haitian, Brazilian, Hawaiian, Mexican, Peruvian, Cuban, Latino, and North Pole-ish. I'm often seen scaling cubicles and crushing ice in the DTC. I have been known to remodel light rail stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row just cause. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike bullet wound scars. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed. I cook loco moco’s and 30 minute brownies in 20 minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru and Pueblo. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, and my favorite movie is Good Will Hunting. I was scouted by the Mets. The Berthoud boys and I are topic matter of numerous ..aries. When I’m bored my roommate the “spitting lama” and I build large suspension bridges in our yard, and try to shatter our heel bones doing rail slides. I enjoy urban hang gliding too. My occupation is a combination of an abstract artist, concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy and nickelroy evening wear. I lost my wallet in El Segundo and Tribe Called Quest wrote a song about it. I’m a private citizen of Gillette Wyoming, yet I still receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine on 98.9 Magic FM and have won the weekend passes to the champagne room on the Air Force Academy. My green thumb floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles and also made the DEA charge me with 3 felonies in 2003. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once woke up in hotel Rwanda to heavy petting. I know the exact location of a Silverback Alpha Male Gorilla in the burbs of Highlands Ranch. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA via the Play station III. I was awarded the Purple Heart in the city limits of Denver in 2005 for outstanding resistance to small arms. I own a BMX bike and when I cruise down the street I feel like taking off with ET. The laws of physics do not apply to us, he’s outta this world. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago Dr. Twann discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only bacon. I breed prizewinning J-Hawks that have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I like to drink margaritas in a full metal jacket, and body bowl at AA on Thursdays. I have found that air guitar sounds best when you’re at least a mile above sea level roof top-fishing. My friend Marge owns a tattoo parlor to go, she loves to scratch and sniff sharpies. My new favorite place on the planet is the Rock Bar on E. Colfax in Denver. Some think it’s a dump, but I believe it’s a majestical place. Oh yeah, before I forget Simon says to go fuck yourself! Say no to buger sugar and yes to hippie cabbage. PS. My cousin is the “King” at Burger King and gets free Whoppers with cheese all the time. He can do one bitch'n endzone dance celebration.