A.I.M. = ASGNJYYJFSYour results:
You are The Flash
The Flash 95%
Hulk 60%
Green Lantern 60%
Supergirl 55%
Spider-Man 50%
Superman 50%
Robin 45%
Wonder Woman 40%
Catwoman 40%
Iron Man 40%
Batman 25% Fast, athletic and flirtatious.
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz
If you read all these you must be really fuckin bored or you love me. haha Quote time bitches:
1. "You'll never know how far you can walk until you spread your wings and try to fly."
2. "If you don't learn your history you'll repeat the mistakes of the past."
3. "Except responsibility for what I've done but not for who I am."
4. "Life's a shit sandwich, the more bread you have the less shit you have to eat and school's a whole lot of shit."
5. "?"
6. "It's not littering if its money cuz someone's gonna pick it up."
7. "The time you waste is lost forever."
8. "I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like victory."
9. "Life's short, don't be a dick."
10. "Its not what you know, its who you know. Fight on!"
11. "There's no point in looking back. Fuck no not today, thank you kindly."
12. "Its easier to ask for forgiveness then permission."
13. "The only thing worse then being talked about is not being talked about."
14. "I'm not competitive I just don't like to lose."
15. "There's a war on drugs and the ones one drugs are winning."
16. "Never do anything like anyone else. Find your own way . . . Be one of a kind!"
17. "Please don't drink and drive because you might spill your drink."
18. "M.t.v. is to music as KFC is to chicken."
19. "Born to lose and destined to fail."
20. "The best birthday present I've ever received was being remembered, thanks you guys."
21. "........ just another freak, in the freak kingdom."
22. "I don't care what you think unless its about me."
23. "Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most."
24. "Time does not heal all wounds, it just patches it up like a wet band-aid, but talking about it usually does."
25. "When asking someone for a ride home, you must first know how to get there."
26. "To prevent a hang over, keep drinking."
27. "So why don't we go somewhere only we know."
28. "You get what you put in and people get what they deserve."
29. "Don't drink and drive, smoke bud and float home."
30. "If at first you don't succeed persistent is key."
31. "If Bob jumped off a bridge would you? How high's the bridge?"
32. "Teach a man to fish and feed him for life, give him a fish and you've got stinky hands for a week."
34. "Make love not war, hit the bed not the floor."
35. "I fought the law and I won."
36. "When ignorance reigns life is lost."
37. "The ones that tell you to give love another chance will be the same ones that prove to you it doesn't work."
38. "It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and we're all out of bubble gum."
39. "Wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which one fills up first."
40. "Kill a commy for your mommy."
41. "Appeasement only makes the aggressor more aggressive."
42. "You're too young for me, but I can keep a secret."
43. "Mullets: Business in the front, party in the back."
44. "What I do is no ones business but me."
45. "You know, it was fun .............. till I hit the ground. And I'd do it all over again."
46. "I don't see this as an award but as undeniable proof that I am a bad ass mother fucker." Jim Carry
47. "Love forever love is free Lets turn forever you and me."
48. "They're all sluts kid, get used to it."
49. "Being in first place by default is worse then being last."
50. "I wish I knew then what I know now."
51. "You just gotta keep on keepin on."
52. "If you're bored then you're boring."
53. "Mans advantage over the phoenix is his ability to recognize when he has made a mistake, so that eventually he will learn not to repeat it."
54. "Stupid Hurts."
55. "It's better to have quality over quantity."
56. "You've got my back then I've got yours."
57. "Isn't she pretty in Pink?"
58. "I'll love you always and always the same."
59. "I'm not crazy, I'm just bored."
60. "How fast would you move if you couldn't see? Poor Gus."
61. "This is your life, and its ending one minute at a time."
62. "On a long enough time line the survival rate for everyone drops to zero."
63. "You know it could be worse, a women could have cut off your penis and thrown it out the window of a moving car."
64. "For what it's worth it was worth all the while."
65. "If you wanna make an omelet you gotta crack some eggs."
66. "It's only after you've lost everything that you're truly free to do anything."
67. "Why'd you sell it to me? Because you gave me money...... Dumbass."
68. "The things you own end up owning you."
69. "Not a jealous man but females lie, but I guess that's just what sluts do."
70. "How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?"
71. "I am Jacks smirking revenge."
72. "Self improvement is masturbation."
73. "Myspace is the past time of a wasted life."
74. "The bitter makes the sweet just that much sweeter."
75. "I am Jacks wasted life."
76. "Texas: If you kill someone here we'll kill you back."
77. "Keep your mind on the shit you want and keep it off the fucking shit you don't."
78. "I'm the one who plays by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters."
79. "You're a slave to the money, then you die."
80. "WARNING: Look out for rock mites ................. they're reall assholes."
81. "You can plan a pretty pick-nik but you can't predict the weather."
82. "Float like a leaf down the river of life, and kill the bitch."
83. "I must say you are the best single serving friend I've ever had."
84. "You come to me because I throw you the ball, you're such a tool."
85. "I speak only two languages: 1. English 2. Bad English."
86. "Sometimes life can only really begin with the knowledge of death."
87. "The more you study the more you forget, the more you forget the less you learn, the less you learn the less you know. So why study?"
88. "You know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it. haha"
89. "T.V. is literature for the illiterate."
90. "God can't give you everything, that takes all the life out of living."
91. "You know what I always so, safety third."
92. "My studies show that road rage is hereditary."
93. "Motivation for everyone: If you have a goal you might not reach it, but if you don't then you'll never disappoint."
94. "One man, standing against madness, kindles anew the sparks of freedom and elevates the spirit of Man. How can we not stand with him?"
95. "I didn't climb to the top of the food chain just to eat carrots."
96. "Why am I in this hand basket and where the hell are we going?"
97. "My subconscious knows something I don't."
98. "Track and field isn't really a sport. It's like scraps from other sports all rolled up into one."
99. "I hate money so much that as soon as I get it I spend it. Bad habits."
100. "Holey hell, I never thought I'd get this far. Did you?"
101. "Give war a chance."
102. "Guns cause crime like fly’s cause trash."
103. "I'm my own biggest obstacle."
104. "There are no stupid questions only stupid people."
105. "When you come home drunk the stairs are no longer a struggle but an adventure."
106. "You lie so much you believe yourself."
107. "If your gonna be dumb you gotta be tough."
108. "I'm so happy I could shit."
109. "She's armed, and fucken nuts!"
110. "You fall many times in your life but you're never a failure if you get back up."
111. "Do you still have to look both ways when you cross a one way street?"
112. "I may not be the best looking guy in here, but Im the only one talking to you. hahaha"
113. "Self improvement is masturbation and self destruction is the answer."
114. "What can I say, these things happen."
115. "It's not that the wind is blowin, its what the wind is blowin."
116. "Heavily medicated and very dedicated."
117. "She's pretty much koo koo for CoCo Puffs."
118. "I'm not walking into the bushes there getting in my way."
119. "Maybe if you lowered your standards you'd get laid more often."
120. "Everything's good when taken in moderation."
121. "There's no school like old school."
122. "I think we should Fox-trot Uniform Charlie Kilo."
123. "When school starts I often find myself doing shit that I have to do instead of shit that I want to do. I fucking hate school, goodnight."
124. "Fuck you Jessie Jackson for trying to make me guilty of being white."
125. "I create the bodies I don't erase the bodies."
126. "Nothing good happens without a lot of hard work and a certain amount of pain."
127. "Well that's a pisser. 10 years of dedication and its all over in a blink of an eye."
128. "You know how some people went to college? Well he went to a skate park."
129. "You're nucking futs you fucking psycho."
130. "The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for."
131. "Dress like Halloween and the gools will come to you."
132. "Don't be a fool, wrap your tool."
133. "Pretty from far but far from pretty."
134. "I must have done some fucked up shit to deserve this kind of a year. Fuck the year of 05, I've given up on it."
135. "It could be that the purpose of your life is only to sever as a warning to others."
136. "With equal rights comes equal responsibility, so get a fuckin job. hahaha"
137. "Everyone falls down but only the best get back up and make the play."
138. "If only we had a time machine."
137. "Lets do the get the hell away from me slide."
138. "Sleeping by yourself tonight can make you feel alone my girlfriend said so she's a little hoe." ..
140. "You can build a thousand bridges and suck one dick and you'll be known as Tom the cock sucker and not Tom the bridge builder."
141. "Idle hands are the devils playthings."
142. "Wish in one hand and shit in the other, see which one fills up first."
143. "Victory by default is worse then a lose when you gave your all."
144. "Since when did atheist become activists?"
145. "Like a midget at a urinal I'm gonna have to stay on my toes."
146. "In order to finish first you must first finish."
147. "Myspace is the past time of a wasted youth."
148. "I'm pretty sure I'm done with putting up quotes so say by bye."
149. "Even god has a sense of humor, I mean look at the platypus."
150. "Its not a big deal until you make it a big deal."
151. "If you never know what you want you'll get a lot of what you don't."
152. "Its days like these that remind me life’s not so bad. hahaha."
153. "The weed's in the gargoyle."
154. "Everything you can ever accomplish will end up as trash."
155. "Anything you're ever proud of will be thrown away."
156. "Loosing all hope is freedom."
157. "I'm the little warm center that the life of the world crowds around."
158. "Quit asking questions and just enjoy."
159. "This is your life good to the last drop. This is your life, and its ending one minute at a time."
160. "We are the middle children of history, raised by television to believe that someday we'll be millionaires and movie stars and rock stars, but we won't. And we're just learning this fact." Tyler said. "So don't fuck with us."
161. "One minute you're the warm center that the life of the world crowded around, and the next moment, you're an object. The amazing miracle of death."
162. "Destroy something beautiful."
163. "There are worse things you can do to the ones we love then kill them."
164. "If everyone died then who buried em?"
165. "It's not my fault but I'll always be the one that the girlfriend cheats on there boyfriend with and never actually be the real boyfriend. It kinda sucks but then I just say fuck it, and life goes on."
166. "you call me sexy cuz you like my body but you don't won't to have sex with me. when sex is a physical act. and sexy is a physical feature. why is that, it doesn't make sense?"(rhetorical question don't answer it please, I know the answer already)
167. "Her good is so good that I can justify all bad."
168. "I'm gonna surf the hammock."
169. "That would be like me giving John a hand-job. *shivers*"
170. "Tomb Stone Heading: Fucker died on Christmas."
171. "When the fuck did we get ice cream?"
172. "There's always a chance you can die in the middle of your life story, so make every moment an unforgettable one."
173. "The wheels on the [drunk] bus go round and ruond, rnuod and ronud........"
174. "Are you determined to be unhappy?"
175. "People use telephones because they hate being close together and they're too scared of being alone."
176. "Hey, my hands are numb and I can't see straight, I think I need another drink."
177. "That shit was fuckin redonculis!!!"
178. "You know someone can give you a pile of mashed potatoes and mash the gravy in all gravyish 3000 times and you'll never appreciate it until the day that doesn't come."
179. "Etiquette 101. The proper way to eat a lamb chop: Pick up the lamb chop with your teeth and shake your head vigorously, side to side. Repeat."
180. "The first time you meet that someone special, you can count on them one day being dead and in the ground."
181."I can't dance, its against my religion, I'm Creedish for the night."
182. "If I were to say, 'This town will return to being a vanilla town.' I would be shunned for being racist. But if a black mayor says, 'This town will return to being a chocolate town.' he is praised. That shit doesn't make any sense, but its true."
183. "As you get older you get shorter of breath and you're one day closer to death."
184. "IF you can't say FUCK then you can't say FUCK THE GOVERNMENT. And, well, that would just suck."
185. "Back to the usual routine: You find what you want. You grab it and make it your own. After you've had it, you throw it away. And that's that."
186. "You can't find nothin at all if there was nothin there all along."
187. "Blondes have more fun, but they also have more VD's."
188. "Have you noticed that when you're driving everyone going slower then you is an idiot?"
189. "Along with an epic journey, a pointless one also starts with a single step."
190. "You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To live or to die. Choose well."
191. "Every time I say shoot instead of shit an angel earns its wings."
192. "A drunk girls actions is a sober girls thought. Or so I've been told."
193. "Everyone wants someone to need them home at night. Someone to keep them from living alone."
194. "I don't worry about nothin because worryings a waste of my time."
195. "My dog Guss knew how to play ball with himself. My dog Guss had a harmless hump above his tail. My dog Guss was blind as fuck. My dog Guss was 136 years old in dog years. My dog Guss was a trooper. My dog Guss is dead. Feb. 4, 2006. R.I.P. Little Buddy."
196. "So did you wear underwear tonight or did you come prepared?"
197. "You're a teenager. Are you gonna drink? Yea. Are you gonna smoke a little? Sure. Are you gonna do dumb stuff? Of course. Just don't get caught doin it."
198. "Just because you have feathers in your butt it doesn't make you a chicken."
199. "You can be a football star for four years and then have one bottle of Vodka your friend left in your truck one day and you'll forever be known as the drunk instead of the football player. Fuck you guys."
200. "You're mine and suddenly I'm yours. ♥ "
201. "T-shirt ideas; Front: Christians Against Foul Language. Back: Can Fuck Off." lmao
202. "Alright you alien assholes...in the words of my generation, UP YOURS!"
203. "Kick em in the balls, kick em in the balls its the only why to get em off."
204. "No no. They fight over the black ones."
205. "All I have to say is fuck Mesa's asinine, piece of shit, worthless administration. Except a selected few security guards and teachers."
206. "The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised."
207. Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way
208. Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
209. You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then the one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
210. The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
And shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
211. The time is gone the song is over, thought I'd something more to say
Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
212. When I come home cold and tired
It's good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away, across the field, tolling on the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
And hear the softly spoken magic spell
214. "If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions."
215. "So pretty please. With sugar on top. Clean the fuckin car." 216. "Its like sex, I love it but I'm really bad at it."
217. "Dude, I hit every green light on the way home. Or I hope I did. Cuz I don't remember stopin."
218. You can't spell manslaughter without laughter."
219. " S h i t r o l l s d o w n h i l l. "
220. "You know, if you just called rape 'surprise sex' it wouldn't sound so bad."
221.
"Worker bees can leave
Even drones can fly away
The queen is their slave"
223. "Ron White's right, you can't fix stupid."
224. "I'm starved. Reply: No YOU'RE fat, you should try starving."
225. "Excuse me, but you're really ugly. Sooooooo I was wondering if, maybe, you could come back in a few beers?"
226. "My ass was swollen for two weeks. I never saw you, but you violated me, you bastard jellyfish."
227. "Pam, you're from Canada but those titts were made in America."
228. "Where'd mom go? She went out to shit and the hogs ate her."
229. "The best part of the movie is when the beaver shot the elf."
230. "Just because you spend most of your time in the missionary position, doesn't make you a missionary."
231. "If they're deleted scenes then why are they still there."
232. "I would rather have my teeth drilled everyday for the rest of my life through my rectum then get married to you."
233. "As I walked through the woods, I looked up and saw a squirrel. I smiled and he smiled. At least I think it was a smile. My teeth were showing and my cheeks were pulled up. That's a smile, isn't it? (The squirrel was definitely smiling.)
234. "Listen to the old Asian lady. For she is wise."
235. "There’s more to the picture then what meets the eye."
236. "Why is it that no one cares about the tuna that are caught in the tuna net? Why is it that the dolphins are the only ones any one cares about huh? fuckin dolphins. *shakes fist*"
237. "They aren't drugs, they're chemical enhancements."
238. "It's either the door's fuckin open or fuckin closed."
239. "If peeing your pants is cool consider me Myles Davis."
240. "I'll tell you who did it. It was that damn Sasquoch."
241. "You're so ugly I wouldn't fuck you with someone else’s dick."
242.
"Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country from whose bourn
No traveler returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to other that we know not of?"
Fuckin Shakespeare
244. "If you build it they won't come."
245. "It a new type of music. It's a fusion of Jazz and Funk it's called 'Junk'."
246. "We made a machine to pick cotton, we can make a machine to pick strawberries."
247. "Hey kid you like candy? Get in the fuckin van!"
248. "Next time you have a thought, let it go."
249. "Harold Hunter, Legends never die."
250. "I think I'm gonna smoke this pop-corn. Where's the lighter at dude?"
251. "Lying is the most fun she can have with her clothes on."
252. "Oh yea? Well I jumped off of it twice ......... naked."
253. "This gun made me feel like more of a man, but I guess having big genitals makes up for it."
254. "Next time park where you Live. How bout next time you suck my BALLS you fuckin BITCH?"
255. "Well shut me up and shit me out!", said the red neck that delivers the dirt."
256. "Who let these fat, gorilla, monkey mouf bitches in my room?"
257. "When you're hungry the food channel looks like porn."
258. "What a way to go then to have no fear."
259. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."
260. "He needs a bib."
261. "It's a goose gun. Does that mean its good? Not if you're a goose."
262. "Go pet the mouse kid."
263. "You are about ten hairs away from being a baboon."
264. "Sometimes during an election all you have to choose from is two bowls of shit. I guess you just have to just choose the one that smells better."
265. "They say only two things fall from the sky, fools and bird-shit." 266. "Fuck with me and you'll only be living on barrowed time
267. "OMG, I'm gonna piss my skirt." brought to you in part by Mandapanda
268. "I live in a motor home, so I'm pretty mobile."
269. "Hey Tyler how ya been? I haven't seen you since .......the last time I saw you."
270. "The bass sets off my bio-rythm. Please excuse me while I proceed to the nearest lavatory."
271. "It makes my dukey twinkle man."
272. "For lack of a better word my daughters kinda ....... dumb."
273. "John got so damn lucky. If it were me I'd have a dick in my ass this very second."
274. "One family's broke stroller is one teenagers solution to boredom."
275. "She says she's no good, with words, but I'm worse."
276. "Shake the limb and the nuts will fall."
277. "I'm not being superficial , I'm being fashionable."
278. "You know, you look best naked or in a dress and I just so happen to not have a dress in my room if you'd like to check it out."
279. "The dark side of ambition."
280. "You are living proof that a horses ass doesn't have to be connected ot a horse."
281. "How exactly does someone go about "riding dirty?"
282. "Good tattoos ain't cheap, and cheap tattoos ain't good."
283. "The 'Top 16' is for those who are very indecisive."
284. "I wish for this, I wish for that, I wish I could hump that cat."
285. "Did you know marriage is punishment for shop lifting in some countries."
286. "Confucius says: Your first offer should be one that you are ashamed of."
287. "Stop, drop and roll doesn't work in hell."
288. "Seize the day after tomorrow."
289. "The bible is like those long disclaimers on porn websites. You never really read the whole thing, you just scroll down and say 'I agree.'"
290. "God's the only one who can help you now, but I don't think he wants to."
291. "The last words of pilots on 80% of all black boxes in aircraft is 'oh shit.'"
292. "You can paint a pumpkin black, but that doesn't make it a bowling ball."
293. "What's your return policy? How about if you come back I'll fucking stab you."
294. "A closed mouth gathers no foot."
295. "You think I have a god complex? I am god, Muahahahahah!!!!!!!"
296. "Clean knowledge is naked power."
297. "Roll on brotha."
298. "Look out, the cucumber's comin through."
299. "Rodney Mullen skates better then you do anything in your life. I can breath pretty well."
300. "I've seen your frown and its like looking down the barrel of a gun and it goes off."
301. "When I'm driving I never let anyone go my speed. Fuck no, I'll slow down and keep an eye on that asshole."
302. "If I could get used to that thing on the side of your face we might be able to hang out."
303. "Protesting hippies call it chemical torture. Cops call it effective."
304. "Sorry I was late darling. I was checking my stool for blood."
305. "Don't listen to what I say, listen to what I mean."
306. "Life is hard...and there's not a gone damn thing you can do about it."
307. "Thoughts determine what you want. Actions determine what you get."
308. "Toyota stands for: Take Off Your Oversized Tires Asshole. It's true."
309. "You shouldn't be wearing your favorite shirt on a B and E. You should be wearing your second favorite shirt you daunts."
310. "Lets not just split up. Lets carry out for another 5 or 6 years and end this thing violently."
311. "'I see, said the blind man as he peed into the wind, 'it all comes back to me.'"
312. "EEEEEWWWWWW, you smell like AIDS."
313. "Listen to what old dirty said, 'I'll fuck yo ass up!'"
314. "No talking before we say grace, asshole."
315. "But our shenanigans are fun and cheeky. His shenanigans are cruel and mean. Eeeeevil shenanigans."
316. "Got my diploma and didn't learn shit in school."
317. "I'm here to treat you not to cheat you."
318. "My friend got a trophy wife. Apparently the trophy wasn't first place."
319. "This next song doesn't go something like this, it goes exactly like this."
320. "Wind chimes are for stupid people so they know when there's a breeze."
321. "If worse comes to worse, we're screwed."
322. "How crazy do you think I am on a scale of one to ten, six being the highest."
323. "There are three kinds of women in the world; the ones who have cheated on you, the ones who are going to cheat on you and the ones you marry."
324. "I once fell down the escalator that was going up. I was falling for like 45 minutes."
325. "I know this place like the back of my ass."
326. "Hey, can I fuck the bottom half of your shade stick."
327. "If you're gonna be dumb you better be tuff."
328. "WWWOOOOOWWWWWWW, lets drive the retard bus like a retard."
329. "Are your mom and dad brother and sister?"
330. "I wish my lawn mower was emo, so it would cut itself."
331. "BITCH MOAN BITCH MOAN."
332. "I fought the wall and the wall won."
333. "The only bad thing about that drink is you can't fuckin drink it. Other then that though its pretty good."
334. "As the old cock grows, the young cock learns." 11/16/06
335. "Because life is the game that nobody wins."
336. "Any Asshole can piss on the floor but it takes a real hero to shit on the ceiling."
337. "I didn't invent the rainy day, man. I just have the best umbrella."
338. "And always remember, 'Drive dangerously.'"
339. "Are her mom and dad brother and sister?"
340. "Pistol packin, monkey drinkin, no money, BUM."
341. "Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, shallow minds discuss people."
342. "Life is too short to hold grudges."
343. "let go of what you cant change."
344. "take chances, learn from your mistakes."
345. "always forgive but never forget."
346. "people change, things go wrong, life goes on, SO LIVE IT UP!"
347. Regarding high school. "If I ever refer to these as the best days of my life, remind me to kill myself."
348. "Q: How do you kill women and children? A: It's easy, you just don't lead them as much."
349. "Q: How tall are you? A: Sir, five nine, sir. A :I didn't know they could stack shit that high."
350. "You're the kind of asshole that wouldn't even have the common curtisey to give a guy a reach around when you're fuckin him in the ass."
351. "Q: How do you make a baked potato? A: You bake a potato.?."
352. "Eat sleep drink sleep."
353. "It's a little racist, but a lot funny."
354. "Starfucking is as American as apple pie."
355. "I've been single for so long Lubriderm sent me roses on valentines day."
356. "I remember when herass was two words in high school."
357. "Every fight is a food fight when you're a canibal."
358. "I'd kill to have a body like yours, in my trunk."
359. "Life is short and hard like a bodybuilding elf."
360. "Smoking kills, and if you're killed you lose a very important part of your life."
361. "I've never heard anything so dumb come out of someone’s face."
362. "Fiction writing is great you can make up just about anything."
363. (a quote amended) "Life is too short to hold grudges... get revenge quickly."
364. "I'm gonna fix that up quick fast and in a hurry."
365. "I can't go to the store without running into nine guys you've fucked."
366. "I was trying to be professional about it, but nnooooooo."
367. "Fatal, slow killing fast-food."
368. "You haven't seen your dick since the Nixon administration."
369. "God and all that is holey deliver me from fat people with small clothes."
370. "The new national past-time is consumption. People spending money they don't have on shit they don't need."
371. "It's called the American dream cuz you have to be asleep to believe it."
372. “Americans will do anything as long as you give them a toaster.â€
373. "Happy endings are for stories that haven't ended yet."
374. "I know what I don't like and I don't like that fuckin nutsack."
375. "Tooty fuckin fruity."
376. "There is no fuckin Ice-cream in your future."
377. "Gas Break Dip Break Dip Break Dip Break Dip Break Dip Break Dip Break Dip Break Dip Break Dip Break Dip Break Dip Break Dip Break Dip Break Dip Break Dip Break Dip Break Dip in Tyler's truck all day long."
378. "Well if you gave me a chance I was gonna call you a crazy pig fuckin peice of shit."
379. "I set my standards pretty low, so I'm never dissappointed."
380. "Bombing for peace is not like fucking for virginity. You fuck to lose your verginity. You bomb to get rid of the opposition. If there is no opposition then there is peace."
381. "I have a big head and little arms."
382. "I can be Christian and live forever in happiness, or i can be atheist and sleep in on Sundays...."
383. "Mesa Mustang Motto. Win or loose we always booze."
384. "Abortion clinic slogan: If you boyfriend won't pull it out, we will."
385. "Never underestimate the kick in the groin."
386. "Drugs make the smart go by bye."
387. "She is well traveled and I don't mean she travels a lot."
388. "Here you are all equally worthless."
389. "Calling ILLEGAL immigrants 'undocumented citizens' is like calling a drug dealer an unlicensed pharmacist."
390. "In America the only thing one man should put in another man is a bullet."
391. "If the world looks like shit, pull your head out of your ass."
392. "Confusious say: Don't use cannon to kill mosquito."
393. "Dude I don't need an I.D. I have a mustache."
394. "That's funnier than a monkey fuckin a football."
395. "The grass isn't always greener on the other side but it is if you water it."
396. "The club is the easiest place to meet women. All you have to do is rub your cock on them until one sticks around."
397. "S.N.A.F.U.= Situation Normal All Fucked Up."
398. "My other ride is your mom."
399. "I have no taste for either poverty or honest labour, so writing is the only recourse left for me."
400. "They wouldn't have gotten shit done without Squanto."
401. "My dick is good good lovin. Yo dick is good for nothin."
402. "WWWoooowwwww lets be a sarcastic bitch."
403. "First you grow the plant and then you FUCK IT."
404. "Anything worth doing is worth doing right."
405. "Lord, you better help me now. Because if you don't, you're gonna have me on your hands."
406. "To weird to live, to rare to die."
407. "It would sound good if you had robot ears."
408. "His beliefs might be false but his happiness is real."
409. "The ones you know don't care anymore and the ones who care you don't know."
410. "People in nudist colonies are usually people that shouldn't be nude at all. Same goes for nude beaches."
411. "Life is for living."
412. "Of course she doesn't have a microwave, she's fucking 100."
413. "I don't know what you are but I'm gonna fucking eat you."
414. "By the time I told you the answer you would have forgotten the question. Dumbass"
415. "What kind of herpes does he have? Dick herpes."
416. "I fuckin showed that crosswalk sign."
417. "Dude, you need to take out your gerbil, your farts fuckin stink."
418. "You squish luck cricket?"
419. "You're a slave to the money then you die."
420. "You pretty much become her emotional snot-rag that she uses and throws away. You're a tool"
421. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
422. "Why'd you do that? Because I can."
423. "Maybe it's that your life is to serve as a beacon to other as to where not to go and what not to do."
424. "Yea, well........ fuck it. Next"
425. "Ahhh fuck off grasshopper."
426. "That sucks. You wouldn't even die, it would just hurt really bad."
427. "You sneeky fucka."
428. "Art is anything you can get away with." we be talkin about hip hop.
429. "You're the kinda guy that begs for sex. I should know, we can smell our own."
430. "He fell down an elevator shaft and landed on some bullets."
431. "Leave your god and your politics back at home cuz I just wanna drink and be left alone."
432. "She doesn't care if you mean it. So just tell her what she wants to hear. duuuuumb bitch"
433. "It's a cup holder or you can blow me if the movie gets bad."
434. "Do you take sand to the beach?"
435. "Oh my god I want to make out with this fun!"
436. "Sometimes aim a little lower and you'll feel a little bit higher."
437. "You might just be alright but through these eyes you are beautiful."
438. "Can't get lucky all the time, but you can be smart every day."
439. "Yeah. Remember I will always love you, as I claw your fucking throat away. It will end no other way."
440. "Common sense will now be known as critical thinking."
441. "I don't know, I'll figure it out after I get drunk."
442. "I'm angry all the time! Even when I sleep!"
443. "I guess that's what happens when you go 45mph to zero against a dirt wall."
444. "It's hurts when I breath out. Yea? Wait till you shit."
445. "You shouldn't commit suicide. You should just adopt really dangerous hobbies and get a high risk career like me. Goin out in a ball of flames"
446. "Your so ugly you could be a modern art master pieces."
447. "Why do they use sterile needles for lethal injections mommy?"
448. "You have to have fun. I just go out and run the ball as hard as I can." football dayz.
449. "Why is the word abbreviation so damn long?"
450. "I'm not sayin I'm the best I'm just better then you."
451. "Does get it lonely up there on your self proclaimed pedestal?"
452. "You could run over her foot with your car, and if you had flowers with you when you did it, she'd forgive you."
453. "That one was so bad it hurt my marble-sack."
454. "You people make me envy the def and blind."
455. "Any rebellion now is only canned rebellion compared to the 1960's."
456. "Real men only cry when dragons die."
457. "I drunk dog is a happy dog. But a happy dog isn't always a drunk dog."
458. "Wanna get an eat to bite?"
459. "What the hell is holey oil? Sperm?"
460. "No offense to chip but he's kind of a dick."
461. "I've got more problems then a cub scout at the never-land ranch."
462. "One step closer to gaining the ability to let that which does not matter, truly slide."
463. "Feels like a violation of our civil rights, but they're really just protecting us from ourselves."
464. "No I would not almost die for a fucking Klondike Bar."
465. "Don't worry, if you rape a hooker you only get charged with shoplifting."
466. "Saying that George Bush talks for all Americans is like saying Flava Flave talks for all black people."
467. "Cell phones are the most expensive worst flashlights ever."
468."The only thing shorter than a jewish mans penis is a blackmans to-do list."
469. "I give head before I give favors. And seeing as how I haven't given my best friends head the chances of you getting a favor are pretty fucking slim."
470. "And remember—sometimes tabletops are for dancing."
471. "Life sucks without music. FUCK YOU, YOU WORTHLESS THIEVING FAT FUCKIN SLOB, MIKE JONES."
472. "My mom always says when life gives you potatos you make potato salad.
Well life gave me a pile of shit. What do I make with that?
Make shit salad?"
473. "I am just a spec of dust inside a giants eye."
474. "If you kick my ass you gotta do it again every time that you see me till I finally win."
475. "It just goes to show that when life gets you down and the cards seem to be stacked against you, ZANAX!!!!!!!!!!" (Steve O')
476. The gamblers motto is, "Go big then go home."
477. "Driving a Ford is like taking your grandma kick boxing. You know somethings gonna break you just don't know what."
478. "Always remember that you can teach your assistant to type but you can't teach her to grow tits."
479. "Let them alone. They are blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind leads the blind, both will fall into a ditch" (Matthew 15:14)." Who's your leader? Where is he or she really going? How are they going to get there? Election 2008 to 2012. 2012 the year the world comes to an end (according to the Aztec calendar). As we know it or all together?
480. "You never realize the good times you had until they're gone, so there never really good at all."
481. "I am hardly serious but seriously hard."
482. "Ripple ripple nipple."
483. "If you are good at something never do it for free."
484. "Don't think just do."
485. "23" 486. "never got weird enough for me."
487. "Everyone finds there bed of flowers eventually."
488. "FUCK JERRY AIROLA."
489. "I made an honest marsupial out of that opossum."
490. "Money isn't the root of all that is evil. Lack of money is the root of all evil."
491. "I've always had the prestigious title and name but never did the benefits follow."
492. "Do the Kirby dance. <("<)<(")>(>")> and that's all she wrote. 493. "Damaged goods for damaged people."
494. "Bruised, beat up and sweaty with a sense of satisfaction."
495. "Communism is like a threesome. Only in theory are they as cool as they sound."
496. "Kill two birds with one stone, on one stoney night."
497. "More mean things have been done. Wouldn't crush me."
498. "Just because there's goaly doesn't mean you can't score."
499. "What was made to harm me is now helping." 500. This is a most worthy 500th quote. "No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun — for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax — This won't hurt"
501. "...He told me 25 years ago that he would feel real trapped if he didn't know that he could commit suicide at any moment. I don't know if that is brave or stupid or what, but it was inevitable. I think that the truth of what rings through all his writing is that he meant what he said. If that is entertainment to you, well, that's OK. If you think that it enlightened you, well, that's even better. If you wonder if he's gone to Heaven or Hell — rest assured he will check out them both, find out which one Richard Milhous Nixon went to — and go there. He could never stand being bored. But there must be Football too — and Peacocks..."
502. "Paradoxical thoughts think about themselves and end up in a revealing clarity."
503. "This anthology will undoubtedly be found interesting by those who take an interest in it."
504. "As for me. all I know is that I know nothing."
505. "Epimenides once asked Buddha: 'I have come to ask a question. What is the best question that can be asked and what is the best answer that can be given?' Buddha said, 'The best question that can be asked is the question you have just asked, and the best answer that can be given is the answer I am giving.'" 506. "It is probable that many things will happen contrary to probability."
507. "The supreme paradox of all thought is its attempt to discover something that thought cannot think."
508. "A patient complaining of melancholy consulted Dr. Abernethy. After an examination the doctor pronounced, 'You need amusement. Go and see the comedian Grimaldi; he will make you laugh and that will be better for you than any medicine.' Said the patient: 'I am Grimaldi.'" 509. "A little old woman
her living she got by selling hot codlins
hot, hot, hot
And this little old woman
who codlins sold
tho' her codlins were hot
she felt herself cold
So to keep herself warm she thought it no sin to fetch for herself a quartern of ........
509. "The fish trap exist because of the fish; once you've caught the fish, you can for get the trap. The rabbit snare exists because of the rabbit; once you've caught the rabbit, you can forget the snare. Words exist because of the meaning; once you've caught the meaning, you can forget the words. Where can I find someone who has forgotten words so I can have word with them.?" 510. "If you want a final opinion on the mystery of life and all that, I can give it to you in a nutshell. The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe."
511. "In th end we see the sense in the nonsense."
512. "I can't say, over the miles, that I had learned what I had wanted to know because I hadn't known what I wanted to know. But I did learn what I didn't know I wanted to know."
513. I didn't have any education, I had to use my brains. "
514. "Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."
515. "Let's forget it never happened."
516. "I'm fond of poverty! if it weren't so costly, I'd treat myself to it."
517. "A child had its first ride in an elevator. 'How did you like it?' asked her parent. 'It was funny,' answered the child, 'we went into a little house and the up stairs came down.'"
518. "To the pure all things are impure."
519. "I am living with in my income this year even if I have to borrow the money to do it."
520. "To a foot in a shoe the whole world looks paved in leather."
521. "In order to compose, all you need to do is to remember a tune that nobody else has thought of."
522. "Friend, I would do thee no harm for the world, but thou standest where I am about to shoot."
522. "A good title is the title of a successful book."
523. "Can't you go? Must you stay?"
524. "You either know it or you don't."
525. "Oxymoron's: "Deep down I think that I am pretty shallow."
526. "Originality is only undetected plagiarism."
527. "If they really want to honour the homecoming soldiers, why don't they let the soldiers sit in the stands and have the people march by?" 528. "Every Silver Lining has it's dark cloud."
529."I didn't hit him. By a sudden and adroit movement he placed his left eye against my fist. The ground flew up and hit him in the ass."
530. "Two psychiatrists meet. One says, 'You're feeling fine, how am I?'"
531. "The person who is denied the opportunity of taking decisions of importance begins to regard as important the decisions he is allowed to take."
532. "Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same."
533. "When the white man came we had the land and they had the Bibles; now they have the land and we have the Bibles." 534. "Same shit different consistency."
535. "Why is there so much month left at the end of the money."
536. "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true."
537. "Politicians, they can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any person I have ever met."
538. "Palindromes: A dog, a pant, a panic in a Patna pagoda!"
539. "T. Eliot, top bard, notes putrid tang emanating, is sad. I'd assign it a name: 'Gnat dirt upset on drab pot toilet.'"
540. "I saw desserts: I'd no lemons, alas no melon. Distressed was I."
541. "Live not on evil."
542. "Pull up if I pull up."
542. "Step on no pets."
543. "Was it a rat I saw."
544. "Never odd or even."
545. "King are you glad you are king?"
546. "Dollars make men covetous, then covetous men make dollars."
547. Charades: "Amiable together.
Am I able to get her?" 548. "No, uncle-and-auntless be, as ties deny our end.
No unclean, dauntless beasties den you rend."
549. "Animosity is no amity."
550. "A decimal point - I am a dot in place."
551. "Circumstantial evidence - Actual crime isn't evinced; can ruin a selected victim." 552. "Southern California = Hor sun, or life in a car."
553. "One Hug - Enough?"
554. "To cast before swine: one's labour is perfect waste."
555. "America is to electricity as Ireland was to potato's."
556. My own made up Chuck Noris fact: "Chuck Noris's pee-pee dance also referred to as the Haka War Dance."
557. My own made up Chuck Noris fact: "Jesus drinks Chuck Noris's blood."
558. "NAFTA - Nother After Noon Fucking That Ass."
559. "I'm gonna get that bitch pregnant and give her double daddy problems."
560. "Ode to the soldier: If your lifes work ends with your life. That is a life well lived indeed."
561. "Open that bottle and swallow your friend."
562. "I do it to prove to myself I can't."
563. Most inspiring compliment. "I like the way you think." Thanks Meesh.
564. "Wish I could keep this feelin in a bag."
565. "Just because I'm proud of my country and its heritage doesn't mean I'm a red neck." although I am.
566. "Mr. Glossy don't work too well when I get saucy."
567. "I know a little about a lot, but just enough to get me by."
568. "If I could I would keep this feelin in a plastic jar."
569. "..... they have the best whore house in the state so you don't have to worry about that."
570. "People never get the flowers while they can still smell em."
571. "That word should be illegal when you're stoned."
572. "Formal religion was organized for slaves: it offered what earth could not provide."
573. "Does this face look good at algebra."
574. "The greatest thing about skating is it changes every day."
575. "The first time I saw somebody ollie on the street I was like, ‘No way!' But now every kid can get on a board and make an ollie. Today's impossible trick is just cannon fodder for the future."
576. "If life's taught me anything it's