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Steve

Your lost and faded, your old and jaded, you've become the shape you hated.

About Me

Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and shall we say, love.The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly. To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should have been was a gaping hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side, his left foot has appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner. His tail has long since been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he would constantly jerk and twitch.Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby striped-type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, even his shoulders with thick, yellowing scabs. Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. "That's one UGLY cat!!"All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave.Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around feet in forgiveness. Whenever he spied children, he would come running meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbors huskies. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad life was almost at an end.Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front. As I picked him up and tried to carry him home I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. I must be hurting him terribly I thought.Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear- Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring. Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled-scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly. Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful.He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for.Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, or beautiful, but, for me, I will always try to be Ugly PUT YOUR ABOUT ME SECTION HERE! Changes may take up to 2 mins to show on your profile

My Interests

Camping, Movies, Ps3, Xbox360, Baseball, Football, Raiders, Reading, Zombies, Horror movies, Sketching, Gym, Weights.

I'd like to meet:

Я имею русских друзей. Я имею американских друзей.my top 8 are people who influence my life and who i respect and care about alot. PUT YOUR I'D LIKE TO MEET SECTION HERE! Changes may take up to 2 mins to show on your profileView All Friends | View Blog | Add Comment

Music:

I like anything and everything if it catches my ear.

Movies:

I love love LOVE scary movies, they get me horny every time lol. I like comedies, romantic movies. a favorite type of movie is sad movies, movies that make you cry and appreciate life and everything you have. pretty much any movie im down to watch.

Television:

Oh god, i love cartoons, im the guy who still wakes up at 8:00am on saturday to watch them, then stay up till 2am to watch adult swim hehe. Family Guy, South Park, American Dad. I love desperate housewives! Ghost whisperer and Medium are always on my TiVo list. I'll watch American idol if its on, I'd love to audition for that show!

Books:

Anything by Gregory Mcguire. his novels put a twist on the classic tales we grew up with as children. I like books that have suprise twist endings, and i value books made into movies, even if they are nothing alike, it still came from somones imagination and is alot better than most people can do themselves.

Heroes:

My Family and Friends who help me through so much, and stick by me at times when i wouldnt even want to be in my own skin. God for lighting my path and helping me become a better person than who i was yesterday.

My Blog

To you

So many times i open my blog to write, its funny when i re-read the things ive kept.  I sound so angsty and full of emotion, i guess thats what i am though. I have so many emotions and such a lim...
Posted by Steve on Wed, 23 Apr 2008 04:20:00 PST

You dissapoint me.

I find it funny how you strive to exempt yourself from the "scene" but you fit perfectly into it like a uniquely carved puzzle peice that is just like all the other uniquely carved peices, i guess tha...
Posted by Steve on Mon, 31 Mar 2008 03:47:00 PST

the motivation of contemplation

Man its been such a slow week!  kind of a weird way to kick off the new month but its been a fun year so far, lots of goods, a few bads, and some shit in between. after hanging out with a friend...
Posted by Steve on Sun, 02 Mar 2008 08:43:00 PST

Depressed

Im feeling really shitty right now, i dont know why. Work was pretty good i got to go to lunch with one of my favorite people, we talked about things. Sometimes i get in these moods and though i have ...
Posted by Steve on Sat, 16 Feb 2008 10:31:00 PST

Stick a fork in me!

Cuz im done. just done, done with worrying and wondering. Juuuuuust done, im more done than a polish hooker in the red light district. Im more done than Faye Dunaway. Im so done im a fuckin baked pota...
Posted by Steve on Fri, 25 May 2007 10:36:00 PST

a song just for today.

Why does it seem like we can block years of pain from our memories, yet a short period of happiness lingers like a scar? How come our mind protects us from one hurt, only to subject us to the question...
Posted by Steve on Thu, 19 Apr 2007 07:39:00 PST

a song

You can tell when youre feeling low And i know that there's something in your eye Its a tear, its a tear for the doubt Its a tear, its a tear drying out And when you feel alive So do you feel alive? C...
Posted by Steve on Thu, 12 Apr 2007 08:26:00 PST

i need to...

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss was...one i will never forget. 2. I'm currently listening to...the clothes dryer 3. I talk...about myself too much 4. I want...to find my soulmate 5. My best ...
Posted by Steve on Wed, 11 Apr 2007 10:33:00 PST

i dont know how to feel.

i guess its my own fault for drinking so much and asking stupid questions, but the answers weren't what i was expecting. i don't know how i'm supposed to feel, or act, or go about things. im so a...
Posted by Steve on Mon, 27 Nov 2006 08:29:00 PST

Long time since

well, its been a long time since i wrote one of these things, but i figure its a good way to let out a little bit of the butterflys churning in my stomache. Schools going pretty good, about to graduat...
Posted by Steve on Wed, 10 May 2006 04:50:00 PST