Kyle profile picture

Kyle

DON'T TAZE ME BRO

About Me

I moved to Richlands, Virginia from Columbia, Missouri. I miss Columbia very much. I have a few classes at the local community college. There is nothing to do here. I haven't found my niche here in Virginia yet because I am not interested in agriculture, Nascar or incest. I miss my friends and lifestyle in Missouri. I'm trying to move back. My favorite band is Modest Mouse (Prior to selling out to Epic records). I currently work at Pizza Plus and am a proud owner of a gangster ass White 1989 Mercury Grand Marquis. Also, don't take this page too seriously, it's mostly a joke.

Let me properly introduce myself:

Burritos + Eclecticism + Bad Puns + Awkwardness = Me. My name is Kyle. I'm a straight thug. Fan of tasty beverages. If you own a bank, I may have robbed it several times by now. I make the whistles go "Woo." I don't like Applebees. Perhaps you have seen me urinating in public before. I have very bad luck, although some would say I just make poor choices (fuck them). I'd kick your ass in a game of Scrabble. kthxbye
Kitten Eating Corn

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--- Super totally kewl survey that everyone taked!!!!1 ---

Favorite restaurant: I'm serious I love this place:

How much bacon can you force feed a snake in 10 minutes?: 80 oz.

Favorite percentage in milk form?: 1/2%

The last thing you had for breakfast?: Beer and cottage cheese

What NHL team was swept by Detroit in the 1952 Stanley Cup Finals?: The Northeastern Pap Smears

Would you ever date a Greek antique salesman?: No

Even if he had a stunning haircut?: Well, I might consider it.

Have you ever shaved a seagull?: Several times.

Who is your favorite Spice Girl?: Salty bacon flavored raspberry taco tabasco sauce spice. That was one of them wasn't it?

Share something interesting that others may not know about you: I can't dance. I collect celebrity scientologist trading cards, and I have secretly murdered several homeless people. Plus I am circumcised.
The equation E=mc squared expresses how much energy (E) is produced in Joules when a piece of matter of mass m (in kilograms) is turned into energy. What equation expresses how much matter can be produced from energy?: I got sand in my peehole!!! AT THE BEACH.


A few links:

Someone set up us the bomb. We get signal.

The home of applesauce beerbonging.

Everything you need to know about applesauce.

Supplies.

Turn Congress into Grey Goose.

Engrish.

Comics, flash animation. Good.

Comedy sketches.

GI Joe with humorous voice overs.

My guide to taking seriously emocore hipster scenester hardcore myspace photos.

Arts and crafts.

News of the weird and awesome.

These kids really suck at drawing.

Old comic books filled with propaganda.

Accept Jesus Christ and get a free PS3!!!

Interesting photography.

Tourettes Guy!

Bumfights

This website is too extreme for words.


My Interests

Eating cereal with chopsticks, Farrell cats gathered in convenience store parking lots, "Freedom" fries, Pepto bismol, Old people, Drive-by shootings, Gettin' juiced up beyond belief, Banana pudding, Nerf guns, Smalltalk during haircuts, Chick-Fil-A, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Gathering firewood, Billiards, Long island iced teas, Loud noises, Wendy's the Restaurant, Happy endings, Instant gratification, Littering, Crime in general.

Turn OFF's

STEVE HANDELMAN, Celibacy, Withdrawl, Mentholated cigarettes, Tim Allen, Police, Mayonaise, Police cleverly disguised in white impalas, False anti-drug propoganda, Canned laughter, Right-wing psychos, Funerals for babies, Fun-sized candy, Changing cat litter, Country music, Vietnam flashbacks, Diet soft drinks, Macintosh computers, McDonalds breakfast hours ending at 10:30AM

I'd like to meet:

MC Hammer, Batman, OJ Simpson, Michael Jordan during his baseball phase, Tom Brokaw, Captain Planet, Milli Vanilli (especially the dead one), Hunters Mom, Monica Lewenski, the inventor of congress vodka, Demetri Martin, Jon Stewart, Bill Murray, Jim Varney, Brad Neely

Also: Terren Delvon Jones AKA Del Tha Funkee Homosapien, Zach Galifianakis, David Cross, Isaac Brock, Elliott Smith & Larry David.

Music:

My Top Most Listened Bands of Last Week:
DEANS

Rock

Abondoned Pools, The Advantage, Aerial M, Amputee Set, And a Few To Break, And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead, The Appleseed Cast, Arcade Fire, At the Drive-In, Atom and His Package, Autolux, Bald Eagle, Barzin, Beck, Bloc Party, The Blood Brothers, The Bloodhound Gang, Bob Dylan, Brand New, Bright Eyes, Brilliant Red Lights, Broken Social Scene, Cap'n Jazz, Coheed and Cambria, Controlling the Famous, Cornelius, Cursive, The Dandy Warhols, David Bowie, David Pajo, Death From Above 1979, Desaparecidos, Do Make Say Think, Eagles Of Death Metal, Elliott Smith, Emery, Explosions in the Sky, The Fall of Troy, Filter, The Flaming Lips, Foo Fighters (their older shit), Forward Russia!, The Fucking Champs, Fugazi, Gang of Four, Glassjaw, Ghostland Observatory, Gorillaz, Grandaddy, HORSE the band, I Love You But I'm Not In Love With Yous, Interpol, Jimi Hendrix, Kane Hodder, LCD Soundsystem, Led Zeppelin, Les Savy Fav, The Mars Volta, Mission of Burma, Modest Mouse, Mogwai, Muse, Nada Surf, Neutral Milk Hotel, The New Lows, Oh No! Oh My!, The One Inch Punch, Papa M, Pavement, Pink Floyd, Placebo, Planes Mistaken for Stars, Poison the Well, Polaris, Portugal. The Man, The Postal Service, Presidents of the United States of America, Q And Not U, Queens Of The Stone Age, The Ramones, Radiohead, The Rakes, Ratatat, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Refused, Reggie & The Full Effect, The Rentals, Shellac, The Shins, Slint, Smashing Pumpkins, Sonic Youth, Sparta, Spoon, Steely Dan, The Stills, The Strokes, Superchunk, Superdrag, Supergrass, Syd Barrett (his solo work), Taking Back Sunday, Ted Leo & the Pharmacists, Team Sleep, Tera Melos, Tokyo Police Club, Tortoise, TV On the Radio, Ugly Casanova, Warhammer 48k, We Are Scientists, Ween, Weezer (circa Blue Album), The White Stripes, Yeah Yeah Yeah's, Yo La Tengo

Hip-Hop

Above the Law, Aesop Rock, Akrobatik, Artifacts, Atmosphere, Beastie Boys, Big Shug, BJ Digby, Black Sheep, Boom Bip, Bumpy Knuckles, Chi Ali, Chill Rob G, Company Flow, Dan the Automator, Danger Doom, Defari, Del Tha Funkee Homosapien (AKA Deltron Zero), Deltron 3030, DJ Shadow, Dr. Octagon, DJ Q-Bert, DJ Shadow, Gang Starr, Gorillaz, Handsome Boy Modeling School, Hieroglyphics, J-Live, J-Zone, Jigmastas, K.M.D., King Britt, Kurupt, LMNO, Lootpack, Madvillain, Madlib, Masta Ace, MC Cat Genius, MC Chris, MF Doom, Monster Island Czars, Mos Def, Mr. Lif, Old Dirty Bastard, Panda 1, Prefuse 73, Quasimoto, Revolutionary Ink, RJD2, The Roots, Sage Francis, Saukrates, Show and Ag, Skitz, Souls Of Mischief, Unsung Heroes, Zion-I

Rap

Andre Nickatina, Bone Thugs N Harmony, Bun B, Chrome, Crunchy Black, D4L, Dem Franchise Boyz, Dj Paul, Juicy J, Juvenile, Lil Wayne, Lil Jon, Lil Wyte, Lord Infamous (AKA Scarecrow), Ludacris, Mac Dre, Mistah FAB, Notorious B.I.G., Paul Wall, Project Pat, Rick Ross, Three 6 Mafia, Slim Thug, South Park Mexican, T.I., Tupac, Twista, Young Dro, Young Jeezy, Yukmouth, Yung Joc, any southern smoke mixtapes

Electronica

Aphex Twin, Benni Benassi, )EI3(, Chemical Brothers, Cornelius, Daft Punk, Dieselboy, Easy All-Stars, Ferry Corsten, Infected Mushroom, Justice, Mr. Oizo, Mouse on Mars, MSTRKRFT, Prodigy, Paul Van Dyke, Prefuse 73, Underworld, any sort of generic trance music really.

any assortment of clicks and whistles, whatever the kids are into now a dayzz

Movies:

Bumfights, Cool Hand Luke, Donnie Darko, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Fight Club, Gattaca, Haggard, The Life Aquatic, Mickey One, Pi, Pootie Tang, Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, Sin City, Stay, etc.

Television:

12 Oz. Mouse, ATHF, Cops, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Da Ali G Show, The Daily Show, Dexter, Frisky Dingo, Home Movies, Mr. Show, Sifl & Olly, Pete & Pete, The Soup, Space Ghost C2C, Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job, Wonder Showzen, anything on Animal Planet, Court TV or Discovery Channel etc.

Books:

They make excellent coasters for beverages. Also a good source of warmth when ignited.

Heroes:

This dude:

My Blog

Tim Allen can kiss my black ass.

Today I shaved off my lame moustache.I also gave my cats a soothing bath.Kiki tried drinking the bathwater, however I insisted on bathing her with it instead. HAPPY LABOR DAY!!!!!!!!!!...
Posted by Kyle on Tue, 04 Sep 2007 06:16:00 PST

A haiku 4 you.

actually, I forgot the rules to make a haiku so i just drank a bunch of aristocrat. i forgot how to properly use the semicolon too but it seemed pretty cool so its there a lot.:Temporary tattoo on my ...
Posted by Kyle on Mon, 12 Mar 2007 07:43:00 PST

New year, old rap

First off, I had an excellent time in Missouri, thanks to Max and Gabe for letting me stay at their place. I'll miss everyone I got to hang out with. I'll be back for a visit in Summer. And after I fi...
Posted by Kyle on Wed, 03 Jan 2007 04:46:00 PST

I tried so hard...

Every year around this time, something magical happens. That's right, McDonalds Monopoly. Every year I desperately attempt to win anything, I'd even settle for order of free medium fries. My str...
Posted by Kyle on Mon, 23 Oct 2006 06:57:00 PST

Today I made a girl cry.

That's right. At work today everyone was dicking around as usual and then I noticed something. First off let me say that in Virginia around here there is some Christian following called 'Tabernacle' o...
Posted by Kyle on Sat, 14 Oct 2006 09:15:00 PST

Daily thoughts. Bored, drunk etc.

Daily thoughts. Bored, drunk etc. I stand before you today severly intoxicated off Shlitz malt liqour. That's right, despite what I had heard Shlitz is alive and well, at least at my local food c...
Posted by Kyle on Sun, 03 Sep 2006 09:30:00 PST

Virginia is eating my soul.

(Insert three paragraphs of me whining.) The community college here is identical to high school. (good or bad? not sure.) Miss my friends. Snakes on a Plane came out in theaters. I got new speakers fo...
Posted by Kyle on Thu, 24 Aug 2006 09:22:00 PST

Today...

I wore a hat.
Posted by Kyle on Fri, 30 Jun 2006 11:53:00 PST

Moved to Virginia, ate a lot of peaches.

Oh dear, I live in Virginia now. I think it is for the best. For instance, I will be able to focus on school now because there is nothing else here. NOTHING... What have I done?!? It's crazy at the ha...
Posted by Kyle on Wed, 07 Jun 2006 02:39:00 PST

Christmas time in jewland

That's right!!! There's all sorts of crazy holidays going on right about now! I recieved a lot of material possesions. But the one thing that I really wanted for Christams was forgotten. I want spinni...
Posted by Kyle on Tue, 27 Dec 2005 03:30:00 PST