Miss Choate

"It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa! Where's my wallet? But, hey this song is funky."All McDonalds commercials end the same way: "prices and participation may vary." I want to open my own McDonalds and not participate in anything. "Can I have a Big Mac?" "No, but we have spaghetti... and blankets."Once I met this wino and he was eating some grapes, and I said, "Dude, you have to wait".I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey: man, just be yourself. I already like you, little brother. You do not need to emulate the other animals. I used to draw you. (Stares at hand.) Man, if you were missing a couple of fingers, you drew one fucked-up turkey. You'd be like, "That turkey's been in an accident."Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I don't want them to, you know, I'm like, "Hey, hold on fellas, lemme hold one of yous... and feed you a leaf."I got an ant farm. Them fellas don't grow shit. Besides, if I ripped your legs and arms off, you would look like snowmen.I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run. He's fuzzy. Get outta here.