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Ray

About Me

Last night my roommate called me intimidating. He said it was because I was 6'4" tall, because I work out a lot, because I have studied two different martial arts, because I am almost a doctor of literature - he called me verbally combative - not that I have ridiculous fights (or stupid arguments) - he said that I intimidate people because I listen to them and I listen to the arguments they construct - and if their argument is weak, he said I see the flaws. He said that he hasn't often seen me back down.Earlier this weekend I sat at a table with a group of very old friends and we drank hard cider and beer and told many jokes that were in the poorest of taste. My heart hurt a little because I missed these people. I don't see them very often and they were all in town for the same project.I read a lot. I read on the Metra on my way into work. I would rather read fantasy or a good spy novel or even Harry Potter. But I don't have that option. I am getting a PhD in Shakespeare studies. Most often I read, Othello, Othello criticisms, theories of performance on the American Stage, Early American history, cultural theorists on the development of early American performance spaces.I like musicals. I used to love to sing. Now I sing for me. I always wished that my voice were more dexterous than it actually is.I love my friend passionately and it takes a very long time before I know that someone has become my friend. I don't know when it happens, nor do I have "rules" for how it happens, it just happens. I think it has to do with honesty. Really saying what you mean and really meaning what you say.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

So I used to date guys who were younger than me. Not creepy young, just younger, early twenties, say. Often there was a sparkle and a glee to their smile and an innocence to their personality, which I found captivating. I suppose I was searching for someone who had a hunger for living life. People who have given up, those who have succumbed to the drudgery of life and forgotten the joy of living, hurt me. There was a time when the caregiver in me sought to make everyone happy, make everything alright. But I don't do that anymore. Our time on this blue and green sphere is finite. Each day we are greeted with sun or rain, heat or cold, to make of it what we will. I am a child of the sun who likes to laugh and see new places and meet new people and touch new parts of myself and others. I love to hold sleeping babies. It makes my heart warm. I love to engage with art in many differing forms. I hate eating dinner alone. I love my friends. And I love going out to breakfast. I love dancing, I used to be much better at it than I am now, but I love dancing. I love a good discussion, particularly about films which require thought and about food worth talking about. I love to travel, I can never afford to travel, but that has never mattered. I loved Arizona. Sometimes I have bizarre dreams that make no sense. I have never liked horror films. I don't like being scared. It's also a little dangerous to scare me in certain ways. I have a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and I am very close to having one in Shaolin Kempo. I would like to meet someone who is alive as well.

My Blog

Cousin e-mail

My cousin wrote to me. This is part of me working out the things in my head and heart.  You are invited to ignore this at your leisure. ----- Original Message ---- From: Dan Ballard Subject: ...
Posted by on Thu, 10 Jan 2008 10:16:00 GMT

Random November Morn

So last weekend I had a friend come to town and she and I went to Sidetracks on Saturday night. It was tons of fun and something bizarre and wonderful happened...very very attractive men gave me the t...
Posted by on Wed, 14 Nov 2007 09:16:00 GMT

Country Music Last Night

Last night I spent quality time with "Youtube,"  and I am not exactly sure where the strain of country music began or ended, but that is some of the most depressing icor on the planet. If you wan...
Posted by on Sun, 04 Nov 2007 15:41:00 GMT

I have to write a teaching philosophy

Philosophy of TeachingJohn Rayfield ProctorUniversity of Wisconsin-MadisonTheatre and DramaUrging all of us to open our minds and hearts so that we can know beyond the boundaries of what is acceptable...
Posted by on Wed, 03 Oct 2007 19:36:00 GMT

Discussion continues

So I have at least one Christian friend with whom I have been conversing and we have been discussing...stuff. My response to his last e-mail, it seems, is a part of this discussion I have been having ...
Posted by on Sat, 08 Sep 2007 08:35:00 GMT

Poem I was working on

untitled - January 2007Poppa got a brand new bag candy apple red and covered in copper colored quarters. Now he jingles when he walks. The bag matches the shoes stolen from Dorothy's closet. ...
Posted by on Thu, 16 Aug 2007 11:45:00 GMT

When I was a kid

We all have our crappy growing up stories. I have heard way more than I care to. So, my brother hates Christmas. He has for years. Only now he has a wife and three kids that live with him and two othe...
Posted by on Tue, 14 Aug 2007 16:17:00 GMT

An unfinished thought

I sleep beneath an open window. Sometimes rain spatters through the screen, waking me. I hear thunder and the lightening turns my walls pale blue for instances and moments, then muted grey. I feel ver...
Posted by on Tue, 07 Aug 2007 08:32:00 GMT

The beginning of a short story I have been working on. Thoughts?

The Crowned Prince of Almost                The moments, or moment, that exists between the of shattering glass, replete with crystal shard...
Posted by on Mon, 06 Aug 2007 13:32:00 GMT