I define myself completely by the things I'm interested in. The things that interest me are such an integral part of who I am, that sharing these interests would be like sharing the very building blocks of who I am with other people, and those building blocks are like DNA being passed from me to you, and that would be like having sex. Are you really willing to accept my DNA so readily? Is sex all you can think about? You don't even know me, and you're willing to fuck me? I mean, hell, you don't know what kind of person I am, do you even know one thing I'm interested in? You sick bastards need to be sterilized.
THE BASTARD FAIRIES - MAYBE SHE LIKES IT (WEBCAM VERSION)
The whole meeting process is bullshit. If I'm expecting to meet someone, there will be disappointment on at least one end of the meeting, and if I'm not expecting to meet someone, it's really an interruption of my scheduled process of events, and I hate when my time line is interrupted by someone, then I have to go through the trouble of learning a name, assigning a face to that name, and it's really more trouble than it's worth.
Now stalking on the other hand, I can follow someone around I might be interested in, never have to bother with them meeting me and forgetting to call me or rejecting my proposals of marriage or asking why I'm carving her name in my arm with a rusty nail; and when I get tired of stalking her, I can go on with my life, or start sending frightening messages that she's being watched, like putting her pet's head outside her window or something romantic like that.
Yup, I guess some of us are just people persons.
I only listen to happy showtunes about masturbation and necrophilia. Most music stores have a whole section dedicated to this genre, but most people pass it by thinking it's folk or blue grass. Well, it's not. It's the sweet melodic sounds of broadway stars singing about playing with their own genitals and the genitals of dead people. Sometimes it's dead people they know. Sometimes it's the genitals of dead strangers. I prefer songs about the genitals of dead celebrities. I hate how the word "genitals" is under-used in the music industry.
Cumslut Coeds 16. The first 15 were just amateur trash. And all those afterwards were just the same tired old gags.
I have 13 Tivo subscriptions, all upgraded with over 400 hours each, to take care of all the tv watching, so I no longer have to watch it.
I only read on the toilet. I've taken up eating lots of fruit and drinking lots of coffee, so now it only takes a few weeks to read three or four hundred pages, instead of 8 months to read 200. For the first and possibly last time ever, the Quagmire Book Club is populated by millions as we all read Harry "Fuck you in the Ass with a Wand" Potter and the Mother Fucking Deathly Hollows. At least, that's the title I would have given it, cause Potter is like the white British Shaft. And my collection of first edition hard covers is complete. I am geekified eternal.
Bun Bun. A webcomic rabbit who killed the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause, the turkey general, and the great Pumpkin King, enslaved the groundhog's shadow, becoming a virtual god. And also started a black market viagra operation in Mexico. If I accomplish half these things in my lifetime, I will have done twice as much as I ever intended.
See! It's not just me! He never dies!!!