Have you ever taken that long step back.... wondering in life what you have really done. Who have you affected, what have you accomplished. Have you ever wondered what your friends and family see when they look at you. Im getting close to 30 now, and for the life of me, i had for so long feared falling short on everyones expectations. I mean when i first found out i was going to be a dad i was just about to head overseas for another long deplayment. And just after i became a dad twice over i spent 3 months in military prison. wow, i had started a great beginning to a shitty life. How do you comeback from downfalls that change the whole way you see life. That affect the way people see you as a parent (even if you had no controll over them.) I felt i had done everything i could to keep the downward spiral of my life stable, so i though.
I realized you have to let go. i realized i was half empty, i realized after all that time of breaking down, i had a stronger grasp on who i was and where i truely come from,and that i had been pushed to the point of breaking, but never broke. I realized all the time away from my kids made me cherrish the time i had with them so much more. and will all this mess of life its then, that i met the second half to my life, when i was actually not looking, it kinda hit me all by surprize. its funny how lifes greatest things tend to do that. they wait till its the hardest to get through to you and to prove them selves, and thats when they do.i met annie as i was getting ready to leave the marines. And she changed me. More than the Marine Corps had itself. Being around her slowly structured my life, it took that broken life i had and gave me a stable place to rebuild from. then allong came dadhood #3 he was not more special than my first two, he was not more loved than my first two. but being there the whole time as he has grown has made a big difference in how i see myself as a dad. its actually made me miss dylan and ryan all the more. its made me realize no matter what i see myself they are going to see me as DAD the superhero, or Dad the one person who can fix any broken toy, or Dad the one who will allways be there for them no matter what. and i am spending the rest of my life to make it that way.
it really is kinda funny how life will run smooth for a while then flip you over spin you around and bury you head first in a huge pile of shit, but expect you to keep on going. Im guessing the biggest thing, no matter how deep your covered in crap is that you keep on going.
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