I once paid a hooker with a blast of standard jasmine, and a thrice-volumed world atlas of maps. Her pimp never objected out of fear... fear of Dada.
I believe in displaying the cross on government property. It reminds us of Jesus, and how to defeat him.
In 1994, after completing a mere two pages, I abandoned work on my novel, "The Da Vinci Code". It hadn't already been written, but it had already sucked.
I once went to a palm reader, who predictably read "boobs". I'd written it there the night before as a reminder.
When I get anything in the mail, I immediately forward it to someone else. I don't want it.
If I'm listening to my walkman and I decide to adjust the bass level, I'm not losing any sleep.   There's nothing unethical about it.
One time, while we were getting it on, my girlfriend from out of nowhere produced three tennis balls and proceeded to juggle them. The combination of watching her take charge, and the improbability of her diverse skill set, sent waves of pleasure throughout my body, and a vague feeling of admiration towards her bordering on respect.
My inner monologue has a really phony British accent, but no slide whistles or spring noises.   You're thinking of my inner bonerlogue.
Jesus died for your sins; the hookers, for your glory.
I've got to send that last one in to Mr. Grammar.
When people accuse me of being all style and no substance, I tell them: "At least I've got one of the two?"
I have tiny ears, but I still can't hear the tiniest creatures.
If you want to piss off somebody who's really conservative, recite a muffled Pledge of Allegiance the next time you're going down on them.
I'm due to be tamed.
You don't have to be gay to have attitude.
I love french fries, but my favorite guilty pleasure is racism.
Swingers was alright, but as far as slang goes, "money" is rather stupid.
These one and two line sentences form a little mustache parade.
My middle name is "Creed", so no matter how much you hate that band, I hate them more.
