Exile In Subhadraville - ProfilesArchive

About Me

#1 (FROZEN TURTLE) A wife and a husband (and I won't name names) picked me up one night for cocktails. I'm sitting in the back seat of their car next to some fish tank and so in a monotone voice I say, "Oh look, a fish tank." The wife says, "Don't look in there, there's a frozen turtle." My natural reaction, obviously, is to look and sure enough there is a frozen turtle in a zip-lock bag. "There's a frozen turtle in there," I tell them, like they don't already know. "He's probably thawed by now," the wife says. "He was defective," the husband explains to me, "so we're taking him back to the pet store." Morbid. So later on I'm talking about how it's scary to walk around downtown at night and I tell them, "I'm just not a risk taker and I never want to go to the Bahamas because I'm afraid that the ocean will eat me and that I will drown." There's a silence and then finally the wife says, "That is the most random thing I've ever heard." So I say, "Really? Because I could have sworn that there had been some mention of a frozen turtle." The end.
#2 (BIPOLAR BEAR) I was walking to the corner store the other day to get a cheese sandwich and some milk when a Polar bear approached me. He was wearing a suit (he looked like a gentleman) and he told me that his name was Cha-Cha. I laughed and he said, "Don't mock me. I'll kill you." I tried to walk away because I figured he would eat me if I didn't but then he said "Junk in the trunk." Outraged, I screamed "WHAT?!?!" So Cha-Cha replied, "I didn't say anything." I got mad because he was denying that he called me a fat ass but mostly because I wanted a cheese sandwich and I said "You told me that I have junk in the trunk." "You're a lunatic," Cha-Cha said, "and I didn't say anything to you......................... I'm a P-O-L-A-R B-E-A-R!" The end.
#3 I've seen Freddy Got Fingered and I like it. Booyah.
#4 I don't want to know how to make $500 from home. No free I Pod or X Box or PS3. I don't want to meet sexy 'singlez' tonight. If you spam me I will find you and cut off your pinky toe (or your index finger) and sell it on E-Bay to your own mother. Cheerio!
Molly Bloopers Part 2
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I Think Everything Is Funny
The Best Drunken Choreographed Dance Ever
Some friends are stuck with you for life, and for a good reason.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

The Las Vegas Jersey Boys i.e Douche Bags

Seriously, dude. Seriously.

Be a pal. Check out all my websites!

Vintage Pavement - Vintage Fashion Resource Center

Vintage Pavement Clothing

My Blog

POGS

Every once in a while I get a flashback of something from the past that I totally forgot about even though I was really into it at one time. So I'm in bed the other day and I get a vision of a hot pin...
Posted by on Tue, 17 Jun 2008 14:07:00 GMT

Everything I Touch Turns Into An Overdraft Fee

Hmm. I don't know how I do it.Bank Of America. Wells Fargo. Washington Mutual. 3 out of 3 I owe money to. I'm not paying anything old, like Wells Fargo or B of A because I don't think their dumb asses...
Posted by on Fri, 06 Jun 2008 07:17:00 GMT

A Message To The Newest Modern Feminist

Welcome to the game...So, you think you're a feminist now, do you?Do you think that because you've decided to finally hide your huge tits behind a baggy thrift store t-shirt that you've joined a movem...
Posted by on Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:42:00 GMT

Fun With English

And when I say English, I mean from England. I'll admit, my British accent sucks. However, there's an ongoing trend in Hollywood right now where people pretend to be British. So I thought, hey, why no...
Posted by on Fri, 11 Apr 2008 06:40:00 GMT

My Quarter Life Crisis

Twenty-five is creeping up on me. That’s right. On May 9th I will be twenty-five. I haven’t done much, and I feel like I’m running out of time. Now, more than ever, is the time for m...
Posted by on Sat, 29 Mar 2008 15:27:00 GMT

Apparently I’m A Fat Girl

I just got this message:Check out http://savvyfatty. blogspot. com!I’m hitting you up because you’re a cute, hip, sexy thick girl and I think you’d like my blog. A blog for SASSY, HO...
Posted by on Thu, 27 Mar 2008 19:07:00 GMT

Apparently there’s another Bipolar bear .........

And I thought I was the only clever one.Thanks, Charlie.
Posted by on Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:38:00 GMT

Proper Punctuation and Other Really Stupid Things That Annoy Me Right Now.

Alright, yeah, I know I seem to always have something to complain about. If I didn't I would probably have nothing to say. You don't have to tell me. But still, for your entertainment, here's my list ...
Posted by on Tue, 11 Mar 2008 15:16:00 GMT

Bad News

For those of you who knew I was pregnant:I went to the doctor for my ultrasound at 12 weeks and there was no heartbeat. The baby had only developed to 10 weeks. After a second ultrasound it was confir...
Posted by on Fri, 08 Feb 2008 14:37:00 GMT

Everybody read and write now!

When I was in school one of my favorite things were those assignments where you worked in a group and had to write a story together. Some of you may remember this. The teacher would write "When I woke...
Posted by on Wed, 14 Nov 2007 03:39:00 GMT